(twinsoul)
7/97
how is it that you are with me?
I seem to have this picture, and it's worn and creased
and the face captured in it seems to change,
and the color of your hair
appears different at times.
I see you in the dappled light of my mind.
I see your eyes smiling at me
and can hear you laughing, and its joy flows through me.
Your smile takes my breath and pushes it back within me.
Your touch...like the breeze on a bright summer day.
I dont know you, but I Know You.
we have never really met,
and yet we walk hand in hand.
our thoughts dance to the music of our understandings.
and there are no words,
there is only what others have tried to express
and all that I Know,
is that you are with me
as I, am with you.
where ever, you may be...
[beloved]
this is who we are...
where words fail me
my heart will whisper your name
where there is never enough time
to show you how I feel
eternity will almost suffice.
this is who we are...
when all is done and said
and all the songs that sing
of something like this
and the stories written
are gathered to try to speak of this
there will simply be nothing there
that will touch
the depth
and breadth
the perfect meaning
and sublime experience
of what is loving
with you.
this is who we are...
if we are not love
then only a dream are we
and our loving
is our very substance
that radiates from and through -
and all that will be said and done
simply a gimmer
a glimpse
of what we see
and hear
and touch
of what is Love
with you.
[beyond words]
there upon the hill, through the tall grass she walks...
the waves of green flowing about her,
the wind playing through her hair -
as she stops and stands to watch the sky
the sunrise colors pale beyond her silouette.
her hands stuffed down into her jacket pockets,
the morning breeze tugs at her warmth.
I look up above me
as the colors amaze
and I feel her gaze...
I smile with her
and lean back against the fallen tree -
in the sea of grass
and laugh
out loud...
as her footfalls draw near
and out stretch my arms
as she slips back and down
and within me.
my arms enfold
a warmth beyond words...
[crazy...]
how I feel
lost along the edges
of yesterdays desires
and tomorrows imaginings.
wanting
this moment
to be
everything
instead.
watching a sun
setting slowly
into the sea
of dreams.
and I don't know
how to let you go
I pour myself out
upon
within
all about
and you!
and you....
simply let me
through your fingers
slipping away
from you
from me
holding out
and in.
[fragile]
I ache to let go, of the appearances.
A being so fragile and precious, that one look, a harsh word, a cold disregard that could have shattered into a million shinny pieces.
But I am strength incarnate, and I stand and bend as a willow through the winter storms, through the delicious sunlit days, and warm starry nights...
and laugh, and smile, and weep silently within at times, for having weathered another facet of who I appeared to be.
to be free, of these self-imposed limitations, now that, will be a dream come true.
To Be Free.
like whispers of something beyond a veil, somewhere...
between shadows and light.
[without you]
right at the edges,
i can feel it...
like being in the eye of a hurricane, with the winds howling, just beyond my reach.
i can feel it.
that ache, when i think of her soft lips
her touch
her hand holding mine...
that certain look in her eyes.
and when she looks at me,
to see Love looking back.
i don't want her to complete me.
i don't need to ache, when she is not near,
i don't wish to spill myself all over the place,
when she decides someday, that i'm not worthy
of the secrets in her garden.
unworthy of the unimaginable Loving grace
of her presence...
i don't want to walk through hell again,
when the time comes to say goodbye,
and at the end of our days together, when twilight claim's its prize,
and the worms wait for my body.
as i stand naked in the desert of my dreams,
would i then lay at her feet,
all that i am, was, and will ever want to be, here...
for simply a gaze, a smile, a touch of her hand upon my cheek.
would i give everything,
anything,
to be able to say "i Love you", and see her smile back at me again.
it shouldn't be worth it...
and i don't want to be here anymore,
if it means to live, one single second without her,
then why would i want to be here, anymore.
if it will ever be worth a moment, without her.
so, i can Love All That Is...
big deal.
so i can learn to remember and expand into bliss again and again,
and become living eternity, sacred and fully conscious,
within this dream of Life,
so what.
if I Am!
...Here and Now,
and i Love, this human experience, as such.
would that i ever come back to this space and time again...
if to experience it All,
without the experience, of her?
to Love et All
without you.
[remembering]
a desert heat, fierce as an oven...
and my strength poured out upon the sand.
at times it is barely enough to be conscious of who and where I am.
at times, it is nearly enough to remember.
remember your touch, as cool and clear as a lake in the mountains.
as warmth itself, a smiling moon upon the snow outside the window.
someday, I will have the chance again...to remember.
