Burp.htm

Burp

By Tony DeSimone

Renee was about to take a refreshing sip of her favorite

soda. The day had been a very good day, and she was

about to top it all off with an ice cold glass of sprite; but as

she was about to indulge in this innocent activity, her brother,

Franklin, barged into the room and yelled, "Don't you dare!"

"Don't dare what?," she asked.

"Don't you dare drink any of that soda," he answered,

"you know what happens when you drink soda."

"Um...no, I don't."

"You make a noise," he exclaimed, "you emit one of the

most vile, most disgusting, most repulsive noises ever imagined

in the history of mankind!"

"Uh...what?"

"YOU BURP!!"

"I burp?"

"YES," he yelled, "you burp. All you need is one single

can and you'll burp for hours; and I'm plain sick of it!"

"You're crazy," she said as she lifted the glass to her mouth.

Franklin screamed as she drank down the sweet carbonation.

When she finished, her brother put his hand on her

shoulder and told her, "Of course you realize, this means war."

* * * * *

The next day she decided to have some more sprite, but

as she was about to take her first sip, she was interrupted

once again. This time by a deafening explosion that destroyed half

of the kitchen.

"What the hell are you doing?" she yelled.

"I told you this meant war," said Franklin as he set down

his special Norko brand soda can bazooka.

"Alright then," said Renee, "if it's a war you want, then

it's a war you'll get," and with that, she let out a resounding

belch which knocked her brother through their living room and into

their neighbor's house.

* * * * *

The next day she decided to have some more sprite.

Nothing her brother could do would keep her from her

favorite soft drink.

As she took a sip, she heard a low rumble. As the

rumble came closer, Renee slowly backed out of the kitchen

(or at least what was left of it) for fear of what may be coming

toward her home.

When she had completely backed out of the kitchen, a

large green tank came crawling into the kitchen, destroying

all that was still left of it.

The barrel of the tank moved down until it was pointing

directly at her. As soon as the tank stopped moving the top

slowly opened, and Franklin's head popped out of the top.

"Put....the beverage....down!" he ordered, pausing dramatically

between words, "or I shall be forced to blow you into dozens of

miniscule little bits!"

"Don't make me laugh," she said, and with that she

then proceede to emit a rupture of gas which shook the

ground and caused the tank to fall apart into dozens of

miniscule little bits.

* * * * *

The next day she grabbed yet another can of sprite as soon as she got home, this whole

ordeal had simply left her annoyed.

But before she had even lifted the can to her mouth, it was shot out of her hand and

siezed by a martian soldier. She could tell that he was a martian soldier because he didn't look

anything like a venusian soldier.

Behind the soldier stood thousands of other soldiers, as well as hundreds of martian tanks,

ariplanes, and insurance salesman.

Her brother suddenly stood at the head of the army. "Don't even think about grabbing

that can," he warned, "as you can see, I have gathered an entire army which doesn't look anything

like a venusian army, so therefore must be a martian one."

"So," he continued, "if you value your life, then you will never touch another carbonated

beverage for the rest of your life."

As he said this, the soldiers cocked their guns, the tanks aimed their barrels, the airplanes

loaded their missiles, and the insurance salesman opened their briefcases.

"So," Franklin started, confidently, "what do you have to say about that?"

Renee thought for a minute, and then replied, "Well, I guess I'll just have to drink iced

tea."

"Oh," said Franklin, "okay...wanna go out for pizza then?"

"Sure," she said.

And they went out for pizza

This has been another pebble in the bottom of your difficult to remove boot brought to you by Tony DeSimone