Trail Mix

something escapes
and it's me from my old life
swim in a new lake
now I know what it feels like
to be awake

and it is still you, my brother
you have not changed
but in a way you have
and it feels kind of strange
you're not an actor like me
but you've taken a new role
something I could never be
and you're in complete control

I may not always be at my best
but it's cos I want the best from you
I know there's no time to rest
or for what I want to do
but it's okay cos what you don't see
is I've learned the meaning of responsibility

I feel natural and complete
when we are all together
like the pieces of a puzzle
like the binding of a book
we're walking down the street
talking about the weather
we get home a bit too late
and she gives you the look

we haven't always seen eye to eye
but you've finally done something right
look to the future, and what do you see?
I know it's something bright
as for me, well, there's an empty space
it's not me whose new life has begun
but at least I know I'll always have a place
in the little neighborhood called Pheasant Run

TOILET DUCK

I coulda been a fireman
but I didn’t wanna burn my skin
I coulda been a po-lice man
but I didn’t wanna kick the can
I coulda been a lawyer
I coulda been a voyeur
I coulda been a movie star
I coulda been a Russian Czar

but every time I step in the bathroom
I know I made the right decision
I pick up the Toilet Duck
down on my knees with my mission
housewives are a dime a dozen
but I’m the best around
you know that I been squirtin’ and scrubin’
when you hear the flush sound

they take it all for granted
think their piss and shit’s enchanted
like it don’t make no stain
that’s cos I don’t complain
I scrub the bowl every day
while the clock ticks away
I wash dishes and their clothes
and I think that no one knows...

but whenever I go to the bathroom
I know my life means something
I grab the bottle of Toilet Duck
and I start singing
some people want more and more and more
but I thank God for what I’ve got
now I must go to the store
and buy more Duck for the pot

SORRY TIME

I know you’re surprised to see me
standing outside your door
I’m a little stunned myself
you’ve waited long, but no more
but you should know what’s going on
so there’s no disappointment
I can’t stay very long
I have another commitment

get ready to cry
it’s Sorry Time
and you just might find
that I’m not that sorry
this is what you wanted
here’s my apology
for whatever it’s worth
now can you let me be?

I know you were hurt and wanted to die
at least that’s what you said, and why would you lie?
to get my attention -- well, you sure got it
and when I didn’t respond, I was hoping you would get it
I have many reasons which you’d call excuses
but you’re not gonna hear them because it is useless
I have my own life and it doesn’t include you
it’s not easy to say, but it’s God’s honest truth
I did not set out to bring you any pain
but even if I did, I can’t help or explain

yes, I remember the good things we shared
no, this doesn’t cancel those things out
yeah, I believe you’re lonely and scared
but I’ve got myself to worry about
you’ll find somebody to understand
I’m sorry I’m not the person you thought
you’ll find somebody to hold your hand
you want it to be me, but you know it’s not

you’re a good person -- please believe that
you’ve got a whole lot going for you
you don’t need me to lean on all the time
have faith in yourself and you will pull through
I know that doesn’t sound like much
but it’s the best I can offer right now
please get on with your life and don’t stay in touch
I’ve got to be going now

go ahead and cry
it’s Sorry Time
and I find
you're the one who's sorry
this is not what I wanted
but you're still in one piece
for better or worse
you've said your peace

STEAL FROM ME, STEAL FROM YOU

I really love you
but I’m jealous of what you’ve got
I wanna take it away
to have and have not
and I’m really your friend
but I want your friends for my own
and I want you out of my way
I want you to leave me alone

you really like me
like so few people do
but you wanna stay ahead of me
you deny it, but it’s true
you wanna be the expert
and tell me things I don’t know
you wanna know more than me
you wanna put on a show

I really need you
like a life-jacket
but only cos there’s no one else
who’d even give a fuckin’ shit
and I really owe you
but I won’t give what you deserve
because you’ll try to take it yourself
so what purpose would it serve?