[echos]
shhh...
listen,
to what you just said
do you hear it?
the echos of a past
like the dust drifting
through the morning light streaming in the window
the echos of something that happened a long time ago
but still hangs on the tip of your tongue
in the back of your mind.
that hides in the shadows
just beyond the light.
listen...
as they point the way
like a stuck needle on the record of your life
the songs you keep hearing
over and over
and it keeps skipping in those same places
because the record is scratched
it wasn't cared for
it didn't get wiped clean
and fitted carefully into it's jacket
left on the table
sunlight through the window
used as a coaster
warped and dusty
and you just keep playing it again and again
and I can't tell you
I can't
tell you that it's out in CD now
that there's other versions
that there's other song and you don't need to play that record anymore
you can throw it away
burn it, smash it
place it lovingly into it's sleave
and leave it under a tree somewhere
that you can sing that song
any song as loudly
as softly
as you want
because you have a beautiful voice
and that you can listen to that record as long as you need
and when it gets to the parts that skip
you can pick the needle up and go past it
you can do whatever you want with it
echos and all.
[withinyouandi]
deep forest cool and calm
winding trail, among the mossy bark
and birdsong, among the dark forest depths.
sunlight moving through the leaves
timeless spaces, between the trees
between the earth and sky
between here and there, you and I.
each space, filled with everything imagined
within the silence,
of the forest
of the birdsong and mossy trees
of each shaft of light revealed
within you and I.
there is only now
this moment as always
spinning, falling through
thoughts upon shelves within
vaults of information
bits, shards, pieces here and there
massive blocks strewn about
like childhood toys of letters,
of words and runon sentences.
infinite or finite
it all appears as a puzzled pile
of a mad collection
and through the chaos, through dark depths
whispers a wind
a force, at times
spinning, falling away
of what does not fit the mosaic of my life
is formed then
and slowly within the eye
there is a calm.
has time really stood still?
does my mind's eye deceive?
where there once was panic on the verge of confusion puncuated by the occcasional delusion
there is now only a stream
flowing along its way
and sometimes sunny, sometimes rain
through the breeze rustled leaves
above the soft cool grass
cool sweet waters.
am I babbeling?
am I here?
and now, if time has stopped
with each day and each night
become one unto themselves
with each moment
as fresh as the next splash of water along the stream
that flows along
here it comes
here it is
there it goes
has time stood still
as I've imagined it?
as I imagine the past or the future
while I'm right here
right now
within you and I.
[severities of angles]
The severity of the words change, depending on the angle of view.
Of course they do, as I expect you would know.
What would be the angle to see this as insincere and trivial then?
Or as obviously demanding, utterly obnoxious and presumptuous.
Even a little coy and coquettish perhaps?
How about the angle of view that perceives the words on these pages as simply the ramblings of ego,
or a visionary maybe, or a ghost of someone thinking he understands something of what someone else mentioned somewhere, reinventing the wheel.
The angle of severity changes depending on the position at the time of perception.
The traffic was bad, work sucks, the spouse doesn't, the kids need tranquilizers, the in-laws are visiting for a month (where's my valiums!).
Life is hell, life is pain and suffering, good and evil, full of selfish, self-centered people bent on armageddon.
Life is a journey, patience is a virtue, we are more than can be imagined, life is bliss and I got heaven on my mind.
There are no accidents, all is as it should be, the truth is out there...or in "here", and in [you] even.
Simple enuf.
All the colors of words, painted from the palets of imaginations, on the canvas of infinite possibilities.
Glimpses of visions, of the past, present and... eternity.
As varied and as colorful a collage displayed as viewed.
(depending on the angles, it seems...)
[bliss...]
i speak the name
like a prayer
it sings as implied
in a word
that describes...
eternity
finite qualities
in a name that suggests
delicious and sublime
caress the edges
of my mind
and through the emerald light
an ocean
of bliss...
and shines
as you smile
and turns my world up-side down
and here you are again
so close
so far away
from bliss...
and dancing
through the shimmering light
i glimpse
wraith-like and surreal
these images
playing in the dream
with bliss...
of the moon and stars
in the palms of my hands
as such gifts
through then and now
for my heart to sing
and fly
in bliss...
and forever is not long enough
as words
fall away like tears.
bliss...
and you are the dreamer
as i
am only the dream.
"Don't sit in judgment of your own lack of awareness
or anyone else's. The action of judging
demonstrates lack of awareness."
- John-Roger
(all writing on site copywrite: 4/12/o2 all rights reserved. any use w/0ut the author's permission is absolutely & completely prohibited, k?)
ramblings of a mAdMaN :>> enter @ y0ur 0wn risk <<
enJoy your moments...
namaste
*<(8-)
