Girlfriend Application

Last name Brownell	First Katherine	MI A.	SS#
Address 140 Ingersoll Hall
City Ft. Collins	State CO	Phone # 970.227.2843	E-mail princessaliza@earthlink.net
Date of birth 7-1-86	Hair color light brown	Eye color hazel	Height 5’5”	Weight 134

Open questions

Monty Python’s Flying Circus, Futurama,
Old Saturday Night Live, Highlander, Smurfs

List the top five TV shows of all time

The Adventures of the Baron Munchausen, Reservoir Dogs, Clash of the Titans, Witchcraft through the Ages, Nosferatu

List the top five movies of all time

Nine Inch Nails (Downward Spiral, although Pretty Hate Machine is close)
Seal (Seal IV)
The Darkness (Permission to Land, although the vocals are a bit much at times.)
The Who (Sell Out)
Elvis (The new compilation, can’t remember the name of it to save my life)

List the top five artists/bands of all time, and in parentheses the best album of each artist/band.

Of course, there would be something wrong with me making out with another girl. Unless we were in some odd polyamourous relationship where it was acceptable for you to make out with another girl too. A relationship implies some sort of commitment and the people that use their sexuality as an excuse to get out of said commitment are just assholes. Period, end of story, that shit is not acceptable in a relationship.

The scenario: you are bisexual and going out with me. Do you see anything wrong with you making out with another girl while we are going out? Why or why not? Would you do it even if you saw something wrong with it?

Poor person is just going to have to download the Paris Hilton video clip. For the time being, you have priority on my body, and until you say to me, “Aliza, I want you to take n00ds and sell them to this schmuck online”, I’m not going to do something so potentially insulting to you. On the other hand, if I was starving, and had no other means of feeding myself, I might. But you have to take the pics.

The scenario: you are going out with me and someone offers to buy five nude photos of you for $150.00 on-line. You have never met this person before. Do you do it? If you do it, do you tell me about it? Why or why not?

Lim = 2
xà3

A girl that wants to go out with me has to have a certain level of intelligence. Compute the following. Use back of sheet if necessary.

I am super close with my parents, however my father and I have been at each others’ throats for years. This stopped when he presented me with the requisite “deviated septum repair” for graduation. In some ways I resent them because it seemed like we were the only non-rich Jews on the planet growing up, but intellectually at least, I realize that they have always done their best to provide me with as much as possible.

Describe your relationship with your parents in a few sentences.

Albuterol Inhaler for allergies, Vicodin for knees on a rare occasion

List every single medication you are taking.

In theory I’m more of a loner. Other people are nice, but maintaining regular relationships with a large group of people, and putting up with all of the stupidity that is associated with pack behavior tires me. I would rather hang out with you alone.

Do you have a lot of friends or are you more of a loner? Would you rather hang out with me as part of a group or spend a lot of time alone?

I am a vegetarian, but you are more than welcome to eat whatever the hell you want, as long as it is kosher. I won’t even nag you at meals. J

What are your feelings on vegetarians? Are you vegetarian, is that going to basically make me a vegetarian, too?

Yes/no questions

QUESTION	YES	NO
1. Do you smoke?		X
2. Do you drink?	X
3. Do you have your own transportation?	X
4. Are you willing to relocate?	X
5. Are you Jewish?	X
6. Do you believe that kissing, making out or having sex with other people besides your boyfriend is acceptable under any circumstance?		X
7. Were you sexually or physically abused as a child?		X
8. Were you raped?		X
9. Are you taking any prescription medication for mental problems?		X
10. Have you ever considered suicide?	X
11. Have you ever attempted suicide?		X
12. Do you cry often (often = any time that doesn’t involve the death of someone you knew)	X
13. Did you lose your virginity before the age of fifteen?		X
14. If you are under 18, have you ever seriously dated or had sex with someone four years older than you? If under 25, someone ten years older than you?		X
15. Do you cut yourself, or practice any other form of self-mutilation?		X
16. Do you have promiscuous sex?		X
17. Are you Down with the Clown till you’re dead in the ground?	X
18. Do you have AIDS or any other inconvenient disease I might contract from you?		X
19. Do you have cancer?		X
20. Are you on The Pill?	X
21. Are you bisexual?		X
22. Have you been diagnosed with any sort of mental disorder?	X
23. Does your mother or father have any diagnosed mental disorders?		X
24. Are you a virgin?	X
25. Do you have a cell phone?	X
26. Did you graduate high school?	X
27. Did you graduate college?		X
28. Are you planning on graduating college in the next four years?	X
29.	X

References

List your last three ex-boyfriends, starting with the most recent.

NAME	PHONE NUMBER	LENGTH OF RELATIONSHIP



May I contact your ex-boyfriends to hear all the bad stuff about you?

Text Box: I refuse to give you any information regarding ex-boyfriends. For all intensive purposes, I have purged the last three from my memory banks. That and, God knows, they probably have worse lies to tell about me, than I have been telling about them.

Girlfriend Application

Open questions

Yes/no questions

References

NAME