DISCLAIMER AND AUTHOR'S NOTE: All Buffy The Vampire Slayer stuff belongs to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy and Warner Brothers. No copyright infringement was intended in the writing of this fiction. All other characters that appear belong to me. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Copies may be made for private use only and must include this copyright notice and disclaimer. There is some subtext in this story. If this kind of stuff is not legal where you live, if you're under 18 or if you don't like the notion of two women being in love, then you should find something else to read. This is a songfic based on Livin' A Lie by Milk Inc. from their album Land Of The Living. It is set during the sixth season, after Riley left. This story is a Buffy/Angel crossover. I transcribed the lyrics myself, so if there are any mistakes, they're all mine.

Livin' a Lie
By Kristjan Brezovnik

Milk Inc. - Livin' a Lie

You put on a fight,
Blaming me the feeling's gone,
But I know you ain't right,
I never felt it all along.
I hide away my fear,
Hoping no one will come near,
'Cause they can't see me when I'm trying to be me.

Livin' a lie,
Tell me why I run and hide.
Livin' a lie,
You'll never know me deep inside.

I put on a smile
And try to pretend that I'm alright,
'Cause it's only awhile,
Till I can run into the night.
I hide away my fear,
Hoping no one will come near,
'Cause they can't see me when I'm trying to be me.

Livin' a lie,
Tell me why I run and hide.
Livin' a lie,
You'll never know me deep inside.

You put on a fight,
Blaming me the feeling's gone,
But I know you ain't right,
I never felt it all along.
I hide away my fear,
Hoping no one will come near,
'Cause they can't see me when I'm trying to be me.

Livin' a lie,
Tell me why I run and hide.
Livin' a lie,
You'll never know me deep inside.

Livin' a lie,
Tell me why I run and hide.
Livin' a lie,
You'll never know me deep inside.

I hide away my fear,
Hoping no one will come near,
'Cause they can't see me when I'm trying to be me.

Livin' a lie,
Tell me why I run and hide.
Livin' a lie,
You'll never know me deep inside.

Livin' a lie,
Tell me why I run and hide.
Livin' a lie,
You'll never know me deep inside.

When Faith stepped through the last gate that separated her from official freedom, she closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths. Free, that's what they said. But she knew better. Her own mind was the ultimate prison, a torture chamber, actually, and there was only one person that could release from it. And she knew that that person would never do that. She sighed, her throat suddenly feeling tight.

She took a deep breath and shook her head. She opened her eyes and looked around to see whom Angel had sent to pick her up. She didn't really expect Cordelia or Wes, but she was surprised to see the detective who had arrested her. The detective was slowly walking toward her and she decided not to waste time and she approached her as well.

"Faith," the detective said when they met.

"Detective," Faith replied.

Since Kate didn't have anything to say, she led the way to her car.

The drive wasn't very long and Faith was glad the detective didn't try to open up a conversation, she didn't feel like talking. When they arrived to Angel's new place, Kate escorted Faith inside and when Angel nodded at her, she left. Faith and Angel stared at one another for a few moments.

"Welcome back, Faith."

Faith nearly snorted, but she just didn't have the mental strength to do it. She knew she was anything but welcome. Except maybe by Angel.

"Hi," she said.

She suddenly felt very tired. She wanted to make up for what she had done, but she suddenly wasn't so sure any more that that was at all possible. Still, she was determined not to give up.

"Let me show you to your room," Angel said.

Faith nodded and followed Angel.

"Does she know?" she asked as they walked.

She didn't have to specify who she was talking about.

"No. I wanted to see you first."

"Don't tell her."

"If I don't, Cordelia or Wesley will."

Faith sighed.

"Tell them not to. I don't want her coming here. I need to get used to being out first. And when I'm ready, I'll go to her. If she'll want to see me."

They got to her room and Faith dropped her bag and looked around. Suddenly she was scared again. In jail, she had a routine, she knew what to do and when to do it. Here, there were no rules and she didn't know what to do.

"What do you want me to do?" she asked and looked at Angel.

"What do you want to do?"

Faith thought for a moment.

"I don't know. I want to make up for what I've done." She hesitated for a moment. "But I don't know how." She went to the bathroom and looked in. "I think I'm gonna take a shower," she said.

Angel nodded and left.

Faith quickly stripped and stepped into the booth. She let the cold water wash over her. She had long ago realized that the cold water won't make her numb, but if she let it run long enough, it started to hurt a bit from the cold and she punished herself by standing under the cold water for half an hour. Just standing, trying to forget at first, but the pain wouldn't let her forget. So she remembered instead, hurting herself even more.

When she got downstairs, she saw that Wesley and Cordelia were there. She paused for a moment when she saw them, but then she slowly continued her descent. She stopped when she saw that Cordelia was starting to back up. Then she waited for the verbal assaults.

"So, you're out," Cordelia said, glaring at her, but scared a bit at the same time.

"Yes."

"Are you still the psycho slut?"

"Cordelia," Angel glared at her.

"What? She was a psycho and a slut when she went to jail. I just wanna know if I should take a long vacation while she's here or can I actually turn my back to her without worrying that I'll have another close encounter with her elbow."

