Dark Thoughts..
a missive to Robbin
Lonliness...
I know about this.
About being trapped inside
of my spinning mind.
Afraid to get out,
afraid to speak out.
I ran back in
because of the pain.
I'm afraid to open the door,
to let anyone in.
Being alone in here really sucks!
Alone with the thousand voices of my mind,
alone with the echos of long ago good times.
Why did you leave me -
Why did I leave you -
What in the fuck am I doing back here!
This is sad...
I'm getting depressed.
Depression...
I know about this.
About the feeling of hopelessness,
the desire to get drunk
to drive away the pain,
which causes the depression
to stay,
and stay,
and stay.
Maybe I'll go to the doctor
and tell him I'm sad,
and with a straight face
he'll tell me I'm mad,
then put a bottle of lithium
in my hand.
Oh God!
There's got to be more to life than this.
Maybe I should just end it...
Yeah,
Just put a barrel in and - BOOM!!
I'll never hear the 'M' in boom
if I'm lucky...
Suicide...
I know about this.
I know it's a fool
who can't see past this minute,
this hour, this day.
You know someone's got to find you,
discover your rotting mass of flesh,
read your sick little note,
clean up the loose ends of your life.
Don't you give a damn
about the impact
that you have
on me?
I care, but you don't?
Well fuck you!
What you don't have
is the self-perceived right
to take your own life.
The false sense of bravery
to play with a gun,
to play with a knife.
You are not God Almighty!
You are a lost soul,
far away from home.
far away from your heart.
A soul that is lonely,
depressed,
suicidal.
Copyright © 1997