Sean Lander's debute on SPIN was in the June '96 issue with the Smashing Pumpkins on the front cover looking like they've been swimming through a safari. SPIN introduced his “Genius Lessons” as a “pathetic aesthetic” that gauranteed his spot as
the world’s only voice of self-doubt. They weren't kiddin.
He started out his first encounter with the SPIN readers by describing a little about himself, then describing just a little about us.
"You are most likely aged 15-30, unweaned or recently weaned from parental funding and guidance. You possibly live at home and have blown out marshall amp.collecting dust in the corner of your bedroom. The little money you have is spent on C.D’s, cigarettes, beer, weed, porn, junkfood, second hand clothing, hair care products, gas and if you have student loans they’re in default."And we’re all sitting down amongst these things and thinking "Me?"
He then goes on to explain how these things make us feel "alternative" even though alternative has meant mainstream since "Nevermind." That the only primary source of love you have is masturbation and the only crowning achievement you’ve experienced so far was when Courtney Love kicked you in the head when she dove into the mosh pit.
Ouch. What brutality!
But then again, isn’t it reality? Oh ha ha ha my people, he’s a psychic mind reader peeking
into your little domain’s and watching you do what you do.
He closes off by making amends.
" Let me tell you something, if I were your older brother i’d kick your ass so regularly that if you didn’t flinch when you walked past me it’d be from brain damage not courage, I’d like to punch your lights out right now as a matter of fact, and then if you’re still kicking I’d send Glen Danzig over to finish you off. Either that or I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about, can’t you see that this is a desperate cry for attention, after all I’m just an embittered art loser pissed off that artists don’t have legions of adoring fans. Naturally none of the view’s expressed above are those of SPIN or me for that matter and nothing I wrote about any person living or dead is even remotely true except of course that Glen Danzig will definitely kick your ass."
"GENIUS LESSONS" may stand out as some kind of a joke, hailed to bring the people out there some confidence that there is indeed, a loser more looserish then themselves. But alas, dear folks. Sean Landers has outfooled us all with his handwritten notes and kooky comics.
So catch him every month ranting, raving, spitting, cussing, and dissing cuz you might learn something.