Faith didn't respond. She knew Cordelia wouldn't believe her, no matter what she said. She looked at Wesley, who looked away, feeling uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly.

"What?" Cordelia said, surprised. "Did you just apologize?"

Faith looked at her.

"Yes."

She tried to meet Cordelia's gaze, but she couldn't. So she looked at her feet instead.

Cordelia stared at her for a few moments and then looked at Angel.

"I really think you should tell Buffy."

"I will," Angle said. "Just not yet. You know she'd come here and we all know what happened the last time."

Cordelia made a face.

"So now what? Does she patrol or what?

Angel looked at Faith.

"Do you feel ready?"

Faith gulped.

"I don't know," she said and sighed heavily. "Maybe, just not by myself."

Angel nodded.

"We'll go together," he said and Faith nodded in agreement.

Cordelia looked at Wesley.

"Wesley?"

Wesley glanced at her.

"We'll see," he said and looked back at Faith, who looked down. "First, you should train, so we can see whether your skills have diminished in prison."

"I'll take care of that," Angel said. "Come, Faith."

After a couple of days of patrolling with Angel, Faith finally went out on her own. She was a bit insecure at first, not quite trusting herself that she wouldn't lose control. When she passed by a club and heard the loud music, she stared at the entrance for a while. Before she went to jail, she would have immediately gone to the club to have some fun and maybe a quick fuck, but now, she didn't. She didn't deserve to have fun or experience even the brief moments of happiness during sex. She moved on, remembering sadly how she and Buffy had danced at the Bronze, side by side. Back then, before Finch, she was still deluding herself that just maybe she had a chance with Buffy. She knew better now. Now, all she wanted was for Buffy to tolerate her presence. Well, not even that, just her existence. She sighed. She just wanted Buffy not to be angry with her anymore.

A couple of weeks later, she was finally ready to face Buffy and she told Angel to tell Buffy that she'd like to see her. She heard that Buffy was pissed, especially when she found out that Faith had been out of jail for almost three weeks and Angel didn't tell her. Still, she had agreed to meet her. Angel offered to accompany Faith, but she told him she had to deal with this herself.

A couple of days later, Faith arrived to Sunnydale. She got herself a room at the motel and waited there for the time of the meeting to come. When it did, she went to Giles' house. There, she hesitated for a few minutes before finally knocking.

A moment after she did, the door opened and Buffy stood there. They stared at one another for a few moments before Buffy stepped aside and let Faith in. Faith gulped when she saw that the entire Scooby Gang was there, except Riley.

"So, you're out," Buffy said after she closed the door and joined her friends.

Faith nodded, not trusting her voice.

"Looks like Angel is still eating out of her hand," Xander said.

Faith glanced at him. She felt like kicking the crap out of him, but the feeling passed after a few moments and she looked back at Buffy.

"What do you want, Faith?" Buffy asked.

Faith gulped.

"I want to make up for what I've done," she said, hoping her voice wasn't shaking.

"Oh really? And how do you intend to do that?"

Faith sighed.

"I don't know."

"Ha! You come here, you say you want to make up, but you have no idea how. So now it's up to us."

Faith gulped again.

"Yes."

"Great! You mess with our lives and now you expect us to tell you what to do to make up. You can't even do that by yourself."

"What did you expect?" Willow said.

"Xander's mine," Anya piped up.

Faith glanced at her and then looked back at Buffy.

Seeing that Faith wasn't going to fight back, Xander and Willow came closer and started yelling at her.

Faith glanced at them and then looked around. Anya didn't care and Dawn, Tara and Giles felt a bit uncomfortable at the scene. She looked back at Buffy. Buffy didn't say much, but what little she said hurt far more than anything Xander or Willow came up with. Faith felt like crying, but she kept up her act. It was a new act. At first, they had expected her to be a great Slayer, and she was. Then they had expected her to be a slut, and she was. Then, after Finch, they had expected her to be a psycho, and she was. And now, they were expecting her to a humble sinner, and she was. Her entire life was one lie after another and now it was way too late to start telling the truth and be herself. So she kept up the lie, knowing that no one knew her deep inside and that no one would believe that was the real Faith, even if she had allowed them to see her true self.

"Stop staring at me!" Buffy suddenly yelled and Faith flinched.

She felt like a ton of bricks hit her at a hundred kilometers per hour. She looked at her feet, feeling like she was about to break into thousands of pieces.

"Where are you staying?" Dawn asked and everyone looked at her.

"At the motel," Faith said.

"Then go there. Yelling at you won't help anyone," Dawn said and looked at Buffy.

"Yes, I think that would be best," Giles quickly agreed.

Faith looked at Buffy.

"Fine! Go!" Buffy said. "And don't leave the place until I come pick you up."

Faith sighed. She nodded and left.

"Are you going to follow her?" Xander asked when she was gone.

"No, she's not," Dawn said.

Buffy looked at her, surprised.

"Dawn?"

"Look, she came back and she's sorry. Don't you think it's about time you stopped treating her like some sort of mistake or inconvenience. She's a Slayer, for crying out loud."

"Why are you on her side? She kept you and Mom hostage."

"So? She's not a psycho, you know. She may be a slut, but I'm not in any position to judge. But I know she's not a psycho. She was just angry and jealous of you."

Buffy stared at her with disbelief.

