RoadKill Points

(for Dirt Heads and Roadies.)

its juss a bar!

A bit of info: RoadKill Points, for you pansey @ss'd wussie bike geek and non-cycling motor heads, is the collection of road or trail points by a certain faction of the cycling community opon bunny hopping/jumping...dead things. These self-selected factions in and amongst the millions of cyclo-putered, latest dance crazed "is that a smudge on my top tube?!?!?" wimpy cycle nerds, are the elite, the "B.A.S.E." jumpers of our cyclic world, the "Rodmans" of cycledom.
There’s something about it that takes us back (except for those still under age) to when we were once kids on a mission, tooling around town or local trail, full of youthful exuberance and energy, indestructible and more afraid of our peers opinion than of that 10ft. drop-off that you idiotically offhand said you could jump "no problemo" (and that @sshole Joey Shreiber who dared you to do big mouth). You would probably never know it when meeting one of us (except for the occasional missing or casted body part, or faint dead thing odor...) we are your school teachers, your state workers, your lawyers your doctors your garage attendants. We are captains of industry and legends in our own minds, we are rock stars movie stars something stars, we are students in your schools and students of life on spiritual paths, we are men...and yes, women too... but one thing...OnE ThiNg, that separates us from the madding crowd...from run-of-the-mill regular Joe...and yes, Jane riding a bike, when out for a ride on trail or blacktop, we will jump anything (no honey, I don't mean "that bimbo!")...nay, we look for things to bunny hop, jump @ speed, fly like a soaring eagle over and above, catching LaRgE, FaT AiR and cleaning it! And yes, that means ANYTHING.
But jumping over a log, or traffic cone...a piece of Kleenex, just doesn't offer the level of danger and adrenaline pumping opportunity for really getting down and dirty, NoooOOOooo folks it don't.
Now no one knows where or when it began exactly, scholars among us have pondered that question from time to time, but to no avail... like some sorta collective conscious thing it just came to a few of us out on a trail or road ride, and slowly spread as other less "in tune" riders witnessed our unbridled exuberance upon approaching a... DeAd ThiNg ...sprawled along our path, and the mumbled number of points gained after completing the hop. They asked, and their intelligence, openness and spiritual depth was then pondered upon for a moment and if deemed worthy the following information was dolled out sparingly during subsequent rides, here and now I break with tradition, with the "Code of the Inner Cycle" and share with all who serendipitously finds this page, the points offered to those daring courageous few who DaRe bunny hop where no one has hopped B4, for points that is. (may the MyStiCs judge me sane, for what I am about to do...)

its juss a bar!

Base Points (Home Turf)
1. Small Animals or Birds:
(Chipmunk, Swallow, Rat, Mongoose, Sparrow, Field Mouse, Terrier, etc.) 		2.0 points

2. Medium Size Animal or Bird:
(Sheep, Great Dane, German Shepherd, Juvenile Pig, Geese, Large Eagles, Deer, etc.) 		3.0 points

3. Large Animal or Bird:
(Cattle, Moose, Condor, Large Pig, Mastiffs (large var.), Buffalo, etc.) 		5.0 points

From this base point layout add ( .5 point ) for larger versions in each category or ( deduct .5 point ) for smaller versions, a small moose is a small moose for goodnessakes, lets not get into that again in this venue. Also, add ( .5 point ) each for accessibility and difficulty; length jumps add ( .5 point ), and with a low branch or in a busy intersection add another ( .5 point ), as opposed to easily accessible girth jumps with no apparent overt difficulty, no extra points will be added. ( Deduct .5 point ) for "touching", clean jumps count! Of course, if you do happen to "splat" the thing, there will be no points gained with no deduction of previously gained points, as we all agree that landing on it is bad enuf. (P.E.U.)
Also, the use of "ramping" the object du jour using nearby stumps, curbs, branches, smaller creatures has been discussed at length by the R.K.P.A. (RoadKill Points Association) governing body and at this time the use of "ramping" will be allowed for the medium and large species categories due to their size considerations and length jumps, but will basically leave it to the "man/woman in the saddle" and the personal "honor in gathering & reporting points" code for the yearly points tabulations. (see "Code of Conduct" at the end of this report.) It has been suggested and we are in consensus that in areas inhabited by skunks, that these creatures are "off limits" due to the rise in accidents encountered by the unfortunate hopper/splatter and riding companions, the smell of a live skunk by no means compares to a dead one, therefore as of 7/1/98, no points will be given for skunk jumps, lets keep that in mind out there and be safe.

