Here you may read some of my writing including a few musings from a period that I refer to as "The Freiberg Days". I hope that you enjoy my work.
Love Cat
***All of the writing on these pages is copyrighted by the author/authors and may not be duplicated without permission. Thank you for your cooperation.***
THE DREAM WALKING THROUGH
I want to walk in the green fields
Spreading out in the distance with the great sky above
I want to taste the sea breeze on my tongue
And feel the cool air on my skin
Then I could be a child again
I could move in the world without this annoyance that plagues
The angst forged by age and circumstance
Instead I waive my rights to a speedy trial
By a jury of no peers
I swallow the plea bargain
with a saturnine nod of assent
It leaves a sour taste in my mouth
I am in need of a drink
Something cold and pure to quench my thirst
Replace the sour with sweet
I have tried oblivion and became bored
I have walked among you in a state of mild interest
I have studied here and there
And chosen anarchy
I have not met my match
And so
Prefer the company of self
I find the inane pursuits of the players
Irrelevant and to be dismissed
I am distracted
I drop my guard
My revolution is not enough armor
Against the reigning fascists
Thus their stipulations grab and bind me
I will wear their shackles now
But no one can see me
I will do my sentence here
Then slip away unnoticed
When sleep comes in I'll welcome her
I'll dream until dawn
And with the light
I will receive a stay of execution
This poem was written 3 years ago while I was doing a 90 day stint on house arrest for the crime of being under the influence of Heroin and in possession of five rigs. I kicked cold turkey. It wasn't easy but I guess I beat the odds. An excerpt from "The Freiberg Days"
SNAPSHOTS
Snapshots
Ancient images of you
As real as these still flowers arranged before me
Kept from days of glass
Along with broken shards and ornaments of remembrance
These stand on our cold bookshelves
Covered with dust and sorrow
They are as real as a memory can be
As brilliant and startling as today
You divided my heart with your graceful indecision
And wrestled me to the ground in grand nights of passion
You happened across my life
With a slovenly skill that disarmed me
And you knew it
After your crafty dissimulation of my heart
I am building a home in the garden
(maybe)
Where a tenuous peace
Trembles its unfamiliar vibe
While you yet reside in your great urban sadness
Having been your slavery widow for years
I turn slow eyes away now from the city
And your swift eyes survey all
Searching for possibilities in the dark hot streets
How do you dream and what are your dangers?
I invent some dreams of my own
I know my dangers
And I tango with them
Wind Dances
I want to be there with you
Hot street ambivalent ways
Drawing me back yet even as I say no
So
Whatcha gonna do about it now that I am not in your arms?
Am I missed or dismissed?
Is our life frozen in an instant?
One of those damn snapshots?
Is there not something else?
I miss you
Let's run back to those days on the strip
Maybe just for a moment
Dropping Orange Sunshine
Flying
The real summer of crazy love
Pancho coolness
No bummer trips for us
In our prime!
That was a time
Remember?
THE PRICE
The flavor remains on my tongue
Of your indolent kisses
The way you walk with confidence
Your elegant manner insults my every thought
As I move
Sluggish throughout my day
Wanting and wishing as the fool I am
To see you on my doorstep
Silhouetted in the darkening light
Hating that handsome smile
And me yelling
You must go!
(please don't go!)
