To Letting Go

Often, we get to that point when we need to say goodbye. It seems pointless to state that this is hardly easy. I've said goodbye to many people in my life, which hasn't even been that long. My grandparents left before I could say goodbye. My friends moved, and I grew up. I really hate the word goodbye. It just seems more than final, it's a desparate plea from one person to another. It screams, stop me, I don't really want to leave, but my heart feels as if it has no choice.

I had to say goodbye to something today that I never thought I would have had to. I had to say goodbye to a dream. In this dream I was important from the day I was born, chosen, destined for greatness. That part of the dream slowly fell away from the constant rubbing of reality. This dream was too dangerous for my heart to be left alive. Some day it would have been apparent that I was not destined for anything but that which I made myself. I accepted this death peacefully, but with some tears, it was a good friend to me through my hard time. There were other parts to that dream, one of which were amazing friends. These friends would always be there for me, support me, listen when I needed it. I would of course do the same. I know now that this dream is possible, to have friends like this. They don't always stay though, but I think the relationship lives on forever. The third part of the dream is the dream that died today. In this dream I am loved by another. He was chosen for me since our birth, we were destined. He died today, a small ceremony really. No one else really noticed his passing but for the sudden lack of light in my eyes. Perhaps dying is too strong a word for a fictional character. He faded from my dreams, from my life. Today I realized that he was never there. He never knew my secrets, or how to make me laugh like I thought. He isn't sitting up somewhere thinking about the girl he never met because he isn't real. So this page is me saying goodbye to dreams far better left in the dark, to a future I promised myself every night as I cried. Sometimes the dream because larger than reality and we must choose where we shall live. I'd like to think I made the right choice. -SRD 4/11/00

Return From Whence You Came

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