Once there were three maidens called the Three Musketeers. They were altogether famous in the region of Ireland they inhabited, for seldom had anyone met anyone of quite so much gallantry and valor. These Three maidens had quite un-extraordinary names (except for one), but led quite extraordinary lives. They were Amy, Tammy and Meia. Children wrote songs about them, men dreamed dreams of them, women imitated their fashions. However their extraordinary lives soon and unexpectedly took an even more extraordinary turn.

One fine day, Tammy was out cavorting in the woods with her cats in mid-afternoon when all of a sudden she came upon a fine looking young lad, appearing quite frazzled.

"Oh, please excuse me, lass, I need to find the nearest village. Can you give me directions?"

"Most certainly I can. Is anything the matter?"

"Something's dreadfully wrong! Both my brothers have disappeared! We were having a bathe in the beautiful sea, and I turned my back on them for but a moment, and they were gone! I have found hide nor hair of them. We must get help!

"You've chanced upon the right person. This sounds like a job for the Three Musketeers!"

"You know where they are?"

"Yes! Follow me.

With that, Tammy broke into a gliding run to the edge of the woods and across the open plane to her village, the young man close at her heels. Soon they came upon the cottage which she shared with Amy and Meia. Seizing her musketeer whistle, she blew as hard as she could. The man appeared puzzled.

"Is that thing broken? I couldn’t hear a thing!"

"Of course you couldn't. It is too high pitched for normal humans or animals to hear. Only the Musketeers can hear this sound."

"Ah."

Within seconds, the other two lovely women appeared at the doorstep. Quite bedazzled by the beauty surrounding him, it took almost one minute before the young man could recover his wits and speak.

"Where are the Musketeers?"

Insulted, Meia at once bellowed, "We are the Musketeers!!"

Amy was a little more tolerant of his ignorance.    "What is your name?" she asked kindly.

'It's Dorian. My brothers are Avery and Cosmo. They've disappeared and I need your help!"

"Have no fear," Amy declared. If the Three Musketeers can’t do it, no one can!"

With a whoop, the three valiant women charged off to their respective bedrooms and changed clothes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Presently the four figures could be seen galloping gracefully across the horizon.   Tammy courageously calmed the fears and panic of the beautiful man by singing him songs of her childhood, leaving him feeling exquisitely calm and tranquil, commenting appreciatively on her gentle, balmy voice. Laughing, Tammy sighed, "Later, remind me to show you how to dance the Scottish gig. It does wonders for constipation." Dorian nodded thoughtfully, gazing toward the rolling sea that came closer with every step of their horses.

"Observe!" Amy screamed. "I spy a pirate ship! Oh, how can this be?!"

"What, what?" Meia craned her neck to view the foreboding shadow that loomed over the fierce ocean waves.

"I do believe that you will have to consider the possibility that your brothers were kidnapped by pirates." Tammy gazed at Dorian ruefully.

Reaching up and running the fingers of both hands through his dark, wavy hair, he took in as much air as he could into his tortured lungs. "This is impossible. There is no way in Ireland we can save them from a ship full of pirates!"

"Ah, but you are forgetting who you're dealing with. Nothing is impossible for the Three Musketeers!" Amy proclaimed.

With a whoop, the Three Musketeers, quicker than lightening, changed their hats.

Dorian shook his head in wonder. "I am constantly amazed at your ability to accessorize," he sighed enviously.

"Fear not," Meia smiled patronizingly. "If you spend much more time with us, your flair for fashion will without fail flourish." Dorian was obviously relieved.

Forthwith, something swooped down on them from above in a flutter of black fabric. Before them stood what would obviously be called a pirate; a man in black and white with a red sash, black cape, and a very sinister-looking sword. With his black, pony-tailed hair flooping in the cool ocean breeze, he smiled wickedly at the four aghast faces.

Recovering her wits, Meia shook her head in awe. "That is a marvelous cape, sir.   Of what is it made? And what an exquisite shade of black!"

Distracted, the man looked down and lifted a corner of the marvelously thick and fluid material, laughing delightedly. "Why, thank you! I don't recall where it was obtained; perhaps it was ripped off the body of some dead captain somewhere...."

"En garde!"