I would give away the world for another touch from your dark fingers
Slow and careless across my skin
As I dream of you
In and out of consciousness
Because I was purchased a long time ago for the price of your smile
For David
CLEAN SLATE
Staring up through the tall Eucalyptus trees it looks like rain
There is a twisted bough that looks like a noose
Way up above
And I see my life for a moment
Falling into the hook of that bough
And slipping away
The cool foreboding air is caressing my skin through an open window
And I am wishing for the rain to wash over me
Forgiving all things
Slate grey skies are forming into an empty tablet of marble before my eyes
Clean slate
How appropriate this is
As somber is my mood today
I am remembering the view from another window
And the look of trees in a differing light
Standing at that window just days ago
The leaves dancing softly in the distance waving a farewell to me
And the face of my lover
Lastly turning away without words of goodbye
I watched him for a few seconds and walked before I cried
For the lovers
THE FLUTTER OF WINGS
I have been passing under the arbor of these ancient trees
Through seasons turning
Creation of a familiarity that warms and takes me home
Quiet rain returns to give new life to this place
This place that has struggled to maintain its dignity
Defying the opposing intruders of asphalt and automobiles
Remaining a friend to me
In thanks I walk here in mornings
With my back bared to the elements of wind and rain
The wind sends sparks of water to awaken my startled skin
And I am loving these gifts of the sky
Then I am surprised by the flutter of wings
Kind birds strike across the quivering shafts of light
As they make a valiant effort to break through the cover of clouds
It is a well rehearsed drama replayed here for my delight
And I am walking
In this place of home and heart
My secret alcove in the city of angels
Lomita
Mi cara
A small tribute to my hometown
FOR JIM
A thankful breeze whispers its fine whoosh
Through the eucalyptus leaves above
On this hot August afternoon
The month of my birth
The month of the Lion
Who roars
And gives no quarter
Under this brazen summer sun
The shadows on the sun dried walls
Cracking paint
We are grateful for the kind leaves' shadows
Where is the rumored remembrance
Of my sister Autumn?
Cool forgiving air
And a graceful light
That flatters all in her wake
I await your entrance
As an impatient child
Sister
Have you abandoned me
Under these unforgiving skies?
I am just a girl
Simple flesh and blood
Receiving the blows of age with mustered grace of my own
And carrying on in the steps of my forefathers
Hot
Blood
Anguish
Spawned from my daddy's loins
Oh Daddy!
Forgive me for I have sinned
Then one small sliver of light at evening's fall
Slides
Across the crest of our camp
Reminding us of the morrow's chance
Lest we forget
In the bliss of night
Alright!
Let me pay homage to the desert king
Brave warrior of the days of my youth
You abide in my dreamscape
My wandering thoughts
Perchance jotted down
On the tip of my pen
In a moment of righteous remembrance.
WHAT TIME WAS IT WHEN I BELIEVED?
What time was it when I believed?
I can't remember true faith -
The surrender and the fall
Fearless upon the pillow of the unknown seducer
Arms open
Heart beating
To the summoning of a new adventure
What time was it when I shaded my eyes against the glaring light?
And forgot to listen to voices on the wind?
I think that it could have been sometime when desire slipped in with quiet fortitude
Veiled amid the clouds that slid across a winter moon
That was a long time ago
I have watched 41 winter moons
Waxing and waning against the backdrop of countless stars
I have danced beneath the same number of summer suns
My heart inclined to the West
Where water and sand take their ritual vows
And combine in a perfect flux eternal
Requests made of the angels remain unanswered
As the teachings of age are a tempered revealing
To a long and savage sight
Now sitting with a foreign guide called patience
I lift slightly the silver veil and look with daring eyes in the ways of hope
Towards believing
This was written during the long stay in a period I call "The Freiberg Days"
TRIBE
(A Vision)
West walks the innocent
In search of adornments to relieve her tribe
The heart bearer
With the weight of time
Waves a banner at the rising of the golden sun
Select me to your sights
As I am worthy of your honor
Seldom has glory rested its hand on the backs of our lives
It is with great justice that you now recognize the design
Forged of power and poverty
Forgiveness and light
May we now enter the temple of rights?
Infinite sparrows make their flight on the dusty sky
A cloud cover for the desert people
Hands reaching proudly from their sand bed cities
Out towards the promise of oasis
It is is now our time
West walks the innocent
In search of believers
Crowning images to put on display
Ours will not be the questing unanswered
As the tower stands high on the mountains of noon
A gladed paradise awaits the chosen
After free years given up to the fold
This is the promise foretold of our fathers
The hour has come when we will celebrate our pride
This was written as a tribute to the *"freedom fighters of
the simple streets" who carry on with fortitude in the face
of the greatest strife. I have walked among you and gained an inner strength that carries me through the hardest of times. For this I give thanks.
THE IMPOSTOR
Am I somehow revealed at last as the impostor to my own eyes
Quick and startled
Unfeigned sight
As if it were the greatest surprise to me?
As if my life lacked memory
Too drunk in the moment to look back with desire or intent
To see me as I am today
Deposited here on the steps of succeeding
Riding my worth as a scarlet banner
In full display without morals or pride?
