A Mango Named Mongo

Once there was this green tic-tac named Sam. And he had two friends. Dave, the orange tic-tac, and Tracy the purple tic-tac. They were all friends. Lalala. Except one day there was this big storm and it rained. When it was raining, Sam was out for a walk with the pigeons. He got wet, and melted. But not all the way. Now he is a white tic-tac. He tastes real bad. Except his girlfriend, the mango liked white better. For some unknown reason, she liked Sam, although I don't know why because he was very annoying. Anyway, she was like, this alien Mango named Mongo. But she wasn't really a mango named Mongo, she was really some guy named Biff. Anyway, getting back to the point (what point?). One day Dave and Tracy went to a mall. They had fun. They went home. Wow. They got crushed on way home by a run-away bulldozer. They were now pancake tic-tacs. It didn't rain. Then the sun didn't come up and it wasn't sunny outside. Anyway, they were like lovers and were jealous of the mango named mongo who was really biff. They wanted to be gayer like him/her because she/he was really a transvestite whore. Now, Sam the white melted gooey tic-tac was jealous because they were all gay, but he wasn't. So he committed tic-tac suicide. He wanted to jump off a big matchbox and trip on a log and split his head open. But it didn't work. So he bought a new coat instead. It was a green coat. Now he is a green tic-tac again. Isn't that so cool? Then a lame bat flew across the stage (what stage) and she splattered on Mongo, who was really a mango named biff who was really a space alien. Mongo the mango was squished, but Sam the green tic-tac saved her using lung-to-lung resuscitation and she lived. But not really because she swallowed Sam's gum and choked to death. Then Sam got depressed and drowned himself in his sorrows. He melted...all the way. Then there was just Tracy and Dave. They got jealous of Elvis and moved to mars and lived happily ever after.