Golfing
Wife to husband: "What's your excuse for coming home at this time of the night?"
"Golfing with friends, my dear."
"What? At 2:00 a.m.?"
"Yes. We used night clubs."

True Love
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says, "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man."
The man then replies, "Yeah, well, we were married 35 years."

Swimming Contest
A blonde woman competed with a brunette woman and a redheaded woman in the Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swimming competition. The brunette came in first, the redhead second. The blonde woman finally reached shore completely exhausted.

After being revived with blankets and coffee, she remarked, "I don't want to complain, but I think those other two girls used their arms!"

Safari
On an African safari, native guide was asked how to keep from being attacked by wild animals at night. "Just carry a lighted torch," he suggested.
"Does it really work?" he persisted.
"That depends," the guide said, "on how fast you carry it."

Archers
Once there was a competition. The idea of the competition was to see who was the best using longbow and arrows. Target was an apple on top of a little boy's head. First man steps forward, aims and shoots directly into the apple. "I am William Tell."
Second man steps forward, aims and shoots directly into William's arrow. "I am Robin Hood."
Then the third man steps forward, aims and shoots directly into the boy's left eye. "I am sorry!"