I want people to know that my life's never been an easy one... If they don't know a/b anything else, I'd like the to know that it's been a struggle to adapt to the constant changes my life, and life style had undergone... In all honestity, I can't recall over 3 month's without something happening that took my life and stood it on end... It seems like everytime I get my life just a/b situated, something looks back on it and says "No-no-no, that's not it!" and wipes everything away and starts from scratch... And yet again I'm left standing there, powerlessly, going "Hey, that was my life!" And at the begining I would worry myself almost to death trying to put everything back just how it was... But somewhere along the way I got used to the dramatic changes, and eventually I learned to just roll with the punches and learn to expect nothing, and accept everything. Some things were a lot easier to accept than others... There were certain deaths that took me selveral years to come to grasps with... And then there are thoes that I still haven't learned to totally accept... My first run-in with death was when my first dog, Tippy, had to be put to sleep... One day my mother left my sister to watch me while she took our beloved dog to the vet... He'd been acting strange lately, and we were concerned... When she came home, I heard the car drive up and cut off, so I ran to the door and opened it, expecting to see my mother and my dog... And there was my Mom... tanding there looking more frightened and worried than I'd ever seen her b-4... I looked up at her and was like "Momma... Where's Tippy..?" and she just shook her head and tears started rolling down her cheeks... My heart had to have skipped almost 5 beats when I realized what had happened... I just turned around and ran to my room and shut and locked the door... Tippy had a shattered knee, and the Vet said that it was the most humane thing to do... That there was no gaurintee that he'd heal, and even if he did, because he was a collie, there was a slim chance that he'd start eating or drinking, yet alone ever play and jump again... That after so long aurthritis would set in and cause him a great amount of pain... And sooner or later we'd have to end up putting him to sleep anyways... That we could keep him around, but his life would be filled with pain... And my mother saw no reason to make him suffer just so we could be happy... So she put him to sleep... Tippy's death shook up my entire world... And just when things were begining to get settled down, we got the call a/b my Daddy's Father... The only Grandfather I ever knew... And I thought Tippy's death was hard to cope thru... I learned a new defination of 'pain' the day of his funieral... I tried to be strong... And even though I didn't do a very good job of it, I learned an important lesson a/b life... I learned that it coudl seem like it's standing still... But no matter waht ti seems like... It's constantly in motion... And that if I let it freeze up, and never try to unfreeze it, it'd stay that way forever and I'd miss out on living... I was young when my Grandfather passed away... But with help from my family and friends, I was able to learn alot from his death... Since then, I've lost both my Daddy's Mother, and my Momma's Mother... Due to past events, I never knew my Mother's Mom... Not until she was in ICU at the hospital at least... And as hard as it was for me to let my Grandfather go... It was harder to let my Grandmother Peral go... Simply because I never got to know her... I didn't know her favorite color... I never heard her laugh... I never heard her normal voice... Only the hourse words she'd make while the oxygen pipe was down her throat... I did see her cry though... The only things I knew a/b her, besides the way she died, were that she loved us... that she didn't want to go... And that she liked shrimp... Immagine my surprise with it was harder to let this woman I hardley knew go than it was my Grandfather who I'd known since birth... I learned a lot from Grandmother Peral's death... I learned that there is such thing as instant love... That people can be forgiven... And that the memories of the person who's passed on are far more important than any physical object...
Since, I've lost two more dogs, and a lot of people in my life... And I loved each one dearly... And with every death I either learned a new life lesson, or a priorly learned one got reitterated into my brain.... And with every death my eyes were opened a bit wider as to everything this world holds, and how much love there is out there...
