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- Without further ado, here's Butz!

- *walks out on stage*

- *holds up a sign saying "You know the drill"*

Audience - *applaudes*

- Butz (or Bartz, if you want) is the main character of Final Fantasy Five

- I have a chocobo!

- Yeah, that's nice

- His name is Boco

- Ok, nevermind that. Butz has the abili-

- One time I beat up this really mean guy

- Hey, you aren't here to talk, alright?

- He had the power of NOTHINGNESS

- Shut up already!

- ...

- Thank you. Now, as I was saying, Butz can change his jo-

- Boco got married!

- QUIET!

- How about this?

- Quieter

- This is as quiet as I can be

- Can't you just stop talking? I'm trying to tell everyone about you, you're just supposed to stand there and look as pretty as you can manage. Which, I've got to say, isn't very impressive. I was expecting you to be a little more effeminate, judging from that conceptual art by Amano

- Oh well, you know Amano. Everyone looks effeminate when he draws them

- Yeah... *dreamy sigh*

- And don't even talk to me about the playstation FMV's

- I guess we're done with you then

- Weren't you going to tell them about my job classes?

- I don't see 'pretty boy' on the list

- I can turn into a dancer

- Sorry, not good enough. Next! *pushes Butz back stage*

- Hey...!

- So much for Butz... what kind of name is that anyway?

- BARTZ

- That's not much better

- Looks like Nimufu's having some problems

- What do you mean there aren't any other FF5 guys?

- According to Valvalis' list you rejected Galuf

- Of course, he was a geezer

- Well there isn't anyone else

- What, no one?

- There were only five playable characters, and three of them were girls

- Doesn't that break some sort of Final Fantasy law? How about supporting cast?

- Cid... Mid... a bunch of old kings and stuff. You rejected them all

- Huh... er, we'll take a short commercial break!

- With only one participant from FF5 this could be the shortest addition to the pageant yet. We'll be right back

Commercial Break

- Me Ayla!

- It's time for the autumn fashions, are you dangerously behind the times?

- Me dress in skins!

- If so, come on down to The Rainbow Shell Outlet

- But.. Ayla like...!

- This year's new wave is the Prism Dress

- Strange garb

- It's soft, it shimmers and it's got a high defense bonus too!

- Ayla strong! Ayla take dress!

- As an added bonus, each is embroidered with a special lining which reduces magic damage to one third!

- Ayla equip new clothes... but look the same!

- The Prism Dress: strong enough for a man, made for a woman. On sale now at The Rainbow Shell Outlet!

End Commercial

- WELCOME

- ... back. It looks like Nimufu's still having problems

- I was so in FF5

- But you're already on the list for FF6... and FF9 for some reason...?

- Nevermind about that right now

- I don't know... are you sure you're even a guy?

- I might be

- ...

- I'd make a great segue into FF6 for you, what have you got to lose?

- Alright then, ladies and gentlemen, presenting... GOGO!

- *waves and bows*

- It says here that Gogo is the self-proclaimed master of the simulacrum

- That's right

- In otherwords, he's a mimic

- Let me demonstrate

- No one knows much about him

- (about him)

- Even though he was in both Final Fantasy Five and Final Fantasy Six. Stop that!

- ...

- He can copy anything he (or she, or it) sees. Including me. Cut that out!

- I'm just showing off my ability, isn't that what I'm supposed to do?

- No! Where do you people come up with this stuff? You're just supposed to stand there while I talk about you

- But the other pageants...

- Nevermind them, I'm in charge now

- Hmph, I liked it better before

- Get out of here then

- Alright, I'm going. But I'll be back!

- What for?

- You'll see *dances away*

- Let's move on to proper FF6 characters, shall we?

- Me, me! I've got to be on! *dashes on stage*

- Uh... here's Locke!

- ...

- ANGST?

- Thank you for giving me this opportunity Nimufu

- Oh it's my pleasure, I'm sure! (Did you get the item?)

- (Not yet... I promise I will though, ok?)

- (You'd better) Locke is a treasure hunter, he's originally from Kohlingen and he-

- Yes, thanks Nimufu. However, I'm not here to 'look pretty' for the audience

- But that's the whole point! Why can't anyone get it right? Waaaah!

- There she goes again, where're the janitors?

- Kupo! I coulda been in the pageant you know

- Uhhh...?

- Are you kidding? I'm way cuter than these other guys

- Uh!

- Now here I am, cleaning up witch tears, po. What a world

- I'm here today for one reason, and one reason only

- I was sure this would be easy! Why does everyone want to show off their 'special abilities' instead of their butts...? Wah-ah-ah...!

- Better find a bigger bucket

- Ugah *lumbers off*

- I'm here... for Celes

- What?!

- What?!

- Kupopo!

- There was a time in my life when I lived only to redeem the failures of my past. I had vowed that by any means I would give back to Rachel the life that had been taken from her

- Oh Locke!

- ...

- I had failed her, I couldn't protect her when she needed me most. First she was robbed of her memory, she cast me from her life not even knowing who I was. She was my world, but for her I was only pain

- It was my parents, they blamed you... I didn't know!

- I left Kohlingen with no direction in life. And in my absence Rachel was hurt again. The empire invaded the town and struck her down. I returned shortly afterwards, to learn that the last word she said upon her death... was my name

- *climbs up on stage* Yes, I remembered, as I lay wounded. I remembered everything!

- It was my fault again, I should have stayed to protect you. But it wasn't too late, on my travels I had heared the empire posessed an item which could bring the dead to life. I promised myself that, come what may, Rachel would be reborn from the flames of the phoenix

- You found the phoenix and granted it's power to me

- You told me to cast off the anguish I felt. You set my heart free. I learned to celebrate life... and the living

- The phoenix was damaged, it gave us only a moment. I knew I could not be with you, I told you to move on. But now, in this place, we can be together again. As it was meant to be!

- No! Rachel, I loved you... deep in my heart, there is always a place for you. But our time together is complete

- Locke...?

- I said, I'm here today for Celes alone

- Well, what do you think of that Celes? ... where'd she go?

- STAGE

- You think you can just waltz up here and win me back? Am I some sort of prize for you? The ultimate treasure to hunt?

- Never. Celes, even before I had fulfilled my vow to help Rachel, you showed me that there was so much more to life which I was missing

- All it took was one word from Kefka to make you doubt me

- ... I'm sorry. I knew I should have trusted you, I did trust you. I will admit, there was a moment of doubt

- Hmph

- I can't explain how it felt, but perhaps it was the same feeling that you had when Rachel came back

- ...

- I should have been clear then, but it's true. You do mean more to me than Rachel

- How dare you?!

- Why should I believe you?

- That's something you need to search your heart for. All I can offer you... *gets down on one knee*

- Locke?

- Celes, will you marry me?

- Alright, drama!

To be continued...