The arrival is granted and taken as such
Running headlong into my tokens of glory
Drinking the accolades
Bathing in lies
In mirrored reflections
I am striking a pose
Intent with designs on the identity prize
Selecting the bright garment of my choosing
Forever in seeking
To lay claim to a life
To make me be someone sustained for awhile
By the bread of the pretender
And the fruit of respite
Arrives the impostor tonight
This was written for a friend who is still searching for her identity.
WANT TO FEEL
I want to feel your face in summer
Giving up that sweet adornment in compliment to mine
Slipping from the surface to the core of insight
When the sweat slides down your spine
And your eyes are bright caverns
Full with promises to enchant and delight
I want to kiss your mouth
Full with a Spartan lust
Holding back enough to make me desire more
With those slow fingers
Long caressing my life as I never hoped to be
In your arms for this moment
To last us
Through countless winters
And form an anchor to secure our lives
Desire may consume ones heart with lust. It may be that one remembered touch that sustains us.
MY ANIMAL
Every night I lay down with this animal
He takes up too much space in my bed
Sometimes when it is late you come to me
I want to bring you in
Find that place where we had acrobatic nights of fire
All to ourselves
Now this big brute invades my territory at the most inconvenient
Of times
He slumbers next to me
Slow steady and ever so large
With each breath he makes me aware of his presence
In the morning I solemnly take my ritual dose
Because I want to live with you
The big ox retreats for awhile if luck is on my side
And I give thanks
Such a simple thing is life so taken for granted
As we run headlong from the schoolyard days so impossibly free
As to break ones heart with memory
Straight into the caves of adulthood pursuits
Where we don our armor like true soldiers
And take task to the fight
For what we know and believe
To honor us and our children
Is how I have tried to live my life
And still do
I don't wage war on the big field anymore
I leave that to the other players
It is my time for reflecting
Sweet lazy cat at my side and a kettle of soup simmering on the stove
Winter light strikes through my windows
Gifting my day
I am alright
Tonight you will come home to me
Honest work
I love you dearly
The animal might give us some time if luck is on our side
Tonight
Chemo Therapy is a tough devil to tango with.
I think love is the only thing that really sustains us.
I wrote this piece around Christmas time, being mindful that we all have much to be thankful for.
David, I miss you.
GRANDMA'S BREAD
I like it when the air turns cool
And the light reflects in softer hues
Reminding me of comfort
There were some days when Grandma would bake bread
Walking home from school
Empty lunch pails in hand and empty stomachs
I swear we could smell those wonderful scents of fresh baked bread
Carried on the afternoon breeze
From way on down the hill
Running breathless into the kitchen
Faces flushed
Forgetting about washing our hands
Sweet butter in a great slab on the pantry table
And Grandma would slice the warm bread
Nothing ever tasted so good on an autumn day
That was a time to remember
Lucky Me!
Tonight the wind rattles my windows
I leave them open and watch the curtains blow around
And I like putting on a sweater or curling up under our quilt
Cozy in our messy bed
Lazy cat draped any way he wants
Ashtrays full
Magazines and papers
Clothes everywhere
Forgotten dishes and cookie crumbs
An odd assortment to be gathered up in the morning
Tonight we have our fun time and no one can say a thing
So what if it is 4:19AM?
I can play on the internet and you can play nintendo
I guess that is what you would call love
Then and now come together just fine for me
Comfort arrives in different guises
Grandma's bread and our creaky bed
Unlikely comparisons
Memories for the heart
Lucky me!
My Grandma has been my best friend and mentor for all of my life! Today I carry on without her. I know she is yet still at my side. I love you Grannis!
TEMPTED
I am tempted to indulge myself
In sloth created by two parent deeds
Now left a puddle unclean
Dripping unseemly on the downside of inaction
The widowed helper is slow to call here
When the unkempt morning
Dull and without service
Necessitates her visit
If walking in this way is a sin
Then I am but the offspring of a dark creation
Ever reaching for the light
After whispered consultations
In sequestered rooms
With an all too familiar addiction
I am
Here and tempted
Sitting and hung like a Buddha
Preserved of a small sight that remembers
I am
I am a grateful recovering heroin addict, never forgetting what it is like out there, a whisper away...LOVE CAT)
In mirrored reflections
I am striking a pose
Intent with designs on the identity prize
Selecting the bright garment of my choosing
Forever in seeking
To lay claim to a life
To make me be someone sustained for awhile
By the bread of the pretender
And the fruit of respite
Arrives the impostor tonight
This was written for a friend who is still searching for her identity.
