17.febr.99
Today I have got to know I will have Internet access. New password lays recorded in my notebook all right. I had possibility to make connections early but they are leading sessions' protocol so I should be very careful about my seances. And more then it their provider gives a very bad connection to me. I used their account only three times and was more moral support in it than any real use. But I must be more careful this time. Another thrice-repeated collision with owner of that login will be stiffly unpleasant to me.
Now I will try to tell about something ancient. 15 February this year I was in the Institute and was receiving my research grant (which, my mother is sure, I'm not deserving). And as you foresee I have seen a real beauty in the queue. As matter of fact it wasn't even a queue. There were two guys from 1st year, she, her girlfriend and me. I was half dead. I will not describe her. I'll tell you only she was not higher than me with dark lank hair and perfect face features. But what the use to tell you about my continual tortures? And in this time I even wasn't particularly taken by her, I was half dead. ... Sorry, was distracted by TV with fashion show and girls in semi-transparent tunics.
To say true I haven't particular desire to write anything right now but I haven't alternative. I became too lazy for anything else. So I will try to make myself for handwriting. The theme will be "The Spring is Mellow". This year the winter is very snowy. Weather forecasters, I mean very slimy and smiling girls on the TV, say something about half-meter snowdrifts on the streets but I'm sure they are underestimated these snow banks. It snows nearly every day this year and I afraid of the flooding my potatoes plantations by water from my pond. And as illustration for this meditations I see (watch?) on the TV video clip SASH feat. Dr Alban "Color the World". But nobody minds about it at least as I can see it. To cut a long story short there is not much sun and this fact naturally don't enliven my winter life. I even was getting accustomed to this but the day before Valentine day there was a spring wind through my window leaf. ... Sorry once more, I was watching fashion TV once more and I have got to the conclusion their legs are too thin. So, here we go... So I tell you I smelled it air and became certain it was a spring air. You can't muddle up these things.
And this morning I was struck by sudden idea, I feel excitement about my meet with Internet as if it is a very pretty girl with which I'm going become a friend. Something was muddled up in my head. For I know some people who don't want to have their personal pages. Although I know everything about physical explanations of such things if you want to know. I liked to give lectures on this theme, (it was generally in the saunas, (not with girls), or on the walk (with girls)). I know things about addicting and substitution but this will not help.
For this instance I will combine to you girls theme, spring and Internet. It was last spring. When I'm going to think about our strolls, (I and that girl partaking), I think, it was an early spring or even winter because I imagine snowdrifts somehow. And when I'm going to think about my final tripping through night Moscow I become certain it was summer. ... I caught it! I messed it with other case. (I must change theatres for this purpose in future). I've got remember it was another girl in the winter and this girl I met in the spring. When we were watching spectacle she sad me: "Have you ever seen this one before?" I answered: "No, I simply like the hero featuring very much." I lied although I really liked main character in this play. I think if one want to be a cert about something it would be better to use one good spectacle then risk with experimenting a new ones.
So I begin from begin. I was in chat. I was dallying and flirting with girls, as matter of fact with dozen of girls per hour. I have met girl 18 years old. Our business run smoothly, in the half of hour she told me she is natural lank blonde 18 years old 175 sm. I gave her final question: "Do you think I will not be ashamed in having you near by me in the theatre?" She answered: "I will match this all right." So I gave her my phone number she called me and we made a date. When we met she sad I was right and explained lately. She thought that she would be higher than me when she is high-heeled. Bit it was Ok. And we had a good time in walking hours and hours and eating ice creams. It seemed to me life was in full range. I even had real strong emotional experience. Such as, she was late first time but it was only 10 minutes and I considered this as sign of good manners from her part. But second time she was late about 40 minutes. I wonder about myself, usually I leave meeting place after 30 minutes of waiting. But I was confided in this girl, and afterwards she gave me reasonable explanation. She was a good "home girl" who liked to be on the rock' n' roll concerts. I don't know how this style is translated in English, by the way, have you seen Red Elvises "Love Pipe"? This is the real art of arts from my point of view. And she liked such music. It stands to reason the girl deserves respect, am I right?
One more about respect and about delays: Do you remember I was telling about girl with good salary, which was provoked by me to lay a flower to the everlasting flame? (see June.98) When we were talking about future date with her she sad to me: "I beg you don't be late." And she confessed me that she was emancipator and that once her chief made her to make coffee and she was infuriated with it. I guess it was "her story". So you see she had her merits and demerits. And her demerit was real lady will never "beg you don't be late." And that was her problem as I see it. If I am in wrong write me about it.
So returning to that 18 years old girl I can say I talk to her for hours. It was a pleasure to me to fancy myself as "life teacher" to her. Of course we didn't take it seriously. She liked Russian quaint writer, Harmer. I didn't read him but I took it for granted. And she was a good listener and this is not trifling detail. Emancipated women lack such useful for men trait.
