I wonder if part of what we carry around under the category we label as stress might be easily disposed of by simply letting go of some people, things, tasks, and situations. When we can let go of whatever is no longer a positive influence, we make our lives easier.
I’m one of those people who is reluctant to let go of people. Sometimes, of course, this is a good thing. I still write letters to a girl I met in the fifth grade, 32 years ago, and to another friend I met when I was 14. I count relationships with these dear, old friends as great blessings.
But not every relationship, old or new, retains value.
I know that I used to keep too many people in my life for far too long. Casual acquaintances from decades past remained on my Christmas card list when I could barely remember their names let alone their faces. I haven’t sent cards to anyone for several years now, but, if and when I do again, the list will reflect only those whom I hold in both my memory and heart.
As I mature, I am finally able to let go of some people whom I once thought of as friends, but turned out not to be. Once upon a time, I made excuses for others’ ill manners, even intentional insults. "He had a bad childhood" or "she is stressed," I might reason, or "He just sees the situation differently because of something I’ve done wrong." While those excuses may be true, I no longer grant them the power of absolution for boorish behavior. I think coming to grips with this is progress for me.
It is painful to let go of those who were once close, but far better than to remain vulnerable to someone who does not have our best interest at heart. I liken it to living in a toxic environment, breathing unsafe air, or drinking contaminated water. Air and water that once served life can, when polluted, drain it away. What we are unable to restore, we must abandon.
I know people divorced 5, 10, even 20 years, who remain fixated on what the ex ‘did to’ or is still ‘doing to’ them. I say, you must LET IT GO! Just let it go. It takes a long time to come to terms with a marriage gone awry, but while we’re doing it we need to avoid or at least shed the victim mode as soon as humanly possible. Just letting go of victimhood goes a long way toward relieving stress.
Thankfully, I do not harbor ill will toward those who have treated me poorly. I grew up in a religion that prays, "forgive us our trespasses as we forgive others. . . ." and I believed, still believe, in that concept.
How very easy it is to write about forgiving and letting go now that I’ve become aware of the need to do it. The hard part will be in actually following through. Nothing worthwhile seems easy until it is over.
But now, it’s time. I am ready to let go. And so I will.
"I long to accomplish a great and noble task, but it is my chief duty to accomplish small tasks as if they
were great and noble." --Helen Keller
Even though I've created several novels, inwardly, I still cringe when I think of myself as an author. The term seems rather pompous and fraudulent when applied to me. Perhaps it is a failure of imagination on my part, but I never have been able to envision myself as a success. I, like many women, do not internalize my successes, but rather, I perceive myself as the consummate fake, blundering through life, waiting for it to be discovered that I do not know what I am doing. Quite often I find myself doubting and discrediting my abilities and
achievements.
Wrongly, I tend to define competence as perfection, which I always strive for and am often guided by standards that are unnecessarily or unrealistically high. Perfectionism is very unforgiving and has the force of desperation behind it since it is based on the constant fear of not being good enough. So I write and rewrite, knowing that I will never be pleased with the outcome of anything that I have produced.
I am a woman sliced in two, quietly conflicted. Half of me, the part I allow the world to see, appears confident, hopeful, and mature, the emotions tightly reigned. The other half though, the part which I endeavor to submerge
and hide from the world, the real me, is an overly emotional girl filled with fears, squalling at times like an infant in need of comfort, sometimes raging like an adolescent overflowing with hormonal angst.
Maybe one of these days I'll complete that third novel. Maybe not. But I know I have many more stories in my head. Those days when I can get a handle on my fears and write are the best days of my life...
I truly believe that there is, has been, and always will be a certain group of people endowed with inordinate sensorial inspiration. I'm not sure I'm one of these people. The truly creative minds in any field are no more than
human creatures born abnormally, inhumanely sensitive.
To them...
Add to this cruelly delicate organism the overpowering necessity to create, create, create - - - so that without the creating of music or poetry or books or buildings or something of meaning, their very breath is cut off. By some
strange, unknown, inward urgency they are not really alive unless they are creating.
This is how I feel when I am writing. The joy that I experience when I am submerged in it, the passion that is mine when I have finished a chapter is nearly indescribable. When I was a child I used to write all the time. As I
outgrew my Barbie dolls and roller skates, I put away my writing along with my other 'childish' things so that I could concentrate on school and get on with 'real' life- a life that led me in the direction of medicine. But that life
didn't make me happy and it certainly didn't leave me fulfilled. I felt like something was missing, and it took me nearly thirty years to discover that what was missing was the writing.