"She killed Finch!" she pointed out. "And that professor. She tried to kill Xander, she held Willow at knifepoint, she held you and Mom hostage, she stole my body and slept with Riley, she tortured Wesley and she tried to kill Angel. Twice! After she failed to seduce him. And there's probably a whole bunch of things we don't know about."

"If I recall, you felt just as guilty over Finch as she did. And then you simply blamed Faith for it, even though it was an accident."

"At least I regretted it. She didn't."

"Maybe she was just too scared to deal. Remember when I broke Mom's vase? The bluish one? I was so scared, so I pretended I didn't care. I simply removed the pieces and pretended nothing had happened. I lasted a day before I broke. Faith simply lasted longer. And she did go to jail, remember? She could've run away."

"Where are you going?" Buffy asked when Dawn got up.

"Home."

Everyone stared after her.

"Can you believe it!" Buffy said, upset, when Dawn was gone. "My own sister's against me."

"She might have a point," Giles slowly said.

"Giles!" Buffy said, shocked.

"None of us knows how Faith really feels and we all know she's a good actress. But Dawn is right. If Faith wanted to, she could easily have escaped. And she didn't have to come back to be yelled at, but she did."

"I don't trust her, Giles. I'd send her away, but then I couldn't keep an eye on her." She looked around. "And I don't want anyone telling her about Dawn. I don't want her to go to Glory."

"Don't worry," Willow said. "I don't intend to be anywhere near her, much less talk to her."

"Good."

"Faith!" Dawn called after the Slayer when she almost caught up with her.

Faith stopped and turned, surprised.

"Dawn."

Dawn stopped and took a few deep breaths.

"Hey."

"You shouldn't be here. Buffy's gonna freak out if she finds out."

"I'm not gonna tell her and I don't think you are either." She sighed. "How are you?"

Faith stared at her for a few moments.

"What do you care?"

Dawn shrugged.

"Let's just say I believe you. And I want to give you a second chance."

Faith opened her mouth and then closed it again, not trusting her voice. She gulped.

"Thank you," she then said quietly.

Dawn smiled.

"No problem." She hesitated for a moment. "Can I ask you a personal question?"

Faith thought for a few moments. She didn't feel like answering anything personal, but Dawn was giving her a second chance, so the least she could do was reciprocate somehow.

"Okay."

"How did you feel after you killed Finch?"

Faith felt her throat constrict and she couldn't breathe for a few moments. Then she took a few deep breaths to calm down. She considered not answering, but she didn't want to lose Dawn's support.

"I… I was… scared," she confessed. "But I couldn't deal, so I… pretended I didn't care," she said, avoiding Dawn's eyes.

Dawn nodded, glad that she was right about Faith.

"Thank you," she said.

Faith looked at her, surprised.

"Do you have a phone at the motel?" Dawn asked.

Faith thought for a moment and then nodded.

"Yes."

"Call me when you get there. I wanna have your number, so I can keep you posted."

Faith stared at her for a few moments, surprised.

"What about Buffy?"

"She's still ranting at Giles'."

"And you mom?"

Dawn's face became serious.

"She's in the hospital."

"What?" Faith said, surprised.

"Tumor," Dawn explained.

"Is she… gonna make it?"

"I don't know."

Faith sighed.

"I'm sorry." She hesitated for a few moments. "I think she's a great mom."

Dawn smiled briefly.

"Yes, she is." She sighed. "Call me."

Faith nodded.

"Okay."

"Good. I'll see you around," Dawn said and left.

Faith stared after her, wondering why on Earth Dawn was on her side. Then she slowly turned and continued to the motel.

After calling Dawn and giving her her phone number, Faith just sat on the bed, for the next couple of hours, staring at the TV. She didn't really care what was on, she just wanted to forget about everything for a while. But she couldn't. She wiped the tears that slid down her cheeks while she wasn't paying attention. She stared at the wetness on her fingertips for a while. Not so long ago, she would have said crying was for sissies. Well, she knew better now. She knew she was no sissy and she realized crying actually seemed to be helping a bit. Though now that she was thinking about it, she just couldn't bring herself to do it. She sighed. Maybe later then. Though after what she had done, she didn't really deserve to feel better.

Finally there was a knock on the door and Faith looked at the door, startled. She hesitated for a moment and then slowly got up and went to the door. There, she took a deep breath and then opened the door. It was Buffy.

They stared at one another for a few moments.

"Let's go," Buffy finally said.

Faith quickly put on the shoes, took the jacket and the stake, and then followed Buffy. Or rather, she walked beside her, several steps away. She knew Buffy didn't trust her, but being reminded of it simply hurt. But she didn't protest, she knew she had no right to.

Things didn't improve much over the next couple of weeks. Dawn was still the only one that didn't mind talking to her. Giles said only what was necessarily for their patrols and he mostly addressed Buffy. Willow and Xander seemed to be slowly running out of insults, but they kept an eye on her at all times. Anya didn't care as long as she stayed away from Xander and Willow didn't let Tara anywhere near her. But what was starting to seriously worry her was the fact that because Buffy didn't trust her and had to keep an eye on her, she was making herself vulnerable to the vamps. She didn't want Buffy to get hurt because of her. She didn't want to leave, but the fact that everyone was even more jumpy than usual and the fact that they had their hands full with the goddess from Hell was not a good thing. As long as she was around, Buffy wouldn't be able to concentrate on the goddess. Not to mention that the constant insults were driving her crazy. That scared her, because she knew what she was capable of and she didn't want to hurt Buffy ever again. So while Buffy was still in class, she packed her stuff and left the motel. She considered just disappearing, but she knew that Buffy would be worried she was up to something. So she decided to talk to Dawn first and let her know she was going to LA.

