Castello, Spain - April 14, 2004

This program hasn´t started yet.. but I´m just sitting around thinking of all the debt I´m gonna accumulate and how in the hell I´m gonna have to spend the following year paying it off.. its real despressing!! Keep thinking maybe I should get out of the program after this semester and start trying to work and save money instead. Hmm.. not sure. The other option is just to stick with it and work hard at it. At least I´d have a grad degree even if I´m not entirely certain I´ll be able to put it to good use. I can do all the classwork in 8 months.. then just the thesis.. but will be in debt about $14,000 at the end of it I figure. Frustrating as most of the other students not from a ´developed´ country like the U.S. (which is most other students) get scholarships to study for free.

Anyhow.. Spain is doing alright. I´m not nearly into as much as I would have thought. I´ve already put the money into it and such.. so I´m here for this semester.. and the classes will be interesting.. but in the back of my mind.. I wish I were just free to go wherever I want to go and do whatever I want to do. Ah well.. maybe just the jitters of doing something new. Lets hope so. I had several doubts while back in Korea as well. But at 33 going on 34.. I have to be doing something besides just basic kinds of work all of the time. Not sure if this program will connect me to something else or not. No idea at this point. But not sure what other options I have. I´ve looked into just about every other kind of career move you could possibly make in the States and nothing appeals to me. This is about as close as it gets to something that interests me. This program has a lot to do with international countries, conflicts, relationships, culture, and everything else. Hmm... I´ll continue on with it though. Just have to work real hard once I´m finished to get rid of the debt. Just overwhelming to think about at the present moment when I´m just at the beginning of this self-project.

My other mind is to find a location in the world of my choosing and just try to setup import/export, teaching English, and just working in general. Maybe that´ll have to wait. I couldn´t actually finance that very well either at the present time. Ah well.. this is all just life. Send an email with any encouragement, discouragement, or whatever else to give me stuff to think about.

Next Journal Entry in Spain:
April 16, 2004

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Wintermoon2@yahoo.com

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