Here’s your chance to become one of the
toughest mothers to walk the unsafe streets of our cities today!
An amazing program that takes the concept of self-defense to the
next highest level — and into the next Millennium!
It’s
(Why Have Unnecessary Pain — Act, Strike,
Survive!)
Pre-emptive Self-Defense for Urban Survival
The best defense is a good offense! Don’t wait for trouble
to come to you. Don’t stand there with your head in the
sand, pretending you’re safe in a safe world!
You know the Bad Guys (BGs) are bringing tons of trouble your
way. They’re going to mug you. They’re going to invade
your home, ’jack your car, molest your women and children,
kill you — and worse!
Why wait until you’ve got a mouthful of shag carpet, duct
tape on your wrists and a knife at your neck or a gun at the back
of your head? The time to act is BEFORE all that happens.
right now!
But, wait...why am I telling you all this?
Because you are one of the individuals who have demonstrated you
understand the threat to our society is coming from within, and
who have shown a willingness to do something about it.
Because you are one of the “select few” people who we
believe can take this outstanding at-home training course and
learn it like a master in a short period of time.
Because we’re hoping you will shell out the amazingly low
price of only $99.95 for the WHUP ASS! program.
Here’s some of what WHUP ASS! will teach
you:
1. How to spot a BG immediately.
2. How to coldcock a BG SOB before he can coldcock you!
3. The best improvised weapons to use when you are not armed in a
traditional sense.
With this revolutionary new self-defense method, you will learn:
1. The secret spot at the back of a person’s head that
cannot stand up to a whack with a 2-by-4.
2. The secret method of walking along the street looking like you’re
just minding your own business.
3. How to cripple a man while you pretend to tie your shoes.
4. How to use what appears to be a bag of groceries to maim an
opponent.
5. Secret methods you can use to kill your adversary with
ordinary, everyday items you may already have in your pockets.
3. Powerful ways to explode into action whenever you spot a BG.
4. When to beat the pus out of a BG and when to take no action at
all.
Some legendary World Leaders knew the secrets we’re about to
teach you. How do you think they got to BE legendary World
Leaders?
Remember, the new Golden Rule of
Self Defense:
Do unto others what you
KNOW
they’re going to do to you...
but do it FIRST!
WHUP ASS! is the official
Pre-emptive Self-Defense Program of the World Headquarters of
Universal Pre-emptive Action Survival Services.
Because of possible legal difficulties, this information is
presented for entertainment and educational purposes only. It may
be illegal in your area to actually attack potential Bad Guys in
a pre-emptive manner. It may also be illegal in some areas to
kill someone with an ordinary, everyday item that may be in your
pocket. The consumer is responsible for checking and complying
with local and federal laws.
(Not to be taken seriously. This is a parody of a
real advertisement.)
©1999 Jim Six