"Hi," Dawn said when she opened the door and saw Faith there.

"Hey."

Dawn frowned when she saw the bag.

"Where are you going?" she asked.

"Back to LA."

"Why?"

Faith sighed.

"Because I'm only distracting Buffy while I'm here. She doesn't trust me and she keeps her eye on me instead of the vamps and that might get her killed. She's always angry when I'm around and I can't really do anything to make up to her until she lets me."

"Oh. And I bet Xander and Willow are getting on your nerves."

Faith smiled briefly.

"That too." Her face became serious. "Tell her to give me a call if she needs help with Glory, I'll be staying at Angel's."

"Okay. Take care, Faith."

Faith stared at her for a few moments.

"Thanks, kid."

"I'm not a kid," Dawn protested.

"I know," Faith said and left.

Dawn stared after her for a few moments and then closed the door.

"Buffy," Dawn said when Buffy came home.

"Yes?"

"Faith left."

"What?"

"She left. She went back to LA."

"How do you know?"

"She told me."

"She was here?"

"Yes. She said you should give her a call if you need help with Glory."

Buffy thought for a few moments.

"Did she say why she was leaving?"

"She was worried about you."

"Me?" Buffy said, surprised.

"Yes. You don't trust her and you keep an eye on her instead of the vamps and that will get you killed. And besides, your, Xander's and Willow's ranting is getting on her nerves. I mean, hello! She knows she messed up, that's why she went to jail. She came back to try and make up, but she can't do that if you keep yelling at her. I'm surprised she lasted that long, I would've left a long time ago."

"Why are you on her side?"

"Because I believe her. You know, I asked her how she felt after she killed Finch."

"You what?!" Buffy said, upset. "When?"

"When she first came here. She felt exactly the way I felt after I broke Mom's vase, only much worse."

Buffy stared at her younger sister for a few moments.

"Really?" she then asked.

"Yes. How long did you talk to her about it?"

"I tried, but she wouldn't talk."

"So you left."

Buffy stared at her for a moment before answering.

"Yes," she said, getting the feeling that maybe she hadn't tried hard enough.

"Well, you know where she is if you need her," Dawn said and left.

Buffy nodded and slowly went to her room, thinking about Faith.

Angel didn't give Faith any problems when she got to LA and Cordelia and even Wesley seemed to be more comfortable around her. She went out on patrols and she behaved. She tried to forget Buffy, but she couldn't. And every time she went on patrol, she became more and more aware that she couldn't make up for what she had done. She let the vamps and demons beat her before she killed them. She didn't associate much with others, but eventually, Angel started noticing. So she avoided him even more. He finally called Buffy.

Buffy wasn't very happy, but she came nonetheless. She was worried and it bothered her. After all, Faith wasn't her problem. Was she? Doubts kept creeping up and the conversations she had with Dawn didn't help any. How could Dawn be friends with Faith? She found it ironic. She had given Faith so many chances, but Faith screwed her over every single time. And now that Faith wanted a chance, she got screwed back. She sighed as she entered Angel's place. Why couldn't she just give Faith the chance? After so many, one more shouldn't be a problem. But she knew why. She was afraid of Faith screwing her over again. But could she take the chance? Suppose Faith really meant it and she wouldn't screw her over, how would that change their relationship. She frowned. Relationship? She shook her head and looked around.

"Hello, Buffy."

Buffy took a deep breath.

"Angel. Where is she?"

"In her room."

"Show me?"

"I think you better wait until she comes out by herself, otherwise she might just escape through the window."

Buffy raised an eyebrow.

"Are you serious?"

"She did that once."

"Oh." She thought for a moment. "How is she?"

"Not good. I saw her two days ago and she reminded me of a corpse."

"Do you have any idea what's going on?"

"No, but I have a feeling it has to do with you."

"Me? So now it's my fault," Buffy said, upset.

"I didn't say that."

"Then what?"

"You'll have to talk to her. I followed her around on her patrol a few times. She lets vampires beat her up before she kills them."

"And what do you expect me to do?"

"Talk to her."

Buffy snorted.

"Like she's gonna listen to me."

"She might."

Buffy sighed.

"Show me to her room, I'll wait outside."

Angel nodded and led the way.

When Faith finally came out of her room, she was surprised to see Buffy there. They just stared at one another for a few moments, Faith surprised to see Buffy there, Buffy shocked at Faith's appearance. Buffy was surprised to see fear in Faith's eyes and she just barely managed to block the door before Faith closed them after returning back to her room.

"Faith," she said and pushed the door open.

Faith backed off and Buffy could see fear and pain in her eyes.

"Why are you here, B?" Faith asked quietly.

"I came to talk to you."

"Why?"

"Because Angel is worried about you."