its juss a bar!

"Almost Dead" & Living Subject Points

Sometimes upon approach to the hop object you may encounter a "half live" creature recently run over or hit by a passing vehicle or dying from a wound or illness, as usual it will be left up to the discretion of the individual rider whether or not to garner points off the poor unfortunate beast. In the event that a jump is attempted, add a half point to the above point schedule for difficulty and accessibility factors due to a hoof or limb, a wing being thrown up at the apex of a jump attempt, or the unpredictable squirming movement of a creature in agony. Also, add ( 1 point ) if after the jump the rider attempts to help the fallen animal, we are not after all heartless gearheads only out for fun and points gathering, are we people? I think not!
Also, in the event that the creature is actually alive, as in sleeping or resting along a trail or side of the road and a jump is attempted, add a full ( 1 to 2 points ) (depending on size and difficulty factors) for any completed (cleaned jump) as the possibility of the creature awakening or being frightened by the riders approach and bolting at a most inopportune moment, potentially causing great bodily harm or even worse, severe bike damage, and is not recommended for novice hoppers.
Case in point: A riding companion recently came upon a large sleeping German shepherd along side a trail, he silently increased his approach speed, judged the jump to be makeable and cleaned the jump by girth, immediately collecting 3 points for the size of the animal, another 1 point for the difficulty (as opposed to 2 points for a length jump) and another 1.5 points for the animal being alive which gave him a grand total of: 5.5 points for the jump! But, the dog was awakened during his jump, frightened it chased the rider down, bit his tire and flattened it, then proceeded to maul the rider until help arrived a short time later chasing the animal off... the point being obvious, practice discretion in all potential jumps, and maybe let (large) sleeping dogs lay? Food for thought.

Half Live, Medium to Large Size:
(difficulty, accessibility & assistance factors @ riders discretion) 		.5 to 2 point


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Amphibian/Aquatic Creature Points

One never knows the opportunities for hop subjects on any given ride, due to the overwhelming point consideration questions from the many coastal, river and inland lakes region riders, this point schedule was recently added. Occasionally a large toad or in some areas alligators or crocodiles, walking catfish, have been jumped raising questions of point potential, and there has even been reports of dolphins transported between aquariums jumping out of their transport tanks (oh, and killer whales, think of the points potential there! not to mention post ride coffee shop bragging rights), or the occasional shark fallen off a trailered boat. The points potential would carry the same as any land creature for any given size schedule, small, medium and large, and also the difficulty and accessibility factors would carry over. But due to the unique situation of these occurrences add ( 1 to 3 points ) for "Rarity Points" consideration, depending on species.

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Foreign Country/Native Species Points

If a rider happens to be away from his/her home turf there is an added ( 2 points ) to all point schedules. Jumping a camel in Egypt now there's an opportunity that doesn't come often to a rider in oh, say...Toledo! So if you find yourself out riding a trail or road in some foreign country, points are to be had where ever you are.

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Extraterrestrial Visitors Points

Now here's a point bonus that very few can say they have garnered. Yes, very few and far between can say they have added any points to their tallies by jumping an extraterrestrial creature, be it humanoid or not if its from another planet we will not only jump it we will give it the points schedule it deserves, add a full 25 points for any apparent dead E.T. creature (no rider to date has stopped to check on their condition unfortunately, for some reason), and if by chance it happens, and its been reported to have, add another 15 points for a live one, as they have been reported to be under 3 feet bare footed, for a grand total of 40 points for a live jump! (Its been questioned why this category wasn't added to the following schedule, the board is considering this and a decision is forthcoming).