The five figures whirled around in shock, full into the face of a Christian madman wielding a wooden spoon.

"En garde, I say! Of what good is it to stand around engaged in paltry conversation?! Are you en garde now?"

"We have no quarrel with you, good man," Tammy soothed. "In fact, we were about to engage in a battle at once, when you charged in upon us."

"Jabberwocky!"

"No, really! I was about to inquire of him what he has done with my two brothers who so ambiguously disappeared around this same site!" Dorian confirmed.

"Wellll - all right then. Carry on, carry on. I'll be gone, then. Do go on." With that, the Christian madman disappeared into the bushes.

"Well, sir. As I was saying." After shaking off his perturbation at the antics of their odd visitor, Dorian endeavored to be formidable. "What have you done with my two brothers who so ambiguously disappeared around this same site?!"

An ominous laugh could be heard welling up from deep within the offender's throat. "How dare you question me without even engaging in the politeness of diplomatic conversation! I can tell from my observation of these three indescribably pulchritudinous women that they know exactly how to engage in the politeness of diplomatic conversation." He turned his attention to Meia. "Please. Do go on about my cape."

Meia opened her mouth and was about to go on and on when Amy sensed the danger in this, and interrupted before she even made a squirk.

"What is your name, sir?"

"Why, it's First Mate Elam Stone. My!" He gazed appreciatively at Amy's golden-clear complexion, with which her icy blue eyes made a startling contrast. "And your name?"

"Amy. Amy Kunz of the Three Musketeers!!"

With a whoop, the three women grabbed their compacts and donned lipstick.

Eyes widening in awe, Elam sighed, "Your coordination stupefies me! However do you do it?" Quickly shaking himself from his stupefaction, Elam immediately drew his sword and pointed it at the Three Musketeers (and the man). "As much as I regret this, I am going to have to take you all as prisoners onto the ship. I  can't just let the Three Musketeers go roaming freely in this area, what with all the illegal activity we are carrying on. Oh, dear. And if it wasn't so inconvenient at this junction, I would court you, Amy."

"You would not! Beautiful as you are, my life is man-free on purpose!"

The man cocked his eyebrow at her as he approached her with a bit of twine.  "Ahh, we shall see about that."

Presently, the four hapless prisoners were entangled in twine and rope, gazing dejectedly at the mainland which was swiftly disappearing in the horizon over the deck of the greatly feared pirate ship, Ever Faithful. First Mate Elam Stone stood nearby, supervising their treatment and outwardly gloating at their predicament. Finally he began laughing aloud. "Just wait until you meet the captain! Oh, he'll be so pleased with me. I've captured the Three Musketeers!"

"Whoop!" Although the three women were able to vocalize their pride in what they were, unfortunately, they were unable to perform some great feat of fashion flair for the betterment of the world as we know it.

"Where is the captain now?" Tammy asked.

"He is in his cabin, engaged in some portentous activity with his first in command. I dare not disturb him with any news, no matter how great the concern. I am liable to get my head lopped off. Dear God, how I love him. Just as a brother loves his brother do I love that man."

"That's nice! I think that's great when men aren't timid about expressing their feelings. And it's not very often when one encounters friendship that strong, that solid, that..."

"Shut up!" Amy hissed over her shoulder to Meia, who did as she was told.

A thin man in a sailor suit charged up the stairs from below, shouting to Elam frantically.

"What is it, Adrian?"

"The captain, sir! Um..and the first - you know - first in, um, command!"

"Yes?"

"They're out of their meeting sir! You can go see them now if you want to!"

"That's a good sailor, boy. Run along now and jump over the deck. Thank you."

He watched as Adrian, smiling, ran off to perform his duty. Turning to the secured captives, he began rubbing his powerful hands together in excitement. "Just the girls. Come with me. Mister! Take young Dorian down to the brig or I'll have your nose! Thanks!" With that, Elam Stone drew his sinister-looking sword and guided the Three Musketeers down to their doom deep in the bowels of the dismal, dark ship. Amy gazed about appreciatively at the decor.

At the end of the bedarkened hallway could be seen a door, a scary door. The three courageous women found themselves ever so insignificantly unsettled, yet still, they laughed: "HA!" ...in the face of fear. The door was swung slowly open.

