He's such a hypochondriac - he can even read his doctor's handwriting!

A man went to an eye specialist to get his eyes tested and asked, "Doctor, will I be able to read after wearing glasses?"

"Yes, of course," said the doctor, "why not!"

"Oh! How nice it would be," said the patient with joy, "I have been illiterate for so long."

Medical Terms:
Artery: The study of paintings.
Cardiology: Advanced study of poker playing.
Cat Scan:  Searching for one's lost kitty.
Enema:  Not a friend.
Urine:  Opposite of  "You're out."
Terminal Illness:  Getting sick at the airport.
Genes:  Blue denim slacks.
Hemorrhoid:  A male from outer space.
Anti-body:  Against everyone.
Coma:  A punctuation mark.

Did you hear about the doctor who had his license taken away because he was having affairs with his patients?

It's a shame because he was one of the top veterinarians in the country!

Did you hear about the two blood corpuscles named Romeo and Juliet?

They loved each other in vein.

Did you hear about the drug that, when administered to women, compels them to join the convent?

The FDA refused to license it. Seems it was habit-forming.

Did you hear about the Italian girl who went home and told her mother she was pregnant and the mother said, "Are you sure it's you?"

A woman went to her doctor for a checkup. The doc turned out to be absolutely gorgeous. He told her he was going to put his hand on her back and he wanted her to say 'Eighty-eight.'

"Eighty-eight," she purred.

"Good. Now I'm going to put my hand on your throat and I want you to say 'Eighty-eight'."

"Eighty...eighhhhtt."

"Fine. Now I'm going to put my hand on your chest and I want you one more time to say 'Eighty-eight'."

"One, two, three, four, five..."

An old county doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. It was so far out that there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5 year old child.

The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see while he helped the woman deliver the baby. The child did so, the mother pushed, and after a little while, the doctor lifted the new born baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath.