BLEEDING HEART

Welcome
Out of the Cave
Umbrella Cloak
Lustin' Out
Frank Lee
Right Wing March
Underware Brigade
Oral
Like Someone You Know
X2
Drifting
Big Shallow Ocean
Little Red Droplets
The Next Thing

WELCOME

Here is my little green space
look around and find your place
take it easy, take it slow
anywhere you wanna go

here is the smile that heals
here is the look that steals your heart
here is the touch that feels
like your whole world's being torn apart

here is the hand you take
do it for your own heart's sake
and if, by chance, that heart should break
what good glue memories make

breathe in the fresh air
savor the sweet flowers
hear the crashing waves
feel your own power

want me until you feel a need
need me 'til you're consumed with greed
take from me if that's your master plan
but I only ever give what I can

OUT OF THE CAVE

I was reading Hedda Gabler
and eating apple cobbler
when Josephine my waiter
asked to take my order

"Toothpaste soup...flossy salad...
Listerine dressing...porcelain for desert."

I was playing Space Invaders
and fucking aligators
and Josephine my mother
was a policeman undercover

"You're arrested for stealing make-up...
and kidnapping Joe's dog's hairdresser."

I was listening to Mozart
and slurping up a Pop Tart
when Josephine my sweet chick
probed me with an ice pick

ouch my pouch is getting bigger
suck my lucky tasty trigger
bullets never hit the right place
how can I lose my heart and save my face?

I was dancing the lambada
with my date senior Nada
and Josephine my counselor
was also the club's bouncer

"This ain't your flock--find somewhere else to play.
See you three o'clock Wednesday."

I flew with Mary Poppins
and maimed health-center drop-ins
but Madam Cruella
blew Master Godzilla

UMBRELLA CLOAK

shelter shelter cover me cover me
press on press on smother me smother me
dive in dive in inner tube inner tube
spread on spread on tasty lube tasty lube
lick me lick me suck my blood suck my blood
bite me bite me you sharp stud you sharp stud
fill me fill me in and out in and out
thrill me thrill me scream and shout scream and shout

bang bang bang bang shoot me up shoot me up
pouring pouring fill my cup fill my cup
empty empty put me in put me in
tired wake up again again again again

scratch me scratch me toe and thumb toe and thumb
hurt me hurt me make me numb make me numb
puncture puncture inhale the pain inhale the pain
wipe it wipe it wear my stain wear my stain

shelter shelter cover me cover me
press on press on smother me smother me
dive in dive in inner tube inner tube
spread on spread on tasty lube tasty lube
lick me lick me suck my blood suck my blood
bite me bite me you sharp stud you sharp stud
fill me fill me in and out in and out
thrill me thrill me scream and shout scream and shout

LUSTIN' OUT

I am normal
I am normal
Today is just the average shit, this monotonous drudgery
just like every day that's spread out over the week
but it would be unfair to call me a victim of slavery
I do what I want when I'm not afraid
I do what I want when I'm not afraid
I do what I want when I'm not afraid
I do what I want when I'm not too fuckin' weak

Time to explode
Time to explode
and not a soul in the house has a clue of what I do with my time
and not a soul in the house would wanna sneak a peak into my mind
so every soul in the house is one way or another blind
I used to care but now I just go on
I used to care but now I just go on
I used to care but now I just go on
I used to care but now I take whatever pleasure I can find

and a picture's worth a thousand
and a daydream so much more
and the Kleenex in my free hand
and the "Keep Out" sign on the door

It's no secret
It's no secret
and I make so much noise in the middle of the night
and the footsteps up the stairs always fill me with such a fright
pull covers over and I'm just sleepin' tight
I try to find love in a world full of shit
I try to find love in a world full of shit
I try to find love in a world full of shit
I try to find love but dreams and lust are all that's in sight

FRANK LEE

pardon while I cling
pardon while I cling
excuse me while I follow you
find out if our friendship's true
and what I can bring
and what I can bring

are you sick of me?
are you sick of me?
do you want to throw me out?
forgive my awkward self-doubt
it's just what I see
it's just what I see

can I give you fun?
can I give you fun?
can I be part of good times?
can I thrill more than street mimes?
my life's just begun
my life's just begun

won't you take my hand
won't you take my hand
give a chance to help me grow
be patient, progress is slow
and most is unplanned
and most is unplanned

you can lean on me
you can lean on me
there's two sides to everything
two as well as one can cling
codependency
codependency

RIGHT WING MARCH

walk with your eyes closed
even crossing the street
walk with your eyes closed
and you'll never be beat

talk with your mouth closed
if the talk's too personal
talk with your mouth closed
so you don't risk telling all

walk with your eyes closed
and with a clenched fist
walk with your eyes closed
so no one is pissed

think with your mind closed
so you'll never make waves
think with your mind closed
so the road's always paved