Before them stood a tall, thin man in black leather and shiny silver buttons and a flowing black cape. His hair was finely styled and cold, pale blond; with white skin and ice blue-grey eyes. He gazed glacially down at the visitors.

"Guten tag," he spoke softly. "Meine name ist Keyes Deitz." After freeing their hands from the binding ropes, he extended a long, fluid arm in the direction of a desk. "Dread Pirate Stark."

Dread Stark stood slowly, swinging his heavy cape out of his way, knocking all assortment of clamorous matter from his desk onto the shiny, hardwood floor. Impatiently kicking them out of his way with his heavy, black leather boots as Keyes frantically cleaned up behind him, he approached the Musketeers, glaring at them menacingly. His dark, thick hair was drawn back into a ponytail, with a few straying strands framing his dark and stonily sculptured face. His eyes were black as the moonless night, gleaming only with the illustrious stars.

"So." His voice proved to be deeply rich and resonant. "You are the Three Musketeers."

With a whoop, they whipped out their brushes and slid them through their hair.

"Yes, we are," Amy answered, lifting her head in pride. The others followed suit.

Although Keyes could be seen behind the captain with his mouth hanging open in wonderment, Dread Stark seemed unimpressed.

"Your random, paltry stints of beautitude do not sway me. As you can see, my beauty is obvious, and I need no outward aides to enhance my mien."

Amy lifted her finger. "I disagree. Even in you I can spot many physical imperfections. For example, the way your hair floops..."

"Quiet! I have had quite enough of you. Just knowing I have you in the brig is enough to bring me great joy and contentment. Along with the three Princes of the Isle of Iceberg. HA! What a great leader I am! Mr. Deitz, haul these three off to the brig. I am going upstairs to harass some star-crossed, innocent bystander."

"Was?"

"You heard me."

Obedient despite his inability to understand English, Keyes did as he was told.

Soon the Three Musketeers found themselves sharing a cool, musty cell with Dorian and two other handsome young men, who were introduced as his brothers.

"How are we to find a way to get out of here?" Cosmo whined.

"Never fear," reassured Meia. "There are none better to be stuck in a cell with than the Three Musketeers!" With a whoop, the females quickly buffed their fingernails.

"I'm so relieved," Avery sighed. "Just watching you blow away your fingernail dust inspires me with hope and good spirits. I know we're in good hands."

"That's right. And let me give you a little advice on how you coordinated your vest with your socks. You see...." Before Amy could even finish her postulation, they were all six collectively thrown against the wall and to the floor.

"What's amiss?" Tammy gasped, eyes wide in shock (but never fear). It sounded as if the whole ship would break apart directly under their feet. And that it did! Swirls of seawater quickly rushed in around them, along with splintered bits of driftwood and other strange, floating articles.

"We are bound to drown!" Cosmo's voice cracked in terror as he seized Meia's arm in hopes of encouragement. She patted his shoulder understandingly.

"Do not chafe. The vast and powerful sea is no match for the Three Musketeers!"

"Are you sure?"

Their mouths were fill of the rising waters before they could whoop; hence, the three men were left feeling entirely doomed. The Musketeers endeavored to hang onto the men in order to save them, but they were greatly hysterical and had to be rendered unconscious in order to drag them through the tattered floor and up to the turbulent surface.

"I detect land!" Tammy shouted over the resounding waves. "Right here!" After standing up, she dragged Dorian onto the dry, golden beach and rested him in the sand. The other two did the same.

"Dang it, he's not breathing," Meia groaned.

"Neither is this one," Amy mentioned.

"How many people does that make that we've accidentally killed? I do believe that there are downfalls to our extraordinary strength."

"All is not lost!" Meia raised her fist in the air. "Remember, I am certified!"

"For what?"

"CPR! Make way!" Meia made short work of the three men, who were soon sitting up on their own, breathing normally. Tammy leaned over and whispered to Amy.

"I am more than happy that she got them all breathing again, but I do wish she wouldn't enjoy her work so much." Amy nodded understandingly, but inwardly wished she could have done the same.