"I'm five by five."

"You don't look five by five."

"I am."

Buffy stared at Faith for a few moments, unsure of what to say.

"He said you let vamps beat you up."

"He's spying on me?" Faith asked, upset.

"He's worried about you."

"So? It's my life."

"You wanna tell me why?"

"What do you care?"

"I'm here, aren't I?"

"Only because Angel asked you." She sighed. "Look, we both know what I did and we both know you're never gonna forgive me. So stop pretending that you care and go home."

"Fine!" Buffy said, upset, and turned to leave. But then she realized what was happening and she stopped. "Oh no, you don't. You're not getting rid of me that easily."

"Rid? B, you're here because Angel asked you to come and you were worried that I'm up to something. Well, I'm not. And I don't think you particularly care about my health. If I decide to kill myself or something, that's my problem, you don't need to worry your sensitive consciousness with it."

Buffy stared at Faith for a few moments, wondering what to say.

"Are you?"

"What?"

"Trying to kill yourself?"

"Does it matter?"

"Yes."

"Why? Am I not doing it fast enough?"

"No!" Buffy said, shocked. "I don't want you to die."

"Really?" Faith said and ran her hand over the spot where Buffy had stabbed her.

Buffy flinched at that.

"Look, I'm sorry I..."

She trailed off when Faith started to laugh.

"Sorry? B, you stabbed me. You wanted me to die and you had every right to kill me. And if anyone should be apologizing, it's me and we both know what's gonna happen if I do."

Buffy bit her teeth, remembering the last time Faith had tried to apologize.

"Look..."

"Just go home, B, and leave me alone."

Buffy stared at her for a few moments, determined not to give up.

"So you gave up on making up for what you've done?"

"I am making up, B, I'm saving people and killing demons, just as I should. Just because I'm not doing it in Sunnydale doesn't mean that I don't do it."

"Are you planning to return?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"I think it should be obvious, B, even for you. I'm distracting you. And I have no intention to endure Xander's and Willow's insults. I know what I've done, I don't need them to remind me of it. Go home, B."

"No," Buffy said.

"Fine, then stay out of my way," Faith said and tried to leave, but Buffy stopped her.

"Oh no, you don't. We're staying here until we clear this up."

"What's there to clear, B? Me, bad girl, you, good girl. I work here, you work there. I screwed up, I make up."

"Why are letting the vamps beat you?"

"Who said I do?"

"Angel. And don't tell me he can't tell just by looking."

Faith crossed her arms defiantly.

"It's none of your business whether I let them beat me. You mind your own business and I'll mind my own."

Buffy rolled her eyes, frustrated.

"Why can't you just say what's on your mind, Faith?"

"I thought I just did. I told you to go home and leave me alone."

"Oh, so first you try to ruin my life and now you don't want to have anything to do with me."

"Hey, it's not like you came by for a visit when I was in coma or when I was in jail. You want to have as little to do with me as I with you, B, so don't pretend to be a saint."

"I'm not saying I'm a saint, Faith."

"And you don't need to be a hypocrite either."

"What do you mean?" Buffy asked, puzzled.

"You don't care about me anymore than Xander or Willow. The only reason you're talking to me is because of Angel and because you feel the need to save me," Faith explained and drew imaginary quotes in the air. "Well I got news for you, B, I don't want to be a fucking charity case! Not yours and not anybody else's. So you just pack your bags and get the hell out of here. I'll tell Angel to send you a message when I finally lose it, so you can come dancing on my grave."

"Faith!" Buffy said, shocked.

"Go home, B!"

Buffy stared at Faith for a few moments, seriously considering leaving, but then she remembered what Dawn had told her and she decided to stay and get to the bottom of it.

"No," she said.

Faith stared at her. Her whole life was one lie after another and now it was way too late to start telling the truth, especially since it would only hurt Buffy. So she decided to play the psycho part again.

She grinned evilly.

"You just don't get it, B," she said and slowly approached her. "Get the fuck out of my life!" she screamed and pushed Buffy away.

Buffy immediately took a fighting stance.

"What's the matter, B? Scared?"

"I'm not scared of you."

"Then perhaps you should be, B," Faith said and stepped even closer. "I'm a psycho slut, remember?" she said and pushed her again.

This time, Buffy defended herself.

"Are you?" she asked.

"Damn you, B!" Faith said and attacked her. "Get the hell out of my life!"

Faith was fast, but her body was worn out from the beating it took from the vamps and Buffy easily defended herself. But then Faith took her stake and Buffy started to doubt whether Faith was really sorry for what she had done. Fortunately, she quickly managed to take the stake from her.

"Come on, B, finish what you started," Faith taunted her and attacked her again.

Buffy realized that perhaps Faith wanted to die. She threw the stake under the bed and fought empty handed. That seemed to frustrate Faith.

Buffy decided that it would be good if she ended the fight as quickly as possible. She took the initiative and quickly managed to overpower Faith, who fell down. She quickly straddled her and pinned her hands to the floor. Faith started to wriggle and scream, trying to escape Buffy's grip.

"Leave me alone, B!" Faith screamed as she struggled to free herself from Buffy's grip. "I don't want you around!"

"God, you're crazy," Buffy sighed, struggling to maintain her grip.

