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Wendy News
January 19, 1999
Issue #5
Okay, I get it.
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CONTENTS:
o New Year's Eve
o My Life As a Character
o Kid Quotes
o Reviews
o Really Official Credits
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New Year's Eve
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Going back a couple of weeks, I only wanted one thing for New Year's Eve: to kiss the boy I have a crush on. The young, stupid, impetuous boy I have a crush on. Sigh. Alas, my want had to alter itself as a few things came to light. For one, I wasn't going to get him on New Year's Eve. I also wasn't going to get him at all.
This boy is crazy. He's a freak, and I mean that in the best possible way. He's funny, loud, nuts and totally immature. It took about five minutes before I wanted to marry him. God, what is my problem? He's also considerably younger than I (ahem, six years younger, to be exact). But my crush started slowly and then leaped onto my back to squash me for awhile. I'm still a little squooshed, to tell the truth.
This boy flirted with me. Now, this boy flirts with almost EVERYBODY, but somehow I felt I was the special one. But then he never acted on any of his flirting. I got impatient. I started feeling hostile towards him (a sure sign I should not have a crush on this person because even if we did date, I would end up hating him). But I couldn't let go of my wish for New Year's Eve. My Eves are always so lousy, why oh why can't I just have a really great one for once? Why am I doomed to this sitcom-esque fate of having a "this-will-be-funny-in-a-few-years" story to tell on New Year's Day?
I wasn't going to ask him. I was going to sweat it out and let it pass. But I ran into him. And he was flirting with me. And he looked so cute in that sweater. I'm not much good at resistance. "What are you doing for New Year's Eve?" I casually threw out.
"I'm not sure," he answered, "my parents are in town and I might do something with them, or I might not."
Oh, what the hell. "Well, if you don't do anything with them, you should give me a call," I said.
There. It's out. You can't be more obvious than that. If there was any doubt before, that's been wiped away. I want to kiss this boy, and he knows it.
"Okay," he replies in that high tone of voice that indicates he won't be calling. So now I know what to expect. It's better this way, I think.
So I altered my wish for New Year's Eve. I gave myself two new wishes: To hear Prince's "1999" and to get kissed by a boy, any boy -- just a wee kiss. I got one of my wishes, and it was the better one anyway. I went out with some of my new work friends (also characters, like myself) of varying heights and genders. (It's a character thing to focus on height a lot, so that's why I am now obsessed with height.) Some of us met up and drove to a house party. It was far away, the house, and we ended up scrambling into the party approximately 45 seconds before 1999. I spotted my friend Blaine across the room and he came over and gave me a hug and a kiss (which is nice, but didn't go towards my wish, since I wanted a straight boy to kiss me).
Then the DJ got started. This tall, skinny DJ who looked about 17 years old. He had lots of hip hopping music I've never heard before. Blaine and another woman over 25 and I all agreed it wouldn't be 1999 without hearing the damn song. She went to beg Junior to play it.
He didn't have it. These kids today.
However, one cutie pie I work with, Esteban, came over and planted a kiss on my lips. Ah, my wish came true. Then a few minutes later we smooched again. Then Keel showed up. Keel is tall, handsome, and hella flirtatious. We had actually already kissed underneath mistletoe a few days before, so the ice there was broken. I got some good kisses from him. Nothing obscene, just nice.
For the most part I was kinda bored. Lots of people at the party were altered in some way but the people I came with remained sober, as did I, since I was working at 7 a.m. the next morning. We danced, we talked by the pool and we danced some more. I got a little silly but mostly was just observing. I saw a nipple ring on a guy and decided that I couldn't date someone with a nipple ring -- it just gives me the willies. Same goes for the tongue piercing. Yugh.
I went home feeling satisfied. I spent New Year's Eve with some good friends and I got kissed by a couple of cute boys. I really couldn't ask for more than that.
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My Life As a Character
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All right, all right, I'm just gonna tell you where I work. I know I signed a disclaimer thingy saying I'd keep my big mouth shut, but I'm not one to do what I'm told. Besides, no one is reading this anyway. (Heh-heh.)