The six finally began to take in their surroundings. They were on a very small, rocky island, and nearby was the thoroughly wrecked pirate ship, which had been halfway sailed up onto the land and through the rocks, which most likely accounted for the hole in the bottom of the ship. No other humans could be seen, however, their footprints smattered the ground all around them.

"We shall make the most of this most deplorable situation!" announced Amy. After the agreement of all involved, and a little primping on the part of the Three Musketeers, the six decided to prospect the island in search of the other pirates and so forth.

After about fifteen minutes of laborious climbs over giant, jagged rocks and dodges through low-hanging branches of pine trees, they reached the summit of the highest rock and observed the goings-on around them.

"Hey - I do believe..."

"Could this be true?" The three young men collectively began stuttering uncontrollably until finally Avery stammered out:

"This is our island! This is the Isle of Iceberg!"

"Truly," Cosmo agreed. "But why have we been brought here? Obviously this is too much of a coincidence that these very rocks of ours are the ones onto which the ship was dragged."

"Precisely." The voice came from above; a man standing on a large rock. "And if I hadn't allowed Grace to navigate, we would have been able to avoid sailing right into..."

"Dread Stark! Aroint thee!" Tammy gasped, dark eyes round in annoyance.

"Nevermore. You six are my prisoners, and you must behave as such!"

"Not a chance! Princes of the Isle of Iceberg, stand thee back! We are going to show off our battle skills now!" In a flash that wasn't even seen (because of its speed), Tammy drew her trusty lasso from her left boot and whirled it around in the air.

"No! NO! Not the Musketeer Lasso!" With a scream, Dread Stark found himself securely bound head to toe and smarting with rope burns. "Ouch," he protested.

Amy whipped a scarf from her boot and stared at it in deep thought. "This is my good scarf. Meia, do you have an extra scarf for this man's mouth? See, this is that multicolored one I lifted in India, with all the little gold speckles on it. I really would hate for saliva to get on it. Maybe if you had just a plain white one, or even black - thanks. I appreciate it."

Unable to stop after just one handkerchief, Meia delightedly found about eight or nine more to shove forcibly into his mouth.

"Why do you think Dread Stark was headed for this island?" Amy turned and began questioning the princes. They stared at each other in consternation.

"We simply cannot imagine!"

"Let us find and conquer the other pirates and get them all together and - and - torture them!!"

"No, no, Meia! That's interrogate them. Got it?" Tammy put her fists on her hips and squinted her eyes at her comrade austerely.

"Well, yes, but - then we can torture them. Right?"

"I said no! There will be no torturing by means of the Three Musketeers as long as I am a Musketeer. Is that clear?"

Meia's whoop was distinct, but infinitesimally dispirited.

"Now we have you!" The Musketeers found themselves surrounded by pirates.   Keyes, the first in command, slowly circled them, speaking in German. From the evil glint in his eye, however, the six got the feeling that what he had in store for them wouldn't exactly be pleasant. (Except maybe for Meia.)

"Wait a minute - why aren't you untying Dread Stark?" Amy asked.

"Was?"

"Silly question!" Elam laughed. "Why do you think? So the treasure and the Three Musketeers will be all ours!"

"Whoop!" The Three Musketeers whipped dresses and irons and ironing boards from their boots and immediately commenced ironing.

"Stop! Stop the madness! Stop it right now!" Elam screamed in horror. After several heavy sighs, the Musketeers did as they were told; sliding their contraptions back into their boots.

"Princes of the Isle of Iceberg, can you tell me where the treasure is?" He made a valiant effort to appear ferocious.

"Treasure?! Who said anything of treasure??" Amy shrieked. "I thought you boys said you had no idea why Dread Stark was headed for this island!"

The princes stared at Amy uncomprehendingly. Finally, Avery made the connection. "Do you think... they want the treasure? But - that's ours!"

"That's not fair!" Cosmo whined.

Elam, unsympathetic, drew his sinister-looking sword and prodded the prisoners onward to the rocky cliffs where there would be caves. For this short trek across the island, their hands were securely bound behind their backs, so they were unable to save the day for their dejected male comrades. Feeling regret that the three men seemed so despondent, they essayed to lift their spirits by taking turns whooping, which sounded most impressive as it echoed throughout the trees in exquisite harmony. The men finally began to glance at each other and grin, remarking on their supreme fortune to be fellow slaves with such divine members of the female gender.

