A LOOK... UP

Waving Up At You

The snow was gently falling in the quietness tonight as I went on my regular walk. Today I have been sad. Today would have been my fathers birthday if he were living. As my feet shuffled through the snow crackling below I remembered back. I remembered our going to pick hickory nuts in the autumn mornings together. He would always say that we must find a special tree. To mee they all looked the same. Carrying a basket forever, he would always say to me "Tamara, do you think this tree is "special"? I would always answer "yes" of course, not because it looked any different than the others. Instead, I sensed he asked knowing the answer for us both. Reflecting now I believe he was, in his own way, attempting to help me learn to be patient and await the moment (tree). Dad, I have grown some now. I wish I could have shown you the "special" place i go in the mountains to be at one with myself. The place where I can perch myself above the river, watching the rainbows dance in the mist through the deeply carved rocks below. I remember when I threw the snowball in your face hurting you, but you did not harm me for it. I don't think you were perfect and I need you to know that I am not either. Something happened to me a while ago which I still cannot bear to let you know about lest you think differently of me. And Dad, when I passed the park on my walk this evening I layed in the snow, cold crystals upon my face and made a "Snow Angel" with my arms and legs...so...if you look down tonight keep an eye out for me ok?
*teary*