is it true?
is it real?
show me I'm not dreaming,
hold my hand.
Silence surrounds us
pure peace,
a quiet moment,
make it last forever,
hold my hand.
The night is too long
too dark
too close
please don't leave me,
hold my hand.
Š JAL 12:30 am 3/27/98
red tears
she would not cry,
Almond Fudge Swirl
I don't understand me, so how can you?
Never
Never moving, only creeping,
Forever Dancing
if I cry
if I cry, will you hear me?
pure frustration
If it weren't 2 am,
pretty
I thought once my life was pretty dull
...to be...
to be pretty is one thing,
a month and two days
a month and two days away
When Tomorrow Becomes Today
when tomorrow becomes today
Lost in the Translation
How can I tell
More Poetry...
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she promised him that...
she'd be as brave as he
she'd stand up straight,
keep the tears inside
silently begging "why this destiny?"
he'd pull through
she knew not how
but her faith was in this man.
he knew this,
it gave him strength
to follow the painful plan...
all of his life
he had loved her
and she loved him dearly too,
never-ending,
ever-lasting,
was their bond so true.
but now he was destined to die
and now she'd promised not to cry...
a final moment,
a bittersweet smile
a gentle touch --her hand to his face--
not a word
no sound was made
all was said in their embrace...
and it was done
was ended on earth
yet not a tear she shed
though inside
with him she died
as he cried tears of red.
Š JAL 11:45 pm 3/26/98
You couldn't see ME if you wanted to.
I am better than you might have thought
At playing the game and not getting caught.
I'm not quite as pure and sweet as you think
I'm a flavor of "nice" with a little ol' kink.
I'm more than just plain vanilla ice cream--
I've got secrets like chocolate with almonds between.
Don't judge me before you've done a taste test
'Cause just maybe you'll like "Almond Fudge Swirl" best!
ŠJAL 10:22 pm 2/23/98
Never giving, only keeping...
Never learning from stumbling
Only bruising from tumbling
And then crying in frustration,
The pain of own creation...
Never knowing what's in store,
Always wanting something more
And then never finding out
What the tears are all about...
Help me up off of the ground but never tell me why
Let me know that you still care but please don't see me cry.
Š JAL 7:50pm 2/23/98
--to Mom & Dad--
A crowded hall, an empty floor,
The band plays now as years before,
Up she stands and takes his hand
Urging her Love with a smile to stand...
He leads in the dance--
Still there is romance
Even now...
A wistful smile grows on her face
As she is held in his loving embrace...
Together they sway in time to the song,
Together forever is how they belong,
And never to part
As from the start
Even now...
In love, united, forever as one,
And still, their dance has only begun
Long after the band will finish playing
The two together, in one voice will sing
And laugh, and smile,
And love all the while,
...Even now.
ŠJAL 10:48 p.m. 2/1/98
will you comfort me tonight?
If I cry, will you stay near me?
will you keep me from my fright?
I'm scared and completely lost inside,
frightened, don't know where to hide
please take my hand
please understand
that it's my own self that I fear
so please, please stay near...
can you hear my tears fall anymore?
I know you said you could before
but do you now? do you know
that I'm dying inside even though
I know you're here beside me,
ready and willing to guide me...
I have no right to shed a tear,
no right to cry or have a fear,
but sometimes I can't stop the pain
and so... what if I cry again?
ŠJAL 8:16 p.m. 1/31/98
If the rest weren't asleep,
I'd scream at the top of my voice...
If I weren't just so dumb,
If better records I'd keep
I would have more than no choice...
But, it's the middle of night,
I'm up too late,
instead of screaming, I'll just cry.
then in the mean time
I'll try to figure out
why it had to be me, WHY???
frustrated, alone,
two stepping stones
to acts that I could never forgive...
I just don't know how
to deal with this thing --
right now, I don't care to live...
one person on Earth
just one human being
could get me through this now...
but he is not here
he can't help this time
no, he can't tell me why or how...
I hate the world
I hate myself
I hate this machine before me...
but all I can do
is swallow my screams
and hope that tomorrow I'll see...
that is, of course,
If tonight I don't die
of pure, pure frustration.
ŠJAL 1/31/98 2:10 am
I thought again, and it was pretty tough,
I thought that life was pretty fair once...
before I realized that it was pretty rough...
I only realized pretty recently,
that pretty soon comes pretty fast,
and then I noticed that pretty things
do not tend to really last...
pretty flowers wilt away
and pretty crystal breaks
pretty dresses get stained or torn
and from pretty dreams, one wakes...
pretty bows once tied in my hair
are in boxes, pretty faded now,
yet I still love those pretty ribbons
that are still pretty to me somehow...
ŠJAL 1/29/98 5:52 p.m.
to be popular, another...
to be best at something,
to be known like no other...
to be those would be nice
but for now, can't they see,
the one thing I want to be
is simply...myself... ME.
ŠJAL 1/29/98 5:11 p.m.
is the date I've so longed for
I've just over thirty days to find
the perfect words to say...
I fear I'll be completely tongue-tied,
though, despite the time I've waited
and surely I'll say something wrong
although I had each word planned...
I wish I knew what to say then,
but as for now I am content
to plan on standing there speechless
to keep from crying when we meet...
I'm nervous, I'm scared, but not of him
just of the moment to come then...
ŠJAL 11:46 p.m. 1/26/98
I will still love you,
because both,
today and tomorrow
are of forever...
when tomorrow becomes today
I will still wait for you,
because both,
you and I
will soon be together...
when tomorrow becomes today
I will still write of you,
because both,
my heart and soul
love you eternally...
when tomorrow becomes today
I will still dream of you,
because both,
sun and stars
bring thoughts of you to me...
ŠJAL 1/25/98 1:25 am
All these thoughts to my tongue?
How can I put
All these feelings into words?
How can I try
To make you understand?
How can I think
That you might truly see?
I don't think that you hear me,
What I'm telling you through words...
I don't think that you know at all
What I want to say from inside...
I don't think that words can ever say
Anything more than lies.
Well-Intentioned lies, they speak
And never a thing more
Well-Intentioned lies are all
That is spoken with each word...
So before you make a comment
And before you say a thing
Forgive me and I'll forgive you
For all the lies we sing...
ŠJAL 1:17 p.m. 1/22/98
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