"Shyeah, and they're total babes too," added Cosmo.

"Come to think of it, I do not believe that there are any other babes in Ireland! In all our travels about Ireland and beyond, I have never seen another babe. Have you, Dorian?"

"No; can't say that I have, come to think of it, Avery!"

Too much in awe to speak further, the three men continued walking in silence with their mouths hanging open in wonderment as to how they became so fortuitous to be in a predicament such as theirs.

"Enough whooping. We are near the caves. I want you Musketeers and you princes to get in there and find the treasure, then bring it out to me."

"We will not, you pus-pocketed, pallid faced, fettuccini brain!" Meia retorted.

"We will too, you dork," Amy sighed. "Come along."

"I am NOT pallid faced. I happen to have a very good tan." Elam's attempt to defend himself was less than adequate.

The six troopers cautiously approached the entrance to the frightening cave. The yawning mouth was as black as an abyss, damp and smelly.

"Be prepared for anything," Tammy offered to the rest, drawing a small dagger from her boot. Her soft little voice echoed noisily around them, startling them all, and almost knocking poor Dorian off his feet.    Presently the inky blackness of the cave enveloped them, and Amy was forced to dig a torch out of her boot to light their way. The damp and slimy passageway twisted and meandered downward in an ever descending direction, and the old, musty air set them all to heavy breathing and choking coughs. Excepting the constant dripping sounds, they were engulfed in silence. Henceforth, they were all alarmed and nearly wet their pants when, of a sudden, they were confronted by an armored chicken.

"Who goes!" it clucked sternly.

"We are none other than the Three Musketeers!" Tammy clamored. With a whoop, the three maidens, armed with cotton balls, exfoliated their tender facial skin. The chicken nodded at them appraisingly.

"Impressive. I am Lynda the Warrior Chicken. And who are you boys?"

"- We're just - uh - the three Princes of the Isle of Iceberg," Dorian muttered.

"Cool. I have been hired by the King of Iceberg to guard that treasure with my life." The chicken pointed a feather in the direction of a cave behind her, in which sat boxes of glistening golden treasures along with rainbows of jewels and rare gems.   "Confronted by such a noble entourage, I must say that I vex at the prospect of doing battle with you six.

"Oh, well, really, those guys don't have any battle skills. You won't have to worry about them. However -" Meia's voice trailed off meaningfully.

"Yes, I understand Really, I know I am no match for the Three Musketeers. The word does get around about you women, even down in this cave all by myself. But I have led a full and meaningful life. Be merciful with me."

"Oh stop it! We won't kill you! We won't, we won't, we won't! You're the best chicken I've ever known. Much more interesting then any chicken we've met. And, let me tell you, we do meet a lot of chickens in our line of work," Amy affirmed.

"Well that's most kind. But aren't you down here to steal the treasure?"

"No! It definitely belongs to the Princes of the Isle of Iceberg."

"But the King said to guard it with my life until he comes back to fetch it!"

"Wait a minute! Who in the world is the King of the Isle of Iceberg! We don't have a father!" Avery gasped.

"Yes, you do. And he especially wanted me to guard the treasure from you three.  He said you were all spoiled brats and would squander every last Spanish coin."

"Na-uhh!" Cosmo protested.

"Who is our father then!" Avery put his hands on his hips and towered menacingly over the chicken.

"King George."

"Well, she is right about that," Dorian mentioned.

"Of course. Lynda the Warrior Chicken knows all. And my sense of smell is keen."

"No! My eyes must be deceiving me!" Tammy did a double-take. "Here comes the Christian madman!"

Lynda the warrior chicken's fierce eyes pierced through those of the madman as he came galloping into the cave with his clopping coconut shells. "Well, then. Are you a Christian?"

The man began laughing dementedly. "I reply like a madman! I am more outstandingly one! Ha hah! Everyone stand back! I have a wooden spoon." The three princes huddled together in a cowardly fashion.

As he held the seven living entities at bay with his spoon, Meia very bravely took a step forward. "Listen to me, Mr. Madman. I understand that you want to keep us all away from you with your wooden spoon, but your hair is a matted mess. If you would permit us, we could just give you a brief wash and a trim. And maybe a new wardrobe..."

