I kissed a goat when I was four.
I have never done the Macarena.
I have co-ed slumber parties.
I am a friend of a band.
I control the airwaves.
I have been to Venice.
I am addicted to Natural Ice chapstick.
I own three printed copies of The Onion.
I'm the bomb.
I can translate French chocolate bars.
I own Spice by the Spice Girls.
I have seen every Coen brothers movie except Miller's Crossing.
I know a Rock Star.
I was Chinese once, but only for an hour.
I once met an Internet friend in a Holiday Inn.
I have been picked up in two different malls.
I speak German.
I knew all the words to "Hello, I Love You" when I was in second grade.
I own a sport-futility vehicle.
I got a 67% on a physics test once.
I was in Vancouver on the day of the hockey riots.
I went to Thermopolis, Wyoming whilst in the womb.
I have 60 Deutschmarks, 20 Swiss francs, and 50,000 lira in my desk drawer.
I have not eaten flesh in three years. Once a butcher fell in love with me.
I own every CD by Catherine Wheel and every book by Tom Robbins.
I have four episodes of The Teletubbies on tape.
I have beaten both Myst and Riven.
I have a weird brother.
I have seen each Star Wars movie twice.
I know eight people who live in Colorado.
I have been to the Winchester Mystery House.
I can cook Indian food.
I have been both stalker and stalkee.
I have read A Clockwork Orange.
I once spent a week in Iowa and lived to tell the tale.
I went to Harvard when I was six. It was closed.
I make excellent guacamole.
I saw Fargo and The Big Lebowski with my dad.
My favorite band is Mazzy Star, but I also like Patsy Cline and Savage Garden.
I make faeries for a living.
I love "Cartoon Planet," "Space Ghost Coast to Coast," and "Salute Your Shorts."
I own "The White Room" by the KLF.
I was once top spod on Resort.
I'm not Finnish.
I am named after a Dutch candy and a font.
I brought home 69 packs of Mentos from Europe.
I own a Powerful Elvis Prayer Candle.
I was a pool hustler at the age of seven.
I have literally hundreds of books in my bedroom closet.
I have had my lucky potato for one year and eight months.
I stole a mug from Denny's.
I love Twister.
I have a picture of Ricky Jay on my bedroom wall.
I know who Richard Feynman is.
I was declared "cool" by the band God Lives Underwater.
I am a Missouri Scholar and a National Scholar.
I once held two jobs pertaining to copper.
I am perfectly comfortable hanging out with people who are twice my age.
I haven't thrown up in over six years.
I found a Nails CD in a skate shop in Atlanta.
I am known by many different reputations.
I'm a painter and a poet.
I can count to ten in Russian.
I changed the rules in third grade.
I am on a first-name basis with many of my closest friends.
I received 59 flowers for my birthday from Rob the Devil.
I have mailed, on separate occasions, ten bags of Cheese-n-Bacon Tato Skins and two fossils to Rob the Devil.
I don't consume alcohol.
I have discoed in Italy.
I started a cult when I was four.
I often wear knee-high black leather boots with two-inch soles.
I know the Dean of Admissions at the University of Chicago.
I eat hummus.
I receive e-mail from Mentos.
I have enemies.
I own a Turkish coin.
I vote.
I stole my best friend's squid.
I enjoy depriving myself of things.
I have never seen "Grease."
I can say "please fondle my breast" in Swedish.
I spit.
I curse like a sailor.
I sing in the shower.
I can recite "Sex Goddess of the Western Hemisphere" from memory.
I once used the phrases "festering Pez" and "smells like teeth" in a poem.
I bought my own garlic press.
I have sold artwork.
I will one day know everything there is to know about the human brain.
I know all the words to "Ice Ice Baby."
I fell in love and haven't looked back.
I am the same in real life as I am on the Internet.
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