and you changed my life
in a positive way
but is it worth the strife
that we exchange every day?
and I’m here for you, man
even when I don’t wanna be
but one day you’ll see who I am
and you’ll wanna be free

DRESSING

to my congrats octopi
and Boyd’s Bear Aloysius
my scenic photo book
and all your prayers and wishes
to Ron on QVC
to talk about cute guys
to car and train museums
and birthday strawberry pies

to minerals at Muir woods
to River and Cobain
to heart-to-heart tell all’s
the pleasure and the pain
care package, greeting cards
while I was away
and “I just thought I’d call
to brighten up your day”

(and that’s just)
dressing on the salad
icing on the cake
Christmas decorations
here for giving’s sake
stuffing in the turkey
ice cream on the cake
New Years resolutions
life is what you make

to little secrets shared
and the Mazik 5 web site
our cultural exchange
and childhood sock fights
nighttime flashlight wars
crawling through the thorns
Easter treasure hunts
new puppy litters born

(and that’s just)
dressing on the salad
icing on the cake
Christmas decorations
here for giving’s sake
stuffing in the turkey
ice cream on the cake
New Years resolutions
life is what you make

let’s climb the Astoria column
let’s go downtown today
let’s watch the lightning storm
let’s stop for food on the way
let’s stay at our lakeside home
let’s sit around the campfire
let’s wish upon the stars
and let our dreams inspire

SORRY MOTHERS

scrawny chick playin’ pick-up sticks
has some trouble with her self-image
saucy chick suckin’ some boy’s dick
she and him talkin’ about marriage
sorry chick havin’ labor pains
looks for someone to share the load
manly man decides there’s nothin’ to gain
manly man decides to hit the road

slutty ma’am lookin’ for a man
someone to help with the helpless one
sorry ma’am doesn’t have a plan
can’t be choosy when she finds someone
macho man slaps his girl around
he raises his son on the belt
sickly wife doesn’t make a sound
tough son studies his latest welt

sorry mothers love their husbands
but those muscle men sure don’t love them
sorry mothers always lookin’ for someone
sorry mothers turn to their sons

manly man likes the fast, fast cars
sorry wife watches soaps on TV
macho man spends nights in the bars
tough son reads books of fantasy
sickly wife is weak and tired
sickly wife is lonely and hurt
manly man has just been fired
sorry mother’s lookin’ for comfort

sorry mothers love their children
they don’t want to hurt anyone
sorry mothers obey their husbands
sorry mothers turn to their sons
sorry mother sexually barren
sorry mother teach her kid a new lesson
needs more than just someone to listen
sorry mother turns to her son

sorry mothers turn to their sons

GRAVEL IN THE SOLE

when I pick the gravel
off the soles of your shoes
that’s when I know
you’ve been on the trail
when I shake the dirt
off those Levi’s blues
then I have to wonder
who’s been on your tail

I wanna follow -- follow -- follow you
I wanna follow -- follow -- follow you
I wanna follow -- follow -- follow you
I got my canteen, trail mix...
and back pack too

I wanna see you blow your nose
with poison oak
I wanna see you wipe your ass
with stinging nettles
you’ll wear the same damn clothes
til the stink makes you choke
and you’ll never take a bath
as the dirt settles

as your body’s pushed forward
by hairy, suntanned legs
I wanna follow your heart
and track down your brainwaves
I wanna see what’s inside
peek in every hole
at your weed-infested heart
and gravel in the soul

I wanna follow -- follow -- follow you
I wanna follow -- follow -- follow you
I wanna follow -- follow -- follow you
I got my canteen, trail mix...
and back pack too

look at your picture
spy in your window
follow your car
a few steps behind
a face in the crowd
shadow in the trees
echo in the wind
something on your mind...

