Wednesday, July 2, 1997 -- Climax and denouement |
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I'm still playing catchup, but things will be ok soon. By the way, does anyone know where I can get a laptop, cheap? |
Yesterday, when I got home, I noticed that my computer was still dialed out. I quickly posted a message to friends, letting them know I was alive, and picked up the phone to call Dad. And the phone was out. Guessing that the data line was fine, I disconnected it, and discovered that it, too was out. I grabbed some stuff, and walked over to the Circle K, and the payphones there. By this time the weather was threatening rain, and I just didn't care anymore. Something was messed up with the phone, and I had to make a payment. Fine. They wouldn't take my credit card over the line. They still hadn't sent me the direct deposit information that I had asked for. I love bank drafts. Bills just pay themselves. You'd think the phone company and so forth would like them, too. But they make it a real pain to set up. I just don't want to deal with the bill, I won't like it, but just take the darn money from my checking account. I'll make sure the money's there. The nearest payment service was walking distance (long walk, but still walking distance). I went back tot he apartment and, got my checkbook, and prepared to set out. About this time Gary, and Ron, from work showed up worried about me. I made up a lie about Mom being sick, and me having car trouble, and so on. The weak part of the story was that I didn't call in. In reality I couldn't call in without revealing wehre I had been. But, I played my role, and let them drive me to the phone place, since they already knew about that, too. I lied about that, too. I really do hate lying. I'm pretty honest here, and it's not that hard. Well, sometimes it is, more about that later. But I really don't see why the people here at work need to know about what happened. I wasn't able to call in, and maybe I should have asked Dad to do it for me, so they got all curious. Not that I blame them. The next day, today, we were having customers in. I bet they freaked out. I was concerned about it, as I spieled out my story to them in Gary's car. But I was really worried about other things like, telling Azura, and getting my car, and so on. I guess I'm not particularly loyal to my job, but truthfully, I have other priorities. And that's one of the things Dad will probably never understand about me. I paid the phone bill, and walked back to my apartment. When I got back, it was on, and I gave Dad a quick call, and had a short, stilted conversation with him. He was actually more comfortable than the last time we talked. I guess he was in a more familiar role...since he could help. Part of our problem, Dad and I, is that I won't let him take care of me. Over the past few days, he's had to take care of me, and now, he's comfortable. Not happy, not glad, just comfortable. He knows who he is, and I can tell. It hurts him to not be allowed to help, which makes it very hard for me to keep him from helping. Thankfully, this time, he backed out himself, before I could tell him no. I called Azura next. I didn't call her first, because I knew it would be longer, and Dad was waiting for my call. I wanted to have plenty of time to tell her, and beg forgiveness, and well, to grovel if need be. I realized something while I was in jail. I am in love with Azura. We are like puzzle pieces, we fit so well..and to lose her would have been terrible. Her immediate acceptance of me, even though I am so flawed, only caused me to love her more. There is no question now. I'm going there tomorrow, I wouldn't miss it for the world. Later, I told LadyDawn, and some others from on channel. Vi offered future help, should I need it, and LadyDawn gave me hugs. All in all, I realized again, that I have good friends, and people who care about me, and now someone who loves me too. It's amazing how you always discover these things through adversity. They were always there, waiting to be noticed, but you don't notice until something bad happens. It's like when my grandmother died, and we all sat around, eating good food, seeing family we hadn't seen in ages. Telling all the good stories about her, laughing, smiling. Enjoying ourselves, even though the common thing that brought us together was a funeral.
Today we had the customers in. Compared to yesterday, it was a glorious day, and the presentation went very well. I redeemed myself in front of them, and their misgivings melted away. I'm pretty drained because of the roller coaster ride I've been on this week, but I just keep taking it, minute by minute. I rescued my car, which was, thankfully, still there, and drove it home. Tomorrow, I'll deal with my license, and drive my car again, this time to visit Azura. One good thing I did discover: taking the bus gets me to work quicker, and it costs less than paying for parking downtown. I'm going to buy a ticket next week, and that will take care of that for me.
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