I'm an educated fool. Probably too educated for my own good, though I've allowed almost all of it to go to waste. I worked hard for an education and
then, having achieved it, I moved on to other challenges. Sadly, I've let my fears and insecurities rule my life. I've forgotten what it's like to take chances. Somedays, I wonder if I've forgotten what it feels like to really live and love my life. But, I guess, that's a story for another day.
I believe that cancer, in all its forms, is one of the cruelest diseases on earth.
I think Dean Koontz writes fabulous novels.
I believe in extra sensory perception.
I love to eat chocolate cake and mint Blue Monday candy bars and drink cherry coke.
I believe that antibiotics have revolutionized medical care in the 20th century, but that in recent years bugs have
been winning the battle against the medical profession. I'm all but certain that micro-organisms are getting ahead
and that therapeutic options are narrowing.
I love to eat tomato and onion pizza.
I like to spend a sunny day playing in my flower gardens.
I know that sometimes bad things happen to good people, although I don't understand why this has to be.
I believe in the goals of the Free Burma Coalition- to build a grassroots movement inspired by and modeled after
the anti-apartheid movement in South Africa that stands 100% behind the leadership of Daw Aung San Suu Kyi
and the National League for Democracy (NLD), whom the people have recognized as the sole legitimate leaders of
Burma.
I thank God for my friends and family. I've truly been blessed to be surrounded by so many good people.
I adore the color red and wear it whenever I can. I enjoy writing with red ink. (can you tell???)
I think Dave Matthews is extremely talented and love his song entitled 'Crush.'
I believe that educational level often has very little to do with intelligence.
I believe that the U.S. government is very short-sighted with regards to its immigration policy. I know that many
good people are denied the opportunity to become citizens simply because they were born in the 'wrong
country'.
I think there is no one 'right' religion. I know there is truth to be gleaned from nearly all religions if one will only
open their mind to the possibility.
I like to get up before the sun so that I can watch its daily parturition as it climbs over the horizon.
I believe that life is an uncertain journey. Nothing promised, nothing owed. Sometimes you travel in a valley,
sometimes over a mountain, sometimes through the unbearable before you find the blessing.
I absolutely believe that coffee must have sugar and milk in it.
I know that I've hurt people over my lifetime and I live with the pain of having done so every day of my life.
I think that the current research with pluripotent stem cells is a fascinating area of science that holds tremendous
promise for alleviating and even curing catastrophic illness. I think that the Human Genome Project is probably
the most important scientific effort that mankind has ever mounted.
I believe that I will have many opportunities, many lifetimes to strive toward mental perfection and clarity of
thought.
I think that Gwenyth Paltrow is beautiful.
I know I have seen the movie 'Wizard of Oz' at least 100 times.
I believe that we have it within our power to control our own immune system and that people can overcome catastrophic illnesses by focusing hard on getting well.
I think that the crepe myrtle tree all bloomed out with red flowers is a most gorgeous sight.
I believe Dante's 'Divine Comedy', and 'Inferno' in particular, was a true masterpiece of brilliant writing while John Milton's 'Paradise Lost' pales in comparison.
I believe that death is a part of life and not the end of life.
I agree with Giordano Bruno, the 16th Century Italian philosopher, who taught that a soul passes from one body to another on its way to ultimately attaining perfection. He was burned at the stake as a heretic.
I like to think that Robert Browning, the English poet and husband of Elizabeth Barrett Browning, had the right idea when he wrote in his poem "Evelyn Hope" that two lovers will be reunited after one has died, though "delayed it may be for more lives yet."
I think I dwell too often on death and I'm not sure why this is so.
I know that sometimes it's more fun to color outside the lines. But if you've just gotta draw on the wall, I think you should probably do it behind the couch. And if you're drawing horses but they end up looking more like dogs,
then I think you should call them dogs!
I believe in miracles
I believe in the power of prayer and am greatly comforted by it, though often I am so unsure who or what it is that I am praying to.
I think that the Sterkfontein discovery of a complete 3.3 million-year-old arm and hand of an ape man at the renowned Sterkfontein caves in South Africa will result as a critical guide to understanding how and when man and apes parted ways, some five to seven million years ago.
Now that you know a little bit about me, if you'd like to read some of my short stories, click here.