"You don't know me, B! And you'll never know me!" Suddenly all strength left Faith and she broke into sobs. "You don't know me," she said and sobs turned into crying.

Buffy stared at her, surprised. Faith suddenly looked so vulnerable and hurt and she felt like crying along. She slowly let go of Faith's arms, hoping that she wasn't making a mistake, but Faith merely pulled them to her chest. Buffy hesitated for a moment and then got off Faith, who cuddled up like a fetus and hid her face in her hands, crying. Then she realized that the fight was just an act, probably to get her to kill Faith. It was all so confusing. Faith had said that she didn't know her and she had the distinct feeling that Faith was right, she didn't know her and she didn't know why Faith had done the things she had done. And she wanted to know.

She stared at Faith, who was still crying. Faith and crying never seemed to fit together, but just because she never saw her cry before didn't mean that she didn't. She knew Faith was a good actress and she had a feeling that every time she had seen Faith so far, she had been acting. Except now. And perhaps a few times before, but she had been too distracted with other things to notice. She wondered if things would've been different if she had noticed. Faith obviously knew her life was one big lie and she was probably too scared to start telling the truth now. But Buffy felt the old bond again and she was determined to help Faith. She knew that whatever she did next would greatly influence Faith's life. She felt strange, knowing that she held Faith's future in her hands.

She hesitated for a while and then she caressed Faith, who flinched and looked at her for a moment, puzzled, before looking away, ashamed.

"Faith," Buffy said softly and moved closer, but Faith started to back off, scared.

Buffy knew that if she didn't do something immediately, Faith would put up the walls again and then all would be lost. She moved closer again and Faith continued to back off, until her back was against the wall. Buffy saw the fear in her eyes as she got closer, but she didn't stop. She moved beside her and hugged her.

"It's all right," she said.

She felt Faith was trembling a bit, but then she relaxed. She leaned into the hug and started to cry again. Buffy quietly held her until she fell asleep from emotional exhaustion. Buffy felt tears run down her own cheeks, but she didn't wipe them. It was ironic that it took all the bad things for her to finally hold Faith in her arms. As much as she was hurt right now and as much as she refused to acknowledge it, she liked Faith, a lot, and she had missed her.

Faith woke up with a scream several hours later.

"Shh, it's just a nightmare," Buffy said and caressed her.

Faith jerked, surprised, and her eyes went wide when she realized Buffy was hugging her. She tried to back off along the wall, but Buffy didn't let her go.

"It's okay," Buffy said and smiled. She slowly let go of Faith and then got up. "I don't know about you, but I feel stiff," she said and stretched.

Faith just stared at her.

"Come," Buffy said and offered her her hand, but Faith only stared at her.

Buffy sighed. She kneeled on one knee and took Faith's hand.

"Come, let's go sleep on the bed," she said and pulled Faith up.

Faith still stared at her and Buffy hoped that she wouldn't put up the walls again. She led her to the bed and then let go of her. She considered removing the sheets and the clothes, but she decided not to. She took off her shoes and went to the other side of the bed.

"Come," she said after she lay down.

Faith continued to stare at her, so she crawled to the other side of the bed, took Faith's hand and pulled her on the bed. She felt Faith stiffen, but Faith didn't move away and she removed her shoes after a few moments. Faith then lay beside her.

"You can hug me," Buffy said and raised her arm. "I know you want to."

Faith hesitated for a moment and then cuddled up to Buffy. Buffy put her arms around protectively and she felt Faith stiffen a bit, but Faith quickly relaxed.

"You're right," Buffy said after a few moments, "I don't know you, but I want to. I want to be your friend again, Faith, and I want you to tell me the truth. When you're ready."

They were quiet for a while and Buffy started to fall asleep again when Faith started to talk. She talked for an hour and Buffy knew it was the truth. Faith's point of view, the real Faith's, was quite different, shocking even, especially when Faith confessed that she loved her. She didn't interrupt, knowing that if she did, Faith might not continue.

When Faith was finally done, she fell asleep again, leaving Buffy to think over what she had said.

During the night, Faith had woken up two more times, screaming, and Buffy quietly held her and soothed her. But when Faith woke up in the morning and found herself lying in Buffy's arms, her fears started to pop up again. She remembered what had happened the night before and also that she had told Buffy the truth. She wanted to get up and run away, but Buffy's hug was firm.

Faith's movement woke up Buffy. Faith stiffened, afraid of Buffy's reaction, but Buffy merely smiled when she saw her and loosened the embrace.

"Morning," she said.

Faith gulped.

"Morning."

"How do you feel?"

Faith thought. How did she feel? Scared out of her mind, that's how. But Buffy didn't need to know that.

"Aren't you going to yell?" she countered.

"Why?" Buffy asked, puzzled, feeling Faith's walls going up again.

Faith frowned.

"Because of what I've told you."

Buffy smiled.

"No. It made me think," she said and caressed her, making Faith flinch. "I want to help you, Faith."

"Why?"

Buffy's smile widened.

"Because I love you too."

Faith pushed her away angrily and got up.

"Fuck off, B!"

Buffy stared at her, confused.

"Faith…"

"Go the hell, B," Faith said and was ready to storm out.

Buffy quickly got up and intercepted her.

