lost in Space...found in Time
Hale-Bopp
Tupperware Party
Customer Service at the Bottle Return
Tualatin
Loco Anesthetic
Silencer
An Orgy Without Me
What's Become of My Life
Girl
Foetus Fetish
Travis
Hope Stings Infernal
lastnight I didn't see Hale-Bopp
just a star-filled sky and some scattered clouds
and though I was slightly disappointed
I didn't stomp my feet or cry aloud
ooh, ooh...doo bee wah...fly-ah-ka
oh, oh...snaenty ba...ku-pe-ka
yeah, yeah...ogly blo...bienty go
ah hah...oogbee ko...oogbee snow
lastnight I didn't see Hale-Bopp
but it was in my heart just the same
one comet is all in the grand sceme of things
it don't matter the place, it don't matter the name
ooh, ooh...ga nah ga...eepla flwah
oh, oh...tondy slah...backby shah
yeah, yeah...eendee spee...contee blee
ah hah...fid lee dee...com suc quee
you got up this morning and cut off your dick
your voice shatters glass three feet thick
I'm a stupid geek with a shaved head
and tomorrow morning, I'll be dead
oh ko, a yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo , yo, yo...
maybe I did see...
maybe you did see...
maybe we did see...
maybe I did see...
HALE-BOPP!
oh Phil, if you could see me now
man, you'd be so damn proud
maybe I can share this with you
what greater thing for a friend to do?
yellow salad bowl
good for salads or casserole
beckons in my hand
good for mixes or a bed pan
holds M&M's and nuts
good for storage and hair cuts
yellow salad bowl
good for salads...and your soul
it's so important to have a purpose
a honest sense of identity
for awhile I thought I'd join the circus
but they'd just make a fool of me
yellow salad bowl
good for salads or casserole
beckons in my hand
good for mixes or a bed pan
holds M&M's and nuts
good for storage and hair cuts
yellow salad bowl
good for salads...and your soul
do you think this life is inane?
do you think I'm going insane?
wait 'till you see the neon plate series
then I'll answer all your queries
CUSTOMER SERVICE AT THE BOTTLE RETURN
parental guidance is strongly advised
child visitation will be supervised
you learn how to live, and you live what you learn
customer service at the bottle return
no smoking allowed in this building
no radios while the plane is landing
give ten percent of what you earn
customer service at the bottle return
always yield to oncoming traffic
walk softly and carry a big stick
there is a season, turn, turn, turn
customer service at the bottle return
let me see your license and registration
to see the play, make a reservation
repent and fly, or sin and burn
customer service at the bottle return
river
of shit and mud
river
of sand and blood
come
swim in it with me
it’s where you’re from
now I can see
take
my loving, strangling hands
make
them disappear in quicksand
touch
this longing silent tongue
breathe
in my drowning lungs
arms and legs wrapped around you
hands and feet intertwined
pressing hard in and against you
your body melts into mine
everyone is searching the river
everyone is looking for us
everyone is cleaning the river
but no one will ever find us
river
of shit and piss
river
of spit and jizz
come
live and die with me
come
sink and fly with me
and there’s no more confusion
you’ll finally know what’s wrong
invite you to reach out
it will make you strong
river
and its deep, dark depths
river
of your life and death
come
with your lust alive
come
come and take that dive
take off your clothes...
and mount me, baby
shoot at the windows...
they shatter, baby
give me your dirty look...
and wicked laugh, baby
like you’re diggin’ that hook...
in my jaw, baby
leaning on your varicose veins
muscle twitch and a shooting pain
shin splint, back ache, and a tiny pin prick
for a little heartache, I’ll be your loco anesthetic
talk and take out your trash...
dump it in me, baby
scratch your ugly skin rash...
before my eyes, baby
cry, tell your life story...
to my ears, baby
make it good and gory...
like I like it, baby
don’t know if it’s gas or a heart attack
rotate the heat and the ice pack
a gaping gash, scrape, cut or nick
but for a little cash, I’m your loco anesthetic
dig those sharp claws...
in my flesh, baby
break all the laws...
in the book, baby
life is a fraud...
rippin’ you off, baby
be an angry god...
judge the world, baby
a hair, a nail, a tooth pulled out
yell, scream, wail, cry, bellow, shout
whacked on the head with a cement brick
pumped full of lead and a loco anesthetic
as you’re lying in your bed
all the voices in your head
telling you what to do
and what you already knew
and these voices never stop
each with its own bomb to drop
and these voices won’t subside
as long as you cannot abide
accept what is
that’s the peacemaker
that’s the silencer
of the voices
don’t try to change
what you can’t control
be honest with your soul
and your choices
voices of shallow pig demons
memories of broken promises
God helping those who help themselves
me, me, me like you’re just turning twelve
freedom and peace at your expense
excuses, excuses, and life in past tense
it’s not your fault, but you’re still to blame
and it will never be the same
accept what is
that’s the peacemaker
that’s the silencer
of the voices
don’t try to change
what you can’t control
be honest with your soul
and your choices
voices telling you to fight
voices saying it’s your right
to change people’s minds and hearts
to put together what they tore apart
you’re a one-man army with many battle scars
arms are strained from reaching for the stars
can’t swim the ocean, so you’re bound to sink
drowned in emotion...time to stop and think
bow your head and pray to God
bury yourself in somebody’s arms
use your own voice like it’s now or never
and the other voices will be silent forever
AN ORGY WITHOUT ME (or Superslut Scuttlebutt)
lonely tongue
wonders what you taste like
how does it feel
to go inside?