I work at Disney World as a character. In my height range I am eligible to be Pluto, Rafiki (from The Lion King), Miss Piggy and a Green Army Man (from Toy Story). I can also audition to be in such shows as The Little Mermaid show, the Beauty and the Beast show, etc. I tried out for Little Mermaid and didn't make it. Rats. But they're having auditions again next month, and now I've got the inside scoop on how to properly puppeteer (move just your thumb and not the top of your hand -- focus, baby).
The big news is that I auditioned for face characters (I'll explain in a second) and I got called back to get fitted and try out for -- are you ready? -- Meg from Hercules AND Mary Poppins! Face characters, as you may have figured, means that you're not hidden behind a big furry head -- it's your face with lots of make-up on it. I LOVE Meg and Mary Poppins is my favorite Disney movie. They're both strong-willed and rather spunky women characters, so I'm delighted. Playing Cinderella wouldn't be as much fun (oh, okay, I was secretly hoping I'd get Cinderella. But this is so much better.).
Last night I auditioned for The Lion King show (in the Animal Kingdom). It was my day off anyway, so I figured I'd check it out. Besides, maybe I'm on a streak with this audition thing. So I showed up in a T-shirt and jeans. The first thing I noticed is that 90% of the other women there were in some sort of dance/active wear, a.k.a. leotards, hot pants, sports bras, etc. I thought perhaps the choice of my new Gap jeans and long-sleeved Old Navy tee wasn't the best one after all. Oh, well.
I got the usual Disney audition intro -- they measured me (5' 6", as always) and then took a quick, stunning Polaroid of me and stuck it to the sheet I had just filled out. Then I waited. Finally they called all the women into a rehearsal room and a tiny woman in front of the room proceeded to teach us a quick dance. Actually, she quickly taught us this quick dance. As in, "Here are the first four moves. Do them. Okay, got it? Now on to the next four moves...." I was horrified at how fast she was going. I couldn't even remember the first steps before we were heading for the next set of steps.
All the other girls appeared to not only be learning this dance, but doing it well and all dancy-like. Poured into their leotards and flesh-tone tights, they shimmied and twirled while I bumped and tripped through the incredibly fast tempo. Sheesh.
Five minutes into this horrible nightmare, I picked up my stuff and walked out. My friends outside insisted I go back in, so I did. I decided I was just there to make everyone else feel better about themselves. Which is a public service, really.
I have no idea if I "made" the audition -- they weren't telling anyone anything that night. I did the puppeteering audition too, which was far less humiliating. At least I can make my hand go with the lyrics in "Bare Necessities." So life ain't all that bad.
And I'm SURE I made at least a few women in that rehearsal room feel really good about themselves. Hey. I do what I can.
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Kid Quotes
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The following are direct quotes from kids (some grown up kids too) talking to me as various characters. They are the highlights of my days, and the reason I keep coming back to this job that pays me $6.30 an hour:
A four year old girl to Pluto:
GIRL: I love you, Pluto. What's your number?
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A five year old girl gets her picture taken with Miss Piggy, then looks up at her and says:
GIRL: Miss Piggy, my mom says I should always be just like you!
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Countless women to Miss Piggy:
WOMEN: Miss Piggy, you're my idol!
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A woman carries a toddler up to Miss Piggy. They take a picture. The woman says to the baby:
WOMAN: Give Miss Piggy sugar.
The baby kisses Miss Piggy on the cheek.
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Green Army Man (GAM) Stories:
A four year old girl with long red curly hair looks up at GAM with her hands on her hips:
GIRL: Are you the green army man from Toy Story?
GAM nods.
GIRL: I have that movie.
GAM gives her the thumbs up. Her parents tell her to pose for a picture and get an autograph; everyone is yelling at once.
GIRL: (Looking up at GAM, hands still on hips with a straight face) Well, I just think you look wonderful.
Later, she appears again about twenty feet away wearing a new princess hat. She waves at GAM to get his attention.
GIRL: Hey! Hey! It's me!
GAM waves to her.
GIRL: (Putting her hands up and touching the new princess hat) What do you think of the hat?
GAM gives her another thumbs up. Great hat.