TRACK EIGHT

This is the eighth song on the album

And all that means is
And all that means is
And all that means is
And all that means is

that the sky is blue
and the grass is green
and there’s so much that you
have never seen

and one and one and one is three
and I love Jesus, and Jesus loves me

and keep-away is a cruel game
and telling a lie will put you to shame

and I’m feeling so much
but I don’t know what
so it’s probably better
to keep my mouth shut

you don’t understand
maybe that’s okay
and maybe you will
one fine day

and all this means
and all this means
and all this means
and all this means

is that love will always keep you strong
and now I must get to the next song

OPENING THE CUPBOARDS

Gramma’s old china
sits chipped and dust-covered
tucked far in the back
of the corner kitchen cupboard

and I remember Charlie
with his big glass eye
he used to take it out
he said it sees the sky
into the pink abyss
and the violet void
and the pink abyss
and the violet void

driving down a country road
mountain left, trees right
trees taper off and disappear
leaving nothing but a wall of twilight
falling into the pink abyss
and the violet void
into the pink abyss
and the violet void

I opened the cupboard
sprinkled with magic from the past
I picked up a tea cup
and its space was vast
like a pink abyss
and a violet void
and the pink abyss
and the violet void

MANACLE

weeping willow
armadillo
Amarillo
you're too far from home
Paris plaster
alabaster
running faster
can't leave you alone

first you fear me
then I make those fears come true
if you won't hear me
there's only one thing I can do

venus fly trap
sat on whose lap
crab lice claptrap
life in full throttle
wait for Godot
Vincent Van Gogh
Arthur Rimbaud
emptying the bottle

you make a monster
it's in your fuckin' head
if you don't like who I am
I'll fulfill your dreams instead

your delusion
my confusion
your transfusion
my lobotomy
my obsession
your transgression
my confession
you're my therapy

beautiful losers
who really hate losing
who is the user
and who is abusing?

lightning thunder
pull me under
once we wondered
where does the wind go?
tossing turning
always yearning
hell is burning
not too far below

HUNKY DORY

Eric looks at his watch
and swears it don’t mean nothing
I’m counting thirteen days
till the next time we meet

and he says that a friend
does not mean an obligation
I know the story
and it’s hunky dory

Michael says I quit
and he’s got a million reasons
but I call them excuses
we go back and forth

he says I could never understand
that he is just so damn busy
I know the story
and it’s hunky dory

they read my letters
and they don’t know what to say
so they don’t say anything
and they leave me waiting

silence is the ultimate answer
and it’s always easier
I know the story
and it’s hunky dory

I am the weak, you are the strong
you are right, I am wrong
you take the glory...and that’s hunky dory
I tried to fight, but look what it’s cost
I fought real hard, but I have lost
and it’s getting gory...and that’s hunky dory

it’s the same old story
and it’s hunky dory

TAPPING INTO THE STRAWBERRIES OF DELIGHT

textured ceilings take me places
mysterious places that I’ve never been
in the back yard at night, Perseids falling
where do they come from? how do I connect?

Perseids and raspberry guava
on a rocking lawn chair
and I pretend that it’s you and me
and all our memories there

it doesn’t matter what I say right now
cos nothing would capture the moment
the way these clouds fill the sky
could only happen in the present
the ultra light breeze that touches my skin
will never feel quite the same way again

what’s in the soul? can eyes reveal a wanderlust?
whose eyes can tell me where to go?

sing me a song -- make it hopeful
tell me a story -- a faith fable
count me my blessings, so I’m thankful

I’m pacing back and forth on the squeaky wooden slats
like I started doing so many, many years back
I compare where I want to be to where I’m at
I’m closing the distance, finally on the right track

and in the midst of sadness
in the dark of night
I focus on the full moon
and its beautiful light
a glimmer of nostalgia
and stars shining bright
it’s like tapping in...
tapping into the Strawberries of Delight

I never know what Fate will throw at me
and so life is always a mystery
who can ever know their manifest destiny?
sometimes the future lies in a memory
when grief attacks and paralyzes me
I call on Joy to set me free
the reddish leaves falling from the tree
message in a bottle thrown out to sea

TARGET PRACTICE

your battlefield is his training ground
your broken heart is his mantle piece
your mind has been cracked by his bloody blade
your soul is used to sharpen his claws and teeth
you crawl in the ground, you crawl in a hole
you think he doesn’t know that you’re there
you jump out and strike, as to save your soul
now all pain in the past cannot compare...