riding your friends
like riding a bike
friendship and lust
compete and collide
I’m gonna be blunt
it's a popularity stunt
I wanna join the hunt
for cock and cunt
fingers and teeth
press against that nipple
it kinda hurts
and it kinda tickles
moves onto your dick
cos mouths are so fickle
teeth turn you on
and hurt just a little
an orgy without me
does everyone doubt me?
a gangbang without me
don’t know nothin’ about me
let me in, let me in, let me in, let me in...on this sin
let me in, let me in, let me in, let me in...in your skin
let me go, let me go, let me go, let me go...to the party tonight
let me know, let me know, let me know, let me know...how to do it right
an orgy sans me
can nobody stand me?
a gangbang sans me
nobody understands me
what do your balls taste like?
do they taste like chicken?
the bedroom’s occupied
let’s do it in the kitchen
too many bodies
sprawled on the living room floor
and now your parents are opening
the front door
running in the barren rice field
under the overcast gloom
where the sun can’t break through
and the clouds forecast doom
and it doesn’t even rain
to wash the sweat off my skin
or to wash away the pain
from the outside in
I look to the sky and I see nothing
I look to the north and I see nowhere
I look to the ground where shit is growing
I look to the south and it’s empty there
I lie in the dirt and make dirt angels
I wipe myself off and wait for a sign
I hear someone approach, the footsteps of devils
I run away and step on a land mine
I should be dead, but I’m glued back together
I’m sill alive, but I don’t know my name
and now I’m waiting for a change in the weather
but I suspect it will stay the same
I look to the west and the sun is setting
I look in myself and I see empty space
I look to the east where the land is forgetting
that there ever was light, a time and a place
oh, oh...I never felt like this
I never, ever knew what I’ve missed
and I swear to you, I never felt like this
though we’ve never touched and we’ve never kissed
and I don’t know if I should mess with this
what would happen if I tried something more
what would happen if we ever kissed
it would be something that’s never happened before
and so, and so...I don’t want to risk this
this thing that we have, whatever you’d call it
this mutual respect or maybe just friendship
I don’t want to do anything to ruin it
you changed my life -- though you would deny it
you pull out a knife -- go ahead and try it
you want me to go -- say "fuck off and die"
but deep down I know...you’d fuck me and cry
you put on a show -- tough, take no shit
you never say no -- take where you can get it
you want to live with the same people you hate
to kill or forgive -- it’s never too late
you live your life real -- bare your soul raw
reveal how you feel -- sink nail hole thaw
talk dirty and mean -- and no compromise
drink your gasoline -- wipe the smoke from your eyes
I don’t know what it’s like to be attractive
I don’t know what it’s like to be popular
I don’t know what it’s like to be sexually active
I don’t know what it’s like to live on that side of the river
I don’t know what it’s like to be the lead in all the plays
I don’t know what it’s like to have so many friends
I don’t know what it’s like to have work that pays
I don’t know what it’s like to be in on all the trends
but there’s more to me than jealousy
I feel more for you than even I want to
and I know it’s just gonna hurt...
but I can’t help it
all the love I’ve ever felt was unrequited
so of course my feelings for you are one-sided
you’d think I’d get used to it after all this time
but it never gets easier -- just more sublime
it makes no sense for me to like you
if we were friends, what would we do?
we’ve nothing in common -- I can’t even fantasize
can’t suspend my disbelief of the necessary lies
but I wish to God I could reach out to you
but I already have and you ignored me
I can’t do it again, like I don’t have a clue
like I don’t know what silence means
there’s little I can do to make you like me
I can’t be your friend just by wishing it
but I’ve done all I could and you wouldn’t see
I can only assume that you don’t give a shit
your smile belongs to an angel in heaven
your body belongs in Fantasy Video
but your soul hides somewhere in this dark world
and how to find it I do not know
no courage to call or confront face to face
can’t write again -- my stalking days are through
but I’d give my right arm for a time and a place
where I could just sit and talk with you
there’s so much to say and so much to think
and so much to ask, and so much to offer
do you ever want to go down deep below the sur-
-face of the water to see what most people don’t see
and to share what most people don’t share
and to mean more than most people mean
and to feel more than most people feel
and it is this that I keep coming back to
it is this that separates me from you
it is this that explains why I’ll never be normal
take my hands -- look me in the eyes
you can touch my soul if you really try
spread your wings, and we can fly
through the heavens eternal
open heart and mind -- hear what I say
it’s the dawn of a brand new day
once joined -- together always
hope stings infernal
© 1998 Matt Russell.