God grant me the senility to forget the people I never
liked anyway. |
ONE
I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
TWO
My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.
THREE
I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.
FOUR
Funny, I don't remember being absent minded...
FIVE
All reports are in; life is now officially unfair.
SIX
If all is not lost, where is it?
SEVEN
It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
EIGHT
I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few...
NINE
It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
TEN
Only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom.
ELEVEN
If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.
TWELVE
When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess?
THIRTEEN
It's not hard to meet expenses...they're everywhere.
FOURTEEN
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
FIFTEEN
These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter... I go somewhere to get
something and then wonder what I'm here after.