{... Sorry I must make one more deviation. My sister has got flu today. I think very bad about doctors in Russia. I know there are a good ones but I have seen enough crones who deserves .... yes, who deserves death. They are monsters. I wonder, in the next revolution we will hang some cops and some so-called doctors. Do you know, in Japan one paper magnate died because flu this winter? So I guess there are in need of such sort of revolution too.}
And usually I am one of the most timid creatures ever living. So I'll continue. But TV still diverts my intention. There is women talk show with pretty young woman as a hero. But I turned it off. I may be staunch sometime. So we, I and that girl was sitting on the banisters near fountain in Alexandrovskyi garden near Kremlin wall. I was prattling and prattling and then I sad suddenly: "Bothered?" She burst in laugh: "Of course not." She looked direct in my eyes and smiled good-humored. A few girls are able of such things. (That girl with good salary and with bottle of beer didn't meet my glance often, for example). I invited her (not with beer bottle, of course the young one,) to my home. But let's proceed us to her seeing-off.
Though it was really too late she was decisive to go home. In that time I made one miscalculation. I believed one paparazzi on the TV who sad subway is at work nearly all through the night. I was such a gullible guy in those days. I guess you want to ask me about hiring a taxi. I will answer. She lived on the contrary end of city and by that time I considered taxi business as not very appropriate, (God knows why!), for delivering young ladies to their homes. But before this there was another funny moment when I have seen her house first time. When we reached her residential area I sad: "Do you know this is the snobbish part of the city?" And imagine my utmost surprise when we made our way to those snobbish buildings. If you have seen serial "Jeeves and Voster" you would say Jeeves would be proud of my steadfast reaction. But really we don't care about such trifle things as different residential areas and incomes gradation. So in our last seeing-off we were on her subway station about 1AM. I sad: "It's probably unkind from my part but can you walk to your home alone? If I walk out it will be only one chance to get home to me by taxi." She answered: "Of course, everything is all right I find my road to home."
So I sat in the train but there was a catch about which I didn't know. It happened last trains are out of depot at 1AM. So if you are lucky and haven't change of trains you are all right. I one time was lucky, I took a seat at 1AM and was in time to change trains so I was out of subway about 2AM. But this time was different. I hadn't a time for change. And it was surprise. But I was compensated that I was in that time not on the contrary side of town but right in the center of it i.e. it would be a half-fare for taxi-driver. By lucky coincidence it was the same stations where we walked with her, and not only with her because I used not only the same theatre and spectacle but even the same banisters near fountain in Alexandrovskyi garden near Kremlin wall. At first moments I was nonplussed but after this appeared a policeman and young plain lad in plain clothes, (it was nearest station to Kremlin, you know.) This policeman strongly reminded me of popular well-known artist who all his life played policemen in our movies and was really respected by many people. I even can say it was a pleasure to talk with him. Point is that the stations had many exits and many of them were closed so to stay in the subway till morning was apt not for me neither for them. They could see I am not a tough guy and they even risked to give me advice how to pay for a car. (We haven't much confidence in hailing real taxi and used to the fact that nearly every driver will be glad to earn some extra).
So we peacefully parted at the exit. But do you think I run for taxi when there were such splendid night? And once more I'm not certain about the season. Now I feel scruples about this question again. Because when I sad her good by near her porch I distinctly took impression of snow banks and even snowstorm. I see only one possible explanation. You hardly find in the center of the city even fistful of snow. (Probably this winter you can find it enough.) But when you don't see snowdrifts and when you feel strong spring air and have elation after rendezvous even if it ended in the night and not in the morning, so you can easily to get "spring impression" upon your head. ... Now I watch TV fashion show advertising women underwear. I changed my mind their legs are not too skinny for my taste, (or may be it's all evening influence?). ... But it's strange my memory is unwell I didn't remember some facts happened less than year ago. But I perfectly remember her face her figure her (and my) jokes, but they were a little bit frivolous so I'm not intended to recite them now.
To be (or not to be) continued (?)
8.march.99
I'm ill again, (not so badly of coarse). Usually I am not so often getting cold. Today is "If Tomorrow Will Come" on TV. She said... (By now I know I write it right). She said once that I remind her the dick from this serial. I asked her: "Only by outward appearance?" And she answered: "No, not only by outward".
About smile: See "The Little White Bird" by J.M.Barrie, chapter IX "Confirmed Spinster". But mind you, I said it first.
And the problem was usually author chose somebody for whom he writes, and Milne told the same. I don't see to whom I could write. I know it will be useful for my language practice so I will try. So I can say I really was like that dick from "If Tomorrow Will Come" and it was cool. But I wasn't so crazy and kept my equilibrium to the T.
22.May.99
Wow, I found those old theatrical tickets. We were there 13.april.98.