The Last Five Minutes of Sleep

(JAKE enters, walks downstage, looks towards the left section of the audience.)

JAKE: You know...

(JAKE, at a loss for words, goes and looks towards the right section of the audience.)

JAKE: You know... (Pause.) I, uh... (Pause.) Fuck it.

(JAKE turns around, and sits on his bed.)

JAKE (Calling): Hey Zeke! (Pause, waiting.): Zeke! (Pause.): Goddamnit! Where are you?

(JAKE closes his eyes, touches his forehead with his fingers, and tries to gain focus.)

JAKE: Ezekiel!!!

(GABE enters. JAKE opens his eyes, and when he sees GABE, he is momentarily dumbfounded.)

JAKE: You're not Zeke.
GABE: Who the hell is Zeke? Who do you really care about?

(JAKE gets up and runs to GABE, who pulls off JAKE'S shirt, followed by his own. They kiss passionately for a moment, then turn towards the bed, slipping off their shoes on the way. GABE pushes JAKE on the bed, and lays on top of him. They simultaneously undo each other's pants. Once their pants are off, they resume kissing. They are just starting to remove each other's underwear when ZEKE enters.)

ZEKE: What are you doing? Do you know who that is?

(JAKE is unfazed by ZEKE'S presence.)

GABE: Fuck off!

ZEKE: Jake, wake up! Just hold it for one minute, okay?

(GABE freezes, and JAKE looks at ZEKE.)

ZEKE: You can't be doing this.
JAKE: Why the hell not.
ZEKE: You know why.

(JAKE considers this for a moment, then pushes GABE off of him. GABE is still a lifeless doll. JAKE gets up and starts to put his clothes on. There is a KNOCK on the door. ZEKE freezes.)

JAKE: Come in.
ISABELLE: I called the clinic, and they said that you have to call them yourself. They need to see that it's important enough to you, and they also have questions that only you can answer. (Pause) I know you can do it.
JAKE: Okay.

(ISABELLE starts to exit.)

JAKE: Mom?
ISABELLE: Yeah?
JAKE: Do you ever feel...beaten down?
ISABELLE: Beaten down? What do you mean?
JAKE: Do you ever feel like it's too much for you?

(ISABELLE seems to consider this.)

ISABELLE: No.
JAKE: (Pause) Lastnight I dreamed that I died for Gabe's sins.
ISABELLE: You're not Jesus, sweetheart.
JAKE: Yeah but...Do you think I'll ever be able to forgive Gabe?
ISABELLE: I don't know. You have to be able to forgive yourself first.
JAKE: What do you mean?
ISABELLE: You know what I mean. You fucked up.
JAKE (Shocked): Mother!
ISABELLE: It takes two to make or break any kind of relationship. What happened between you and Gabe was partly his doing, and partly yours. Instead of just being his friend, you acted as though he should be some kind of miracle worker and solve all your problems. Well, he isn't Jesus either.
JAKE: Yeah, but I didn't mean--
ISABELLE: You didn't mean to make those mistakes, but you made them. And you've hated yourself ever since. Jake, you've got to learn from your mistakes...and then let go of them. (Pause.) Call the clinic before it closes.

(ISABELLE exits. ZEKE comes back to life.)

ZEKE: Call the clinic. So they can tell you everything you already know, everything they've been telling you for the last year. And when you come home from each session, all depressed from hearing what you don't want to hear, you'll come in here, put on some music, and decide you're still a loser. And you'll take that Genie bottle off the shelf, and let me out so I can tell you how beautiful and wonderful you are.
JAKE: Will you give it a rest? I don't know what the fuck to do!
ZEKE: Do SOMETHING! Get a job...
JAKE: And pretend to know what I'm doing. Make an ass of myself...
ZEKE: But you'll make money and you'll get out of this house.
JAKE: I can't.
ZEKE: There's no such fuckin' word as can't. Come on, what's wrong with you?!

(SOUND: the phone ringing JAKE and ZEKE freeze. There is a moment of silence.)

ISABELLE (Offstage): Jake. Telephone.
JAKE: Uh, okay, just a sec.

(JAKE answers the phone.)

JAKE: Hello. (Pause.) Oh Nick, hi. (Pause.) Oh, I'm doing all right. How about you? (Pause.) Friday? Yeah that sounds good. It's been awhile...Yeah, I know the lines go both ways... Well, okay, until Friday then...Alright, thanks, bye.

(JAKE hangs up. ZEKE is still frozen. JAKE paces for a moment, then sits on the bed. He looks at GABE, tenderly.)

JAKE: Desperation can cause a person to say and do crazy things. I wish you could see me...as I really am. I wish you could see inside of me, but I know you never will. At any rate, I think there's one more thing that I have to say to you that's worth saying. I forgive you.

(GABE comes to life. As he talks, he puts his clothes back on.)

GABE: I don't need your forgiveness.
JAKE: What...What do you mean?
GABE: I don't need your forgiveness. I don't want your forgiveness.
JAKE: Then what do you want?
GABE: Absolutely nothing.
JAKE: I want to make it right somehow. Isn't there anything I can do?
GABE: Yeah. Pretend that I don't exist. That we never met.

(JAKE looks at ZEKE, who immediately comes alive. GABE continues to get dressed.)