"Faith, I mean it, I love you."

"Don't lie to me, B! Just don't."

"I'm not," Buffy said, desperately trying to reassure Faith. "I think I've loved you from the first time I saw you, it's just that there was always something distracting me. When you came to Sunnydale, I was still recovering from sending Angel to Hell and from running away. I just wanted to have a normal life and I wanted to date like a normal girl. I felt the bond between us, but I just didn't want to admit it to myself. And I was jealous because everyone was suddenly so interested in you. And then Angel came back and that Post woman came. And then you killed Finch and went all psycho and I felt guilty. But I still missed you. Even when you woke from coma and I was dating Riley, I still wanted to help you, even though I knew I could end up hurt. But after you stole my body, I just couldn't take it any more. Yes, I came here because of Angel, but I stayed because of you. Dawn seems to know you better than I do and she told me some things that made me think. That's why I didn't just leave like I always have. And when you broke after the fight, I realized that you were sorry and hurt and I wanted to help you. And what you told me made me think and I finally admitted to myself that I love you. And now I'm admitting it to you as well." She took Faith's hand. "Faith, I love you. I'm not saying I know you completely, but I do know you better and I believe that what you told me is the truth. I want you to stop pretending, Faith, just be you, like you were yesterday. You don't have to impress me or anyone and I think it's about time you were happy."

Faith stared at Buffy for a while, surprised by her speech. It was everything she ever wanted, but she was scared. And she felt guilty.

"I don't deserve to be happy," she said, sadly.

"You do," Buffy said. "And besides, if you're miserable, then you can't make up for what you've done." She sighed and thought for a moment. "I forgive you, Faith," she then said and Faith's eyes went wide. "I'm not saying I can just forget everything, but I know you're sorry and I forgive you. I want us to be friends again. More than friends, actually. I want us to be together."

Faith stared at her for a few moments and Buffy could see the turmoil in her eyes. Faith then looked away and Buffy felt that her walls were going up again, so she quickly hugged her. Faith stiffened at first, but she slowly relaxed and finally hugged Buffy back. Buffy felt her tremble for a few moments, but Faith quickly calmed down.

"Feeling better?" Buffy asked after a while.

Faith nodded and they stopped hugging. Buffy then smiled.

"I don't know about you, but I need a shower and a breakfast," she said.

Faith stared at her for a few moments.

"Me too," she then said in a raspy voice.

"Then take a shower and I'll go see about the breakfast."

Faith nodded and started to turn. Buffy hesitated for a moment and then stopped her. Faith looked at her, scared, but Buffy smiled and leaned in for a kiss. Faith's eyes went wide, but she didn't back off. Buffy's lips finally touched Faith's, which parted slightly. Buffy decided for a brief but passionate kiss.

"Wanna do it again?" she asked when she stopped, having felt that Faith was starting to respond.

Faith hesitated for a few moments and then nodded. Buffy leaned in again and this time Faith leaned in as well. Their lips parted and touched, but neither used their tongue. It was a longer and more passionate kiss than the first, but there were no sexual overtones, just love.

They were both a bit breathless when they stopped and they just stared at one another. Then Buffy smiled.

"I'll go see about the breakfast."

"Buffy," Faith said when Buffy went to her shoes.

"Yes?" Buffy said, excitedly noticing that Faith had used her full name.

Faith hesitated for a moment.

"What next?"

"Well, I was hoping you would go back home with me."

"To Sunnydale?"

"Home. As in my house."

"Your house?" Faith asked, surprised.

"Yes. I don't want you to be alone anymore." She frowned. "I mean, lonely. And besides, we're together now."

"What about your mom?"

Buffy's face became serious.

"I think she won't mind."

Faith thought for a moment.

"What about Willow and Xander?"

"I'll talk to them. Don't worry, I won't tell them what you told me, but I'll make them understand that we were wrong about you. And besides, if I could forgive you, so can they." She smiled. "I'm on your side, Faith."

Faith stared at her for a few moments and then nodded.

"Thank you," she said.

"Is that a yes?"

Faith hesitated for a moment and then nodded again.

"Yes."

Buffy smiled.

"Okay. I'll go get us a breakfast now."

Faith nodded and Buffy left. Faith stared at the door for a few moments, still finding it hard to believe that Buffy Summers of all people had forgiven her. And not only that, she was in love with her! Talk about a dream come true. She swore she would do her best never to hurt Buffy again. She just hoped it was enough. She took a deep breath and quickly undressed.

Downstairs, Angel was already reading a paper.

"Hi," Buffy greeted him.

Angel looked at her.

"Hello, Buffy. Is everything alright?"

Buffy smiled.

"More than alright. I've forgiven her."

Angel raised an eyebrow, surprised.

"You have?" he asked, remembering the fight between Buffy and Faith the previous night.

"Yes." She hesitated for a moment. "You were right about her, she had changed, I was just too angry to accept it. I'm sorry for taking it out on you."

Angel nodded.

"I understand."

"We're going back to Sunnydale."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Willow and Xander have to realize Faith's a good girl now." She frowned. "Well, she always was, she was just scared and hurt."

Angel raised an eyebrow at the statement, but he didn't comment.

"We're hungry, by the way," Buffy continued. "And unless your fridge is full, I'm ordering us two pizzas."