"No! I have heard of this work you do! You clean people up and make them look great and just send them on their way! I won't have it!"

"Please, Mr. Madman!" Tammy begged and pouted until finally he gave in and relinquished his soul to the eager hands of the Three Musketeers.

Lynda the warrior chicken directed them to a pond where they doused Mr. Madman in water until he was squeaky clean, then whipped out their scissors and portable closet from their boots. They scrubbed his face with a Brillo pad and cleaned the sleep snot from his eyeballs and did amazing dental work on his pointy yellow teeth. They cut off his fingernails and toenails and cleaned the toe jam and caked dirt out from under them, and manicured and pedicured away. They stood him up and dressed him in a tux and combed his hair and sprayed and blow dried it and brought him into the light and suddenly...

"Wait a minute!" the chicken screeched. "That's King George!

"It cannot be!"

"No!"

"My good chicken, you must be joking!"

"Seriously! I know what I'm talking about. The warrior chicken knows all!" Lynda put her wings on her hips and scrutinized the "king" through her little golden helmet. "Yep, that's him all right."

"Are you saying that I am King George? Do any of you have a mirror?" The Three Musketeers exchanged amused glances as they stifled silly laughs.

"He speaks as if each one of us doesn't have as many mirrors as our boots could carry," sniggered Tammy through her nose as she offered a silver plated hand mirror to the madman.

As Mr. Madman gazed contemplatively at his now quite handsome reflection, his eyes immediately cleared and his insane look departed, leaving him appearing quite dignified and imposing. "Lovely job cleaning me up," he commented. "Yes, I do remember now. I am King George. I recall how I went crazy, but I am quite sane now, thank you very much. I shall be on my way."

"Wait! To where are you off? What about your treasure?" the chicken clucked.

"My treasure! Oh, let the boys have it. They seem slightly more mature now. Oh, I hope they marry the Three Musketeers. Wouldn't that be great?"

"Sir! I mean - uh - Dad! Can't we come with you?" Dorian grinned boyishly.

"But of course. Come with me, my sons! Someday all of this will be yours!"

"What, the curtains?" asked Cosmo.

"No, you stupid fools, the island! Walk this way!"

"Stop! Do not forget that First Mate Elam Stone is outside awaiting our exit from this cave! He is most definitely expecting the treasure to be in our hands to hand over to him!"

"Thank you, Amy. What better army could I have than the Three Musketeers along with Lynda the Warrior Chicken?"

Delighted at the prospect of great battle the Three Musketeers whooped ecstatically and mainly charged off with the chicken toward the entrance of the cave.

"Meia? What are you doing?" Amy turned around and scowled at her friend, who with an innocent expression, dropped the piece of charcoal in her hands with which she had anonymously drawn pictures all over the cavern walls.

"Nothing!"

"Nothing? Nothing?? Nothing, tra la la?!" Amy hissed. "Stop being peaceful and come help us wage war!"

"Coming!" After licking her fingers she expeditiously fell into  step behind the warrior chicken.

Cautiously approaching the mouth of the cave, the Three Musketeers and the chicken shirked through the shadows, their forms seeming to melt into the cavern walls.

The pirates could be spied sitting around patiently on rocks and leaning against trees. Keyes was quietly taking care of his cuticles, but Elam paced nervously, furtively glancing around him as he kept one hand on his sword.  

Quickly congealing in the darkest shadow, the Three Musketeers formulated a plan. Meia would take Keyes, Amy would take Elam, and Tammy with Lynda the Warrior Chicken would take the rest (with a little help from their friends). Then, with a whoop to end all whoops, they charged out from the cave at the reposing pirates, who turned to gape at them with enormous eyes.

The battle raged on. Pirates fell left and right at the capable hands and wings of Tammy and Lynda. However, Amy and Meia fought on with Elam and Keyes. It seemed that neither could get the upper hand. "This is not logical!" Amy gasped. "My cunning and wit far exceeds yours! I should be able to drop you like a fly!"

"You see, it is my wisdom and experience."