he’s using you for target practice
he’s got a right to break some hearts
he needs some work to perfect the craft
and he’s tired of playing with darts

he’s using you for target practice
in this world, the winner takes all
see him handle that bow and arrow
flesh is pierced, and you take the fall

he knocks you down, and he says, "I win"
you get up and attack again
he turns away cos to him it’s all done
but for you it has just begun
you run for him, but you’re too slow
the path is split, don’t know where to go
"I’ll find you yet!" you try to cry
as a bullet hits you between the eyes

fight the enemy -- don’t let him win
end of story -- begin again
guts and glory stolen from you
what in the world are you gonna do?
find the answer -- where to start?
how to fix this broken heart?
revenge is God’s -- rest safe and sound
but peace is nowhere to be found

SPIDERS

you can’t hear it coming
but it’s crawling your way
eight legs of malevolence
to make you pay
one minute you’re asleep
then you feel it on your skin
eight legs of malevolence
to punish for your sins

across the bathroom floor
step on the toilet and scream
you can’t get to the door
can’t wake up -- it’s no dream

their webs are everywhere
duck to avoid walking through
but you can’t avoid the scare
when they jump on top of you

creep, creep, creep, creep, creep
creep and crawl down the hall
sneaks in shoes and underwear
ready to bite whatever goes there

the itsy bitsy spider
crawling up your thigh
eight legs of malevolence
to jab you in the eye
itsy bitsy spider
aggressive and high strung
crawls down in your mouth
taste it on your tongue

MAIN ST.

streetlights
long flights
of stairs leading to gated apartment doors
park trails
hand rails
making sure you don’t fall in the river

short jaunts
restaurants
at the bar in the trendy coffee shop
walk home
alone
but I’m watching you from the corner bus stop

icy breeze
October leaves
my shoes tapping the concrete
hunter green
smoking teens
moving through the crowd down Main Street

a dense fog
big black dog
barking at the emerging headlights
your shadow
I know
you’ll be holding me on these cold nights

a danger
dear stranger
open the doors to your abode on Main Street
I’m outside
I can’t hide
I’m yours on my knees, kissing your feet

balcony
we can see
the moon shining on the river and the city
looking down
on the town
in the darkness below you and me

BEAT THE BOMB SQUAD

can I look you in the eye?
I’m a little scared to try
could I just shake your hand?
how do I know you understand?
and I don’t know what to say
how you’re important to me
I been so anxious today
as I’m sure you can see

there’s a time bomb ticking now
I can hear it loud and clear
it’s gonna blow up my dead world
it’s gonna burn up hate and fear
there’s a siren coming now
to try and make sure it don’t blow
they try and stop that ticking clock
and keep the status quo

I want you to beat the bomb squad
I want you to set the blast
I want you to blow me away
I want you to burn the past

whenever I feel like my life has meaning
and someone else might point that out
I see that my hope was misleading
and I forget what those dreams were about
I’m star-struck and down on my knees
and in need of that simple touch
but it’s bad luck to ever say please
and lose self-esteem that you need so much

there’s a time-bomb ticking now
like the beat of my bleeding heart
it’s gonna make a very loud noise
it’s gonna blow this jail cell apart
I hear the rescue team coming
and I cry, "no don’t save me"
I hear the clock is ticking
one more minute, I’m free

bam bam, boom boom -- see me explode
bam bam, boom boom -- drop off this load
bam bam, boom boom -- fly through the air
bam bam, boom boom -- and I’m still there

CARESSING EARTH

Caressing earth along the scratchy "I love you"
Giving birth to the heavens above you
Breathing life to the flower of your lust
Bleeding strife to overcome my mistrust
Diving off the ridges of resignation
Swimming in the sea of contemplation
Shielding my soul from your heart’s cold fire
Tapping into the strawberry of desire

