Lost
Popcicles and fireflies.
The Song
Today I turned on the radio
Test Results
A year of torture, a year of pain,
Speechless
So much to say, yet no word is spoken
Sacrificing
Sacrificing hours,
he
the morning light of dawn streams in.
Waiting for Dawn
Groping in the darkness,
Can't You See?
Alone and afraid,
Silence
As a symphony void of music sings,
More Poetry...
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Grass-stains on little knees.
Giant smiles and laughing cries.
Giggles from behind the trees.
Stories and summer.
Playing in Grandma's yard,
Catching flying specs of summer
With tiny hands, caught and jarred.
August air and crickets.
Childhood laughter and insect song.
Breathing air, thick and moonlit.
All is right, nothing wrong...
Until the story abruptly dies
As does the laughing childhood,
And they fade away, those fireflies,
And with them the world once understood.
7/14/97 10:20 p.m.
ŠJAL 1997
Like I had every other time.
The station was the same, I know;
And I knew each song and rhyme.
I had heard the songs all before
I knew them all by heart,
But they were just melodic words,
Pieces of rhythmic art.
For the first time, though I listened,
I heard the words I'd sung.
I stopped singing to hear the lyrics
Sung by another's tongue.
For the first time I understood
Each word she had to say,
And deep inside those words touched me.
I loved the song in a new way.
She sang her heart and somehow too,
With clear voice she sang mine.
I listened while she told me
My life in perfect rhyme.
And then the truth, it sank in --
Oh, I realized just how true
Her words, her song, her story was;
I knew not what to do.
For in her song she sang of love,
And me, I thought of mine.
What will ever show the truth?
Surely, only time.
7/11/97 10:51 p.m.
ŠJAL 1997
A year of suffering without gain.
Why did I fail? How could this happen?
I ran the race but tripped again.
The tears in my eyes are burning like hell.
I just want to cry; I have to yell.
I'm nauseous now; there's a knot inside.
And my head, it pounds: I want to hide.
I tried my best, I know I had.
So how could my best be so bad?
7/11/97 10:30 p.m.
ŠJAL 1997
--And still--
So much inside, yet, the silence unbroken,
I wonder what I should say.
What is a bard who cannot express?
--I try--
What should I do if my greatest duress
Makes me wonder what I should say?
What would I say if given the chance?
--To find--
Could I find words to make my lips dance,
Or would I just wonder what I should say?
I wanted to tell him in so many ways
--The words--
Yet somehow I'm sure that he's known it always,
He's known what exactly I wanted to say.
And still I try to find the words.
7/9/97 6:08 p.m.
ŠJAL 1997
Sacrificing heart,
Sacrificing herself for love of a new start.
Sacrificing todays,
Sacrificing time,
Sacrificing tongue for love of endless rhyme.
Sacrificing somedays,
Sacrificing soul,
Sacrificing sanity for love of the whole.
Sacrificing present,
Sacrificing past,
Sacrificing prophecy for love of he who'll last.
Sacrificing moments,
Sacrificing me,
Sacrificing memories for love of what could be.
6/28/97 11:45 p.m.
ŠJAL 1997
slowly my eyes adjust to the dim,
and i see the silhouette; it's him.
he waits for me; i let him in.
he slowly walks closer; he comes to me.
i know that his smile is for me,
but his gentle, caring face i cannot see.
i talk and he listens; for me, there's he.
his words are more than reassuring;
his presence, more than comforting.
his love i'd trade not for anything;
his life removes mine's cruel sting.
and though we reach out into the light
and though we try time to fight
and though mine is limited sight
i try to grasp him, his loving might.
each day he wanders though my mind
and as the strands of life unwind
i hope, i pray that i may find
someday his footprints next to mine.
6/13/97
ŠJAL 1997
Trying to find, to reach, to touch the switch,
Trying to withstand the dark duress.
Inside, something -- an urge, a pain, an itch --
It pulls at me, and I struggle, yet
This something is not known, still dark, not in view.
The time is coming, but the sky, still jet,
Looks what I feel, I sense, I know: there is new
Life, hope, or something inside me
Beyond the darkness, the depression, the pain.
In weariness I wait; I wait to see.
While carefully watching, silently waiting, slowly going insane.
The switch tarries untouched;
The artificial, man-made, synthetic light is but deceit
And, though I'm anxious, I know as much
To leave the switch and calmly, quietly, patiently wait in conceit
For the sun will rise, and, with the blinds drawn
The light will shine, gleam, stream in
To let me see
To let me view
To let me know the wonder of the dawn.
5/21/97
ŠJAL 1997
I've been betrayed,
Should have stayed
Can't you see?
He duped and lied.
I hurt and cried.
Could have died.
He left me.
Sorrow and pain,
All loss and no gain.
Nothing but rain
How could he?
My heart is in two,
If only he knew,
Pain felt by few.
Leave me be.
Pain felt inside,
Just want to hide.
He only sighed.
Can't he see?
1996
ŠJAL 1997
worshipping the midnight sky,
Stars, sparkling diamonds above,
allow me to forget.
Serenity gently spreads her wings
enfolding me in peace;
Quietly wrapping me in a blanket of love,
easing me to sleep.
I may escape only in dreaming;
I may rest only in sleep.
Challenging time, a daily routine;
racing, simply habit.
I run constantly a marathon seeming
eternally to persist.
Wearily I gain an anxious patine
yet continue, I must.
With hopeful dreams, I look onward
searching for a day to come
When I may stroll, rather than run,
and smell the roses,
When I may stand still, not push forward,
and look around,
When I may stop to look and listen
to silence.
1/97
ŠJAL 1997
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