JAKE: Have you ever wanted to kill someone?
ZEKE: Sure.
JAKE: What stopped you?
ZEKE: My own self-preservation.
JAKE: So what do you do instead? Beat the shit out of them?
GABE: You don't get it, do you?
ZEKE: I don't. I got friends in low places. I give 'em a call now and then. They live out of state.
GABE: Your love, respect, admiration, hero worship or whatever the fuck you'd call it, it means nothing to me. And neither does your hate.
ZEKE: I name this certain special someone, give a physical description and an address, along with any other pertinent information, like "does he have a room mate"?
GABE: I don't hate you, any more than I love you...Indifference. That's all there is.
ZEKE: I pay them or maybe they owe me a favor, and they disguise themselves a little bit.
GABE: I don't forgive you because I never held a grudge. And any such grudge that you may have against me is your business, not mine.
ZEKE: They go to the apartment, look to see if anyone sees them, knock on the door, and burst in when he answers. They beat the living shit out of him.
GABE: I've got my own life to deal with. You've got to get on with yours.
ZEKE: And then they go. They go far away, and nobody has a clue who did this and why.
GABE: I think that therapy's a good idea. You should go for it.
ZEKE: If you go, it has to be for you, and not anyone else.
GABE: You know, it helps to have a plan, to set some goals. Have you thought about going back to school? You've got to keep learning.
ZEKE: The birth of wisdom is the realization that you don't know anything.
GABE: Why can't you drive?
JAKE: I'm...I'm afraid...
ZEKE: There's nothing to fear but fear itself.
GABE: The only way to conquer fear is to face it.
ZEKE: It takes a fuckin' hour to get where you need to be on the bus.
JAKE: Am I in a hurry?
ZEKE: Life moves pretty fast, before you know it, you'll be 60.
GABE: Have you even tried to date a girl?
ZEKE: There are times when I think I could have sex with a guy.
GABE: I bet if you would work out a little, you might get someone to go out with you.
ZEKE: But it would have to be the absolute right guy and I don't think there are many.
GABE: I mean, you're a 20-year-old virgin for God's sake.
ZEKE: Otherwise, it would be dissatisfying to me.
GABE: There's got to be something you can do.
ZEKE: You don't want to live with your mother forever.
GABE: Make money at home, stuffing envelopes. Choose your own hours.
ZEKE: Vocational Rehabilitation.
GABE: Things get easier after the first time.
ZEKE: It never gets easier.
GABE: First job...first fuck.
ZEKE: First betrayal. First heartbreak.
GABE: There will be many others.
JAKE: I don't give a shit.
GABE: Don't you find people look at you funny?
ZEKE: They want you to be something you're not.
GABE: Don't worry what other people think.
ZEKE: Follow your heart.
JAKE: I don't have a heart.
GABE: Take it in stride.
ZEKE: Just be yourself.
JAKE: Who's that?
GABE: Garbage in, garbage out.
ZEKE: I'm okay, you're okay.
GABE: You're bound to take a fall every now and then.
ZEKE: I've been to hell and back a billion times over.
GABE: I think it's good that you believe in God, get strength from that.

(JAKE, getting weary of their advice, starts to walk around the room, trying to shake them off, but they keep at him.)

JAKE: Get it from anywhere but you, right?
ZEKE: Look within your self. You've got what it takes.
JAKE: What it takes to what?
GABE: Plow through the obstacles.
ZEKE: Believe in yourself. You can fly.
GABE: Everybody crashes.
ZEKE: But the phoenix rises from the ashes.
GABE: All you can do is learn from your mistakes.
ZEKE: There will always be some skeletons in the old closet.
GABE: Sometimes you're judged by how well you can bullshit.
ZEKE: Sometimes you have to kiss some ass to get a little head in this world.
GABE: Sometimes you have to fight the brother to get the girl.
ZEKE: If first you don't succeed, try, try again!
GABE: It's how you play the game, not whether you win.
ZEKE: A man is never poor if he has friends...
GABE: I just thought there would always be something.
ZEKE: No man is an island...well, almost no man.
GABE: Maybe you'll find someone else who'll be more understanding.
ZEKE: Nobody knows anybody.
GABE: You just gotta learn how things work...
ZEKE: The laws of the universe...
GABE: How normal people behave...
ZEKE: How normal people communicate...
GABE: Normal, like me...
ZEKE: Instead of a freak...
GABE: Loser...
ZEKE: Outcast...
GABE: Misfit...
ZEKE: Misanthrope...
GABE: Misogynist...
ZEKE: Maladjusted...
GABE: Socially inept...
ZEKE: Slacker...
GABE: Future welfare recipient...
ZEKE: Get a job!
GABE: Get a driver's licence!
ZEKE: Get your own apartment!
GABE: Get a room-mate!
ZEKE: Get some friends!
GABE: Get a plan!
ZEKE: Get a clue!
GABE and ZEKE (Together): Get a life!

(JAKE screams a loud, blood-curdling scream that makes ZEKE and GABE run away. JAKE goes down to his knees, crying. He is alone for a long moment, weeping, before ISABELLE comes in and kneels beside him. She puts her hand on his shoulder.)

ISABELLE: Another nightmare?

(ISABELLE takes him into her arms.)

ISABELLE: It's time to wake up, Jake. Time to wake up.

(ISABELLE continues to hold him in her arms as the lights fade to black.)

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