Kissing dirt in the smarmy "I’m sorry"
Hurling hurt from the phallic jetty
Courting danger in dungeons of mud
Flirting with strangers on glaciers of blood
Filling ravines with saltwater tears
Planting land mines and moats lined with spears
Thirsty for dew on the hot desert floor
Searching through caves in the mountain of More

TRAILBLAZER STARGAZER

sitting on the shore of a frozen lake
he wondered is this my eminent domain?
is this my mighty manifest destiny?
trapped in twelve feet of snow and freezing rain
twelve years old, looking at the sky
blazing a trail towards a better life
now wondering if he is destined to die
or if he’ll ever have a home, a job, a wife

but these are the chances you take
when you’re a trailblazer
these are the wishes you make
when you’re a stargazer
for a pioneer, there are no guarantees
when you make a mistake, it’s always too late
one step at a time, nothing is easy
you turn yourself over to God and fate

suddenly sick with fever and delusions
dreaming of food, but there is none here
Antoine died with his arm in the fire
Alas, here is food, my brother dear
but he’s too far gone, and in the night he dies
and they carve him up as food to survive
and as sister sits and watches, she cries
as they feed on him to stay alive

Lemuel Murphy, a brave pioneer
whose death allowed others to live
as they sat around the fire for Christmas dinner
they wondered what better gift he could give
but he wasn’t alone in his sacrifice
other trailblazers passed away too
to eat of your family was the only vice
the only thing they were forbidden to do

but these are the chances you take
when you’re a trailblazer
these are the wishes you make
when you’re a stargazer
for a pioneer, there are no guarantees
when you make a mistake, it’s always too late
one step at a time, nothing is easy
you turn yourself over to God and fate

so here’s to the trailblazer
let’s honor his pioneer spirit
pay homage to the stargazer
too bad when they don't live to hear it

HAND ON YOUR CHEEK

spot of sun in your eyes
apocalyptic clouds
warm breath touches my fair skin
and my own breath’s heavy now
and my own breath’s heavy now

and all I really, really want
is to lay my hand against your cheek
envelop your tongue with my lips
cos the earth inherits the meek
cos the earth inherits the meek

I watch you climb this tall tree
you’re not afraid that you will fall
from the sky, looking down at me
do you really see me at all?
do you really see me at all?

there’s a treasure buried somewhere
dig a hole with your hands
carve a trail thru thick green vines
and wind up in a foreign land
wind up in a foreign land

you find a shady spot
in a grove of trees
your legs spread out in front of me
shorts pulled down to your knees
shorts pulled down to your knees

a touch that tickles the senses
your soul on the pores of your skin
heart and mind, vast galaxies
and I am entering in
and I am entering in

and what I really, really want
is to lay my hand against your cheek
envelop your tongue with my lips
cos the earth inherits the meek
yeah, the earth inherits the meek

TIME'S RUNNING OUT

land is shaking, earth is quaking
prophets making doomsday cries
water’s flooding, mud is flowing
no one knowing who lives and who dies

I am thinking...land will be sinking
into the vast blue sea
and I worry...God’s in a hurry
to end this chapter of the story
we are walking...and we’re talking
and I could just disappear
and you, dear witness, will be scared shitless
and you’ll cry, "A spaceship was here!"

the sun is setting...and I am getting OUT
the end is coming...time is running OUT
the world is turning...and Man is burning OUT
the end is coming...time is running OUT

singles sinning, crime is winning
teachers spinning fabulous tales
snake’s enticing, man’s sufficing
sacrificing space in jails

I suggest...that it might be best
if we knew right from wrong
but then again...I’m ignorant when
I don’t feel faithful and strong
I’m impure thoughts and other "Thou shalt not's"
and then you disappear
I say "No, please wait!" but it’s too late
as my face is wet with tears

tick and tock, goes the clock
I’m on the rock of ages
horror fiction, sex addiction
and a million other cages
since we’ve been apart, my broken heart
just wants to disappear
I can’t take the fear of another year
so come get me, I’m right here
I’ve got no brains so when it rains
my shelter’s nowhere near
if I could shout, I’d get right out
look up and disappear

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