UNDERWARE BRIGADE

I'm in with my beer buddies
I been talkin' baseball for hours
I been slouched on the couch with Miss August
entranced by her seductive powers

sign on the door--no cows or old hags
shit on the floor--no garbage bags
we're keeping score--no dykes and no fags
world outside's a bore--time cards and name tags

underware brigade
beer and Gatorade
farting serenade
belching renegades

pat this good ole boy on the shoulder
something is getting him down
we can work it out if we put our heads together
quality circle jerk in the pub down town

playin' it cool--pretend to give a damn
unwritten rule--deal with it like a man
act like a fool whenever you can
underware school for the short attention span

underware brigade
beer and Gatorade
farting serenade
belching renegades

ORAL

I had to see if you remember me
It's been some years since I have climbed your tree
I had to see if you would choose to be
the same as years ago when you knew me

I had to know where you would like to go
I need to find which way your river flows
I'll follow your wind and where it blows
I need to find what everyone else knows

I had to find if you have liked my kind
you could not see me follow from behind
and now it seems like you are fucking blind
there's nothing from me you hope to find

LIKE SOMEONE YOU KNOW

Still reeling from a demon's rejection
so I run to a fallen angel
still feeling I can't love again
and all my life is weak and unstable
I think about you and try to believe
I feel your arms and legs holding me
I want your kiss more than I want to breathe
I can't believe what's come over me

you chose to be a comforting friend
which made me want you a whole lot more
I love you more now than I did then
more than I've ever loved before
and now I want you all to myself
and I want you all of the time
and to me that would be more wealth
than of the big time lords of crime

If I could touch your face with my hands
I know I'd cry a million oceans
until there was no more dry land
and I drowned in a sea of emotion

you're number one in my book, and that's okay
I'll never be that special to you
if your beauty wants to brighten my day
this inequality I can live through
Sometimes I wish I could get from you
some fraction of what I have to give
but if I can actually give to you
it makes my life alright to live

let me just look at you...
let me think you're something special...
something beautiful...

I run to you so fast
my legs don't know how tired they are
I try to make each moment last
like making the most of a shooting star
everything means as much as it can
more to me than it does to you
everything fits the master plan
to love and give all I can to you

X2

one way to win
one loves another
one who has already
won the game
one knows not
one wants the other
one lost his pride
won some shame

too cruel for you
to be tied to a chair
two ears forced
to listen to me
too cruel for me
to try and bare
two sources of guilt
to shake my tree

for years I dreamed
for dreaming heals
four years shot
for nothing new
for years I hoped
for what he feels
four times more
for loving true

DRIFTING

go on sleep sleep into the winter
while the sun sizzles skin of your sister
girlfriend gone -- do you miss her?
sleep on it...sleep it off
sleep on it...sleep it off

running water heating steaming snoozing breathing ripples splashing squeezing losing running water heating steaming snoozing breathing ripples splashing squeezing losing

quiet air
alone
fantasy friends
holding you
'til freedom ends

go on sleep sleep into the winter
while the shade powders your skin tones lighter
boyfriend gone -- what are you after?
sleep today...sleep away
sleep today...sleep away

running water heating steaming snoozing breathing ripples splashing squeezing losing running water heating steaming snoozing breathing ripples splashing squeezing losing

and you said, "I love you"
and you feel that it's true
but how many have there been
in this dream land?
how many for "love" to lose its meaning?

go on sleep sleep into the winter
see what more chances you can now hinder
'til your whole damn life has been squandered
please awake...for God's sake
please awake...for God's sake

BIG SHALLOW OCEAN

puddle stomp
and splash on my face
lick me off
in your tender embrace
scrape the mud from the soles of my shoes
on a make
to the take
for the sake
of nothing to lose

flying all around you
jumping on cracks in the floor
wish you would notice me
wish I could break you free
pushed into the wall socket
feeding you all kinds of shit
wish you could pull me in
wish you could sink, not swim
wish you could shed tears on me
wish I could write poetry

all this wanting wastes my time
waiting for defused land mines
blowing up and blowing jobs
on the chance bad timing robs

well, fuck this!
what am I for?
or this monumental diminished effort?
fuck me
and the horse I rode in on
one for free and then I'm gone

LITTLE RED DROPLETS

see them dripping down
from my bleeding heart
see them dripping down
from my bleeding heart
little red droplets
from one torn apart

see it crumble to pieces
on my soaked sleeve
see it crumble to pieces
on my soaked sleeve
bared soul naked
hard to believe

when my heart was broken
I'd scream and shout
when my heart was broken
I'd scream and shout
but after awhile
only blood came out

streaming out my eyes
all down my face
streaming out my eyes
all down my face
little red droplets
from the empty space

THE NEXT THING

The next thing to write is a love song for myself
the next thing to pack is my past on the shelf
it's been here too long, taking space in my heart
so my next great love song won't tear me apart

the next thing to find is a life of my own
a life full of friends so I'm never alone
the next thing to do is make my dreams come true
the next thing to feel is right about you

the next tears I cry will wash the pain away
the next miracle is to turn the night to day
the next big goal is to believe in me
cos to be made whole, I must set myself free

the next chapter is to change the story
the happy-ever-after will give me the glory
cos nobody else is good enough
everyone else is a set of hand cuffs

the next place to live is the island that's me
the next one to trust in the mirror I see
the next hand I hold is my own gentle touch
and I'll never again need anyone that much

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© 1998 Matt Russell.