as told to some guy
This
was me before puberty. I never had all that many friends growing up, and
I had this ratty old black wig I used to wear, just so I'd look like a different
person. Sad, really. Now, of course, I know that wigs don't make you a different
person. Surgery does.
Despite a childhood pathetically normal in every way, I grew to be an artist and musician. A vocalist. Some people call that being a "chick singer" but those aren't people I hang out with much. I'm a vocalist, that's my story, and I'm sticking with it.
But a girl does
have to get married sometimes. This was the guy who got me. A little short,
a little dumpy, a little flightless -- but hey, who isn't -- he showed up
at my door already dressed for a wedding. I figured, hmft! why not! like
I'm going to get a lot of better offers?
This
was our business. We probably could have done a whopping biz if only my stupid
husband hadn't blanked out the number like that. I liked doing the spanking.
I was really best at that. I practiced on hubby.
After the divorce, I went back to my first love. No, not Gary Gilmore! Field Hockey.
.....I did call Gary, but he never answered his phone. Every day I called. He never answered. Ted didn't either. Ya know, that's the trouble with dating mass murderers: they're so bleepin' paranoid. I suppose it's possible those guys were caught. I never read a paper...
So this guy's been
calling me lately. Whaddaya think? Look stable? Personally, I think the little
hood is just adorable! Kinda like Weird Al Yankovic trying to make his hair
behave. Sayyy...am I sure that isn't Weird Al? Hmmmm... Anyway,
I can't get him to use an answering machine either.