WANT TO FEEL
I want to feel your face in summer
Giving up that sweet adornment in compliment to mine
Slipping from the surface to the core of insight
When the sweat slides down your spine
And your eyes are bright caverns
Full with promises to enchant and delight
I want to kiss your mouth
Full with a Spartan lust
Holding back enough to make me desire more
With those slow fingers
Long caressing my life as I never hoped to be
In your arms for this moment
To last us
Through countless winters
And form an anchor to secure our lives
Desire may consume ones heart with lust. It may be that one remembered touch that sustains us.
MY ANIMAL
Every night I lay down with this animal
He takes up too much space in my bed
Sometimes when it is late you come to me
I want to bring you in
Find that place where we had acrobatic nights of fire
All to ourselves
Now this big brute invades my territory at the most inconvenient
Of times
He slumbers next to me
Slow steady and ever so large
With each breath he makes me aware of his presence
In the morning I solemnly take my ritual dose
Because I want to live with you
The big ox retreats for awhile if luck is on my side
And I give thanks
Such a simple thing is life so taken for granted
As we run headlong from the schoolyard days so impossibly free
As to break ones heart with memory
Straight into the caves of adulthood pursuits
Where we don our armor like true soldiers
And take task to the fight
For what we know and believe
To honor us and our children
Is how I have tried to live my life
And still do
I don't wage war on the big field anymore
I leave that to the other players
It is my time for reflecting
Sweet lazy cat at my side and a kettle of soup simmering on the stove
Winter light strikes through my windows
Gifting my day
I am alright
Tonight you will come home to me
Honest work
I love you dearly
The animal might give us some time if luck is on our side
Tonight
Chemo Therapy is a tough devil to tango with.
I think love is the only thing that really sustains us.
I wrote this piece around Christmas time, being mindful that we all have much to be thankful for.
David, I miss you.
GRANDMA'S BREAD
I like it when the air turns cool
And the light reflects in softer hues
Reminding me of comfort
There were some days when Grandma would bake bread
Walking home from school
Empty lunch pails in hand and empty stomachs
I swear we could smell those wonderful scents of fresh baked bread
Carried on the afternoon breeze
From way on down the hill
Running breathless into the kitchen
Faces flushed
Forgetting about washing our hands
Sweet butter in a great slab on the pantry table
And Grandma would slice the warm bread
Nothing ever tasted so good on an autumn day
That was a time to remember
Lucky Me!
Tonight the wind rattles my windows
I leave them open and watch the curtains blow around
And I like putting on a sweater or curling up under our quilt
Cozy in our messy bed
Lazy cat draped any way he wants
Ashtrays full
Magazines and papers
Clothes everywhere
Forgotten dishes and cookie crumbs
An odd assortment to be gathered up in the morning
Tonight we have our fun time and no one can say a thing
So what if it is 4:19AM?
I can play on the internet and you can play nintendo
I guess that is what you would call love
Then and now come together just fine for me
Comfort arrives in different guises
Grandma's bread and our creaky bed
Unlikely comparisons
Memories for the heart
Lucky me!
My Grandma has been my best friend and mentor for all of my life! Today I carry on without her. I know she is yet still at my side. I love you Grannis!
TEMPTED
I am tempted to indulge myself
In sloth created by two parent deeds
Now left a puddle unclean
Dripping unseemly on the downside of inaction
The widowed helper is slow to call here
When the unkempt morning
Dull and without service
Necessitates her visit
If walking in this way is a sin
Then I am but the offspring of a dark creation
Ever reaching for the light
After whispered consultations
In sequestered rooms
With an all too familiar addiction
I am
Here and tempted
Sitting and hung like a Buddha
Preserved of a small sight that remembers
I am
I am a grateful recovering heroin addict, never forgetting what it is like out there, a whisper away...LOVE CAT)
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