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GAM is sitting on a bench completely still with his arm on the back of the bench. A man in his forties comes over to take a picture with him. He sits down, reaches over and squeezes a thigh.
MAN: (Still not realizing GAM is not a statue) Ooooh, he's soft.
GAM places right hand on man's shoulder. Man freaks out, runs away and his family laughs at him. He finally comes back over and poses for the picture.
MAN: (Muttering to the GAM) I'm glad I didn't grab anything else.
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It's hard to describe, but in one picture a kid came up to me as GAM and actually stuck one of his arms up between my legs, resting his hand on my butt. Usually, if kids put their arms around me, it's around my thigh or sometimes they just have their little hand on my butt because, well, that's where their hand is. This kid just went right for the crotch. Under and up. His mom took the picture as I gasped and then shook with laughter inside my costume.
If I have my hands behind my back, some kids will hold one of my hands behind my back while I have my other arm around them. Of course it doesn't show in the photo, but they are holding hands with Green Army Man. It's so cute it knocks the wind out of me.
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A father to his son as he prepares to take his picture with Green Army Man:
FATHER: Michael, get your finger out of your butt. Thank you.
Click.
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Reviews
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"Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil"
Written by John Berendt
This book is amazingly wonderful. If you've seen the movie, it doesn't do the book justice. If you haven't seen the movie, just go get the book. I saw the movie first and almost wish I hadn't. "Midnight" is actually a murder mystery of sorts, taking place in Savannah, Georgia. There are eccentric characters, high drama events and lots to laugh at. What makes it all even better is that it is a true story. It's funny, it's quirky, and it's terribly interesting. Just like Savannah, I guess.
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"Shakespeare in Love"
Fiennes, Gwyneth Paltrow, Ben Affleck
I saw this movie for FREE but even if I hadn't I would still give it a good review. Ray Fiennes' younger brother is an amazing actor, plus I REALLY wanted to kiss the back of his neck (it's just a great neck. Trust me.). Gwyneth was actually good and perfect for this role. Ben Afflect we didn't see much of, but what we saw was good comic relief.
A good story (a fictional account of how "Romeo and Juliet" actually got written), great love scenes, and plenty of humor make this a movie almost anyone can like. (Meaning, it wasn't snooty like I thought it was maybe gonna be.) My only gripe would be that it got a little smirky with itself and all its historical reference jokes ("The show must... you know..." one man says to Shakespeare. Shakespeare begs him, "Go on..."), but that's a pretty small complaint.
Beautiful movie. Funny. Go see.
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"The PJs"
Fox, Tuesdays at 8 p.m. EST
Eddie Murphy, Loretta Devine, Michele Morgan
I missed the first episode of this new animated Fox sitcom, created by Eddie Murphy. After seeing my first episode, I'm sorry I did. This is a brilliant show.
Without getting into all the political garbage about this being a "black" show, I thought it was well done, well written, and most importantly, funny. Thurgood (Murphy) is the superintendent at a housing project. He's a little ornery, but mainly he's a good man. He sits back in his recliner to watch "Wheel of Fortune" and softly says, "Thank you Jesus for The Wheel."
In this episode he gets a new door for the building when the old one is broken and letting in the crackheads (I just KNOW that was Damon Wayans) and other riffraff. The new door is marvelous and after they test it out (with guns and a hand grenade), Thurgood's lip quivers and a tear comes to his eye as he says, "I love that door." He names it Doreen.
Oh, there was lots more that was funny, but I can't go writing up the whole show here. You'd get bored. Instead, watch it next week.
Love ya.
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Really Official Credits!
Editor, Writer, Happy Happy Happy: Wendy Hall
To write to Wendy, send her an e-mail at:
hall_wendy@hotmail.com
To visit Wendy's website, go to:
http://geocities.datacellar.net/soho/studios/1232 -- let's stay here for awhile, kay?
"Wendy News" is a Girl Planet Production. Copyright 1998,
All Rights Reserved. Any stealing, cheating, backstabbing,
duplication or otherwise funky bad behavior without permission from Wendy Hall will
result in Girl Planet Productions spooning your eyes out (that's right, ow).
Give it up.
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