Wednesday 9, 1997 -- Home again |
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I give up on catchup. So I've got this big gap, nothing much happened anyway. By the way, does anyone know where I can get a laptop, cheap? |
Saturday was a quieter, more laid back version of Friday. I hate to sound like I'm glossing over this, but there isn't much to tell, except that I am immensely happy, Azura and I seem to be wonderful together, and I'm hopelessly, happily in love. I drove home early Sunday, and called Mom. She's doing ok. The doctors have no clue what's wrong with her. Every test they do comes out negative. They have one more clue, but think it's really unlikely, and even if it is that, it's not life-threatening. Right now they are just going to wait and see what happens. If it doesn't happen again, then they are just gonna go on and not worry. On Monday, Ron called me into his office. He and Gary were the ones who found me outside my apartment on Tuesday. I was expecting this. He gave me the, "You really must call in" speech, and I tried to look understanding. The truth is, I always call in, except when I can't. But if they knew that, then they'd see the core lie in my story. I really really really hate lying. I used to lie all the time, and Dad would just sit me down, and tell me, "I can tell you are lying." Then I'd start crying, sad not because I'd been caught, but that I'd disappointed him. I was only upset at being caught when Mom caught me. Somewhere along the line, I broke the habit. I'm not sure when I started doing it again, just that it became really very common when I was with Heather. One of the promises I made to myself when I left her, was that I was going to clean up my act, which included not lying. Don't get me wrong, nothing is worse than a completely honest person. Some lies are probably necessary to keep the social wheels turning. Like my lie to my boss about where I was on Tuesday. Or "Yes that really is a beautiful haircut." But that doesn't mean I have to like it.
Azura and I are talking about a lot of things, even where we're going to be a few months from now. I found myself rigid with fear yesterday that things weren't going to work out, for whatever reason. Even the worlds where things couldn't work out scared the dickens out of me. I guess that's love for you. I've also had some creative blocking this week. I'm not sure why, but LadyDawn has said that I'm acting weird. I just can't (couldn't? I'm writing this...) seem to get myself to write, or design, or do anything beyond play games, and chat. Speaking of games, I've been playing Bullfrog's much ballyhooed Dungeon Keeper. It's a great concept. I first heard about it last May. May 1996. It was announced in 1995 sometime. I have no idea why it took them so long. I like the game, it's got a dark sense of humor (this game is not for kids), but I found three basic flaws in it within two days. Things that this game doesn't do, that similar games would. Like, no map editor. What sim-type/strategy-type game doesn't come with a map editor these days? It's half the fun, once you've played through the companies levels. And I can't control what order I research things in. I'm used to having a flexible tree of thigns to research. I have to do A before B and C, but once I've done A, I can do either B or C. The research in DK is a fixed pattern. The game is multi-player, which is expected these days, and is half the fun, if what i remember from the game description long ago is still true. However, it doesn't do TCP/IP. What? Hello! Bullfrogs, anyone there?? Did you miss the whole internet thing? It just goes to show that this game was designed a long time ago. That's not the only things about the game that bother me, but it's the main set. Basically the problem is, that I could have designed it better. I couldn't program it today, but I could learn, and the things that I would add wouldn't be that much more complicated... | ||
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