After hahahing, Amy doubled her efforts, and presently she could see that her endless birr was beginning to wear on the pirate. Finally, she managed to kick him in his side, causing his legs to bend, and he fell to his knees. She punched his nose, and he fell backward onto the ground, whereupon he found the sharp point of Amy's sword just beneath his chin.

"Bummer," he sighed.

Most of the rest of the pirates were dead, except for a handful with which Tammy and Lynda were battling, and Keyes who still fenced forth with Meia. Lamentably, Meia tripped on her own foot and heretofore flew headlong in Keyes' direction. Seizing the opportunity, the pirate drew his butter knife and bent his arm around Meia's head. Looking up, he screamed something in German.

"No one moves or she dies," Elam translated pathetically from beneath Amy's weapon.

"Danke!" Keyes smiled amiably.

"Let go of her or you die."

"Was?"

The voice came from a stranger: a strange woman standing above the mayhem, gazing down in a most condescending fashion. She wore all black, and her dark hair was pulled back in a ponytail. She was armed with a very menacing crossbow.

"I am Jennifer, Queen of Denial. And I am most impressed with the battle skills of you three females. And with you chicken. May I ask who you are?"

"We are the Three Musketeers!" Amy squawked. With a whoop, the three women decided it would be safer just to stand still.

"My whoop sounded like a squirk!" Meia giggled and gurgled beneath Keyes' constricting arm.

"And I am Lynda the Warrior Chicken!"

"I have heard of you Musketeers. And of the work you do. In fact, I am wearing Musketeer brand boots. You like them?"

"Very much indeed!" they chimed in unison.

Jennifer stepped down from her hill. After patiently prodding Keyes several times with her crossbow, he reluctantly decided to return his butter knife to its sheath. "Zum Teufel," he sighed.

"I am an excellent warrior. If you would have me, I would love to join your entourage. I could be your leerless feeder! I mean, fearless leader."

"That would be wonderful!" The Three Musketeers collectively began glowing.

"Let's go off together to the ends of the earth and - and - pillage!"

"No, no, Meia! That's make peace. Got it?!" Tammy scolded.

"Yeah, yeah. Big whoop."

They were approached by King George, the ex-madman. "I believe you deserve my treasure. Come with me back to my castle and I shall have it divided equally among you Four Musketeers, and you chicken. Sound OK?"

"OK!"

"OK, let's go."

"Wait! Father, you are forgetting something!" Dorian stumbled forward to stare into Tammy's eyes dreamily. "Oh, Tammy, you are the most inconceivable musketeer I know! I mean - I mean - What I mean to say is, You are my density. Will you marry me?"

"Umm - OK. Alter all, I have been feeling fairly domestic lately. Do you guys mind?"

"Well, a little, but - that's OK. Just do not forsake us!"

"I won't! Oh, this is so romantic! He makes me feel so feminine!"

The three other Musketeers attempted to hide their revulsion.

"Oh, this is neat! Uh - like - Meia, will you marry me?" Cosmo swaggered forward, grinning dorkily.

"Umm - probably not..."

"Amy!" Avery stepped forward and gazed at her uncertainly. "Will - um - you marry me?"

"Kiss me first," she commanded. Swooping upon her, he kissed her most enthusiastically. Alter nearly swooning, Amy stood up strait and thought for a short second. "Um, no, but that was nice of you to ask anyway."

"Well, OK. We wish you joy in your peregrinating!"

"Yeah! Most happiness!" added Cosmo.

"Thank you! Thank you very much indeed!" The Musketeers bid them farewell and waved them away. Alter several moments of thinking, Tammy decided to stay with the other Musketeers just a little while longer before she met up again with Dorian.

"Perhaps three years?" she wondered.

Lynda the Warrior Chicken also decided to stay with the Four Musketeers. She nested comfortably atop Tammy's large, warm head so her little chicken legs wouldn't get too worn out in their travels. They sold their cottage and began a world wide trek, spreading mostly good wherever they went. How content they were, and what fulfilled lives they led! They coexisted as sisters, they continuously marched on like soldiers, they bonded like males, and they dressed like only the Musketeers could. If ever you sit alone staring out the window on a warm spring eve, and gaze to the horizon at twilight, and spy four graceful, womanly, yet robust figures along with a chicken silhouetted against the golden sky, listen very carefully. You just might hear them whoop.