"You should order the pizzas," Angel said.

"Okay," Buffy said and went to the phone. "Can I take a shower then in one of the other rooms?" she asked as she dialed the number.

"Yes."

When Faith came downstairs, Angel noticed that she seemed to be feeling better and she didn't look so broody anymore. He smiled.

"Good morning, Faith," he said.

Faith looked at him.

"Morning," she said. She hesitated for a few moments. "Thanks for caring."

Angel nodded.

"You're welcome."

Faith looked around. She didn't see Buffy anywhere and she was afraid that Buffy had left. But she decided not to let her fears guide her life again.

"Where's Buffy?" she asked.

"She's taking a shower in one of the other rooms."

"Oh," Faith said, relieved.

"She already ordered two pizzas."

Faith nodded.

By the time Buffy came downstairs again, the pizzas have already arrived. She smiled when saw that Faith was waiting for her, obviously thinking about something.

"Where's Angel?" she asked when she noticed that he wasn't around.

"He said he had some things to do," Faith reported.

"Oh." She looked at the pizza boxes. "Then let's eat."

Faith nodded and they sat down.

"Buffy," Faith spoke after a few moments.

"Yes?"

Faith hesitated for a few moments, nervous.

"I promise I'll never lie to you again," she said quietly and looked down, feeling vulnerable.

Buffy stared at her for a few moments, surprised, and then smiled.

"I trust you, Faith," she said and Faith looked at her. "And I want you to trust me as well."

Faith stared at her for a moment.

"I do," she said and Buffy smiled.

"Thank you."

Faith looked back at the pizza, feeling embarrassed but good.

When Cordelia showed up and saw them chatting over the last slices of their pizzas, she just stared at them for a few moments.

"Okay, has someone been playing with time?"

The Slayers looked at her, puzzled.

"What do you mean?" Buffy asked.

"Last I heard, you two hated one another. Well, at least you hated Faith, I'm not sure how she felt about you. And now you're chatting like you're best friends."

Buffy smiled and looked at Faith questioningly.

Faith gulped, nervous, guessing what Buffy wanted, but then she nodded. Buffy's smile widened and she looked back at Cordelia.

"Actually, we're together now."

Cordelia's face went blank.

"Together?" Then her eyes went wide. "As in girlfriends?"

"Yes."

Cordelia looked from one Slayer to the other and back.

"Is this a joke?"

"No."

Cordelia stared at them for a few moments and then shook her head.

"Whatever," she said. "Where's Angel?"

"He said he had some things to do."

"Oh. Is Wesley around?"

"Haven't seen him."

Cordelia thought for a few moments.

"Tell them I went shopping," she then said, and Buffy chuckled.

Cordelia glared at her for a moment and left.

"Well, one down, many to go," Buffy said when Cordelia was gone. She looked at Faith. "Is it okay with you if we tell them?"

Faith thought for a few moments and then nodded.

"Yes. Better we get this over with as soon as possible."

Buffy smiled.

"Yes, I know what you mean," she said and closed the empty pizza box.

A few moments later, Faith did the same and Buffy disposed of the boxes. Buffy then sat on a sofa, having decided to wait for Angel. She noticed that Faith was uncertain about joining her.

"Faith, you're always welcome in my lap, my room and my bed. If you want to cuddle or talk. Or even have sex," she said, blushing. "Though not just yet."

Faith hesitated for a few moments and then sat beside Buffy. She leaned her head on Buffy's shoulder and Buffy put her arm around her and leaned her own head on Faith's.

"You know, I like you even more now," she said after a few moments.

"Why?"

"Because I know you now. Well, I know you better. I mean, I know you, not just one of your acts."

"Oh."

Buffy hesitated for a few moments before continuing.

"Tonight, I'll tell you my life story," she said.

Faith looked at her.

"You don't have to."

Buffy smiled.

"I want to. I want you to know me at least as well as I know you."

Faith hesitated for a moment.

"Will we, you know, sleep in the same… bed?"

Buffy thought for a moment.

"If you want. I mean, I thought you'd want your own room. Though for tonight, I thought we'd share the bed, so I can talk to you."

"Okay," Faith said.

Buffy thought for a moment.

"Faith, you don't have to agree to everything I say. If you disagree with me, I want you to say so."

Faith stared at her for a few moments and then nodded.

"Okay."

Buffy smiled.

"So, do you want your own room?"

"Yes."

"Okay. And if you want to come to me in the middle of the night, you're always welcome."

Faith nodded.

"Thank you," she said after a moment.

Buffy smiled.

"You're welcome." She thought for a moment. "Do you have a lot to pack?"

Faith shook her head.

"No."

"Then we can pack when Angel returns."

Faith nodded.

"Yes."

"Okay," Buffy said and caressed Faith.

Faith cuddled even closer to Buffy. She felt safe for the first time, in spite of the fact that Buffy had seen her true self and knew almost everything about her. And after all the bad things she'd done, Buffy not only forgave her, but she loved her and trusted her. She felt like the happiest woman alive and she was determined not to lose Buffy or hurt her in any way. And she also felt that she could make up for what she had done. And when everyone she had hurt forgave her, then maybe someday she cold forgive herself as well. Someday.

The End