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Exotic/Endangered/Rarity Points

Here's another schedule where a rider can really rack up the points, as jumping a fallen Orangutan in Borneo or the local zoo can be a veritable cornucopia of points, as the following example shows: A B.O.M.B. (Babe On Mountain Bike) reportedly was riding past her hometown zoo one spring afternoon when a large orangutan escaped its cage while it was being cleaned by a worker, the beast had time to attack and seriously injure a few bystanders which caused it to be shot and killed by the local police who where called, luckily the station was right next door, anyway as the rider heard the shots fired she rode into the zoo grounds and found carnage and the unmistakable opportunity for major pointage. She proceeded to immediately garner a full 3 points for size, another 2 points for difficulty as it was a lengthwise jump and 8 full points for creature rarity and its exotic and endangered status! Add to that another 2 points for being chased by the zoo workers and police officers, AND added another 14 points on her getaway, for jumping a very small child wondering around looking for momma! Major point scorage!) The rarity of the jump subject is certainly a major consideration, human subjects not withstanding. Whether it be large or small, simply follow the standard point schedules for size and difficulty, but add 6 to 12 points for its rarity, exoticism and especially its ranking in endangered status, for all human subjects a standard 6 points will be a baseline. A detailed point schedule for endangered status creatures is forthcoming.

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Fallen Fellow Rider Points

(point schedule unavailable due to controversy over point allowance details) Due to some surprisingly conservative view points concerning this point schedule, no points are allowed at this time for jumping a fellow rider who has gone down. Although it does happen, and will probably continue, in the true spirit of the JuMp! Unfortunately, the R.K.P.A., at this time, will disallow any points for fallen fellow rider jumps. I personally can report having jumped, and been jumped and harbor no animosity to the jumper, and as a jumpee I feel "let the points fall where they may" personally. Example: On a routine road workout on our mountain bikes, my brother-in-law Randy and I found ourselves in a pointed debate following the following incident (albeit "point monger" opportunity). One rainy late afternoon when drafting behind my bike doing a good 21 mph, alongside a rain soaked road busy with after work traffic, his front tire touched my rear one and he unfortunately went down, I thought I flatted for a second until I heard the horrific crash sounds behind me, and as I turned to see cars and trucks swerve to miss his prone body I immediately turned around and sped back to help, but... upon approaching him, as he was in the process of scrambling to his feet and getting out of the roadway, I saw and daresay took my opportunity, and bunny hopped him as he stooped to pickup his bike. A full 25 points! For the rarity of the situation, the danger factor of him still being alive and moving, the oncoming traffic, wet road, and him being a human jump subject after all, well lets just say the point opportunity was to much to pass by. Although it happened over a year ago, he still feels to this day that I shouldn't have taken advantage and copped that much points off it, as he feels my points should actually be way less, No Way, I deserved all the points I got and probably shorted myself due to his related status!
It is somewhat understandable why some riders feel this point schedule should be banned from the competition, but in the pure sense of fun, and the JuMp, wouldn't you do the deed if the opPertUnity presented itself? Lets be honest with ourselves. *<(8-P

its juss a bar!


R.K.P.A. Code of Conduct

  1. Ride for fun, jump for points but lets be careful out there!
  2. Jump anything, anytime with knowledge, clarity and foresight, and enough speed to clean it!
  3. Remember that pinch flats are waiting at the end of every jump. Be prepared!
  4. Be humble, be courteous, be helpful, remember that old lady you help today could be major points tomorrow!
  5. When in doubt, swerve!
  6. Never go to bed angry.
  7. Be Straight Up! Honor In Reporting, a standard to jump by people!


Thhhaaattts All Folks!
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