2.sent.98
It' strange but latter years I feel very romantic on September 1st. So I want to talk about big disillusionment. No I haven't any illusions in general. So it was a big bang! (Not as success but as with accident with Piglet and his balloon.) It was some kind of flop. But I didn't decided yet flop was me or she.
She was a girl with very good bearing with excellent features. I can't say she could be a princess. I guess she would be a queen but very young and not wanting any surplus publicity. (I'm such a chump when I'm trying to depict somebody's beauty. I real wish to buy a spy camera.) She reminds me a fox, (not a fox-cub, and not an old sly fox). I guess it's an exterior resemblance. (By the way do you know: "Fox" - in English - "He," in Russian - "She," and "Hare" - in English - "She," in Russian - "He"). When you look at her you see a girl with a perfect stamina. I thought that her feeling in confidence in herself based on her beauty and her kindness and openness to meet any in this world. For example I have my stamina based on my good-looking and my philosophical understanding of everything.
You will laugh but story will have 3 cases again.
1st case: I have seen her a long time ago, (2 years). I was very young. I knew she was (is) older me for one (may be even two) years. Gosh! So about half year ago I saw how she defended thesis. I had very impish naughty humor in that time. I don't know why. May be it was a tenderness of a sun, may be there is much fun to me to hear a pretty girl trying talk about clever things. It was amazing we were a few man (and woman -))) the room. She looked at me time to time. Donno why, I was dishevelled and with carefree air. May be I was from our mutual students army, (not professors stuff). Gosh! May be its were my only fancies? Hark! Now will be a very important point: She wore a skirt. I respect girl who wore skirt greatly.
2nd case. It was meeting on the sub-faculty, after this I waited her near door. She had some business. (Too many girls have too much business in our day. Eh?) I was too demure. I made ambush but I pretended no waiting her too much. So I have missed when she parted.
3rd case. 2.sept.98 (Present Time): Dislaimer: it was her fault! Why did she smiled at me??? It was sub-faculty meeting again. Everything was fresh after summer vacations, me, she, and she smiled at me at once when she came in. So I made my mind. It was a business for principle. She as usual had too many at hands to do. But before this I'll tell you about some details. Her nails were without nail polish. (I like it very much). Her nails were cut short but her fingers were not short anyway. Another significant but not too good detail: her notebook had enormous volume. By the way my phone numbers can be listed on one sheet of paper. So it took about 40 minutes after meeting had finished. And another words wanted to be attended. About her bearing: She had magic spine (and have by now and I can go to the institute and see it right now!) She kept her bearing when she walked, talked, was sitting, writing and so on. It dazed me! But returning to our muttons: I had about 5 minutes when we walked to the exit. Again I walked near her and looked directly to her to she notice my attention. Then I sad:
- "You look nice." She sad:
- "Thank you." She also didn't stop and didn't surprise at me. I guess such girls are accustomed to such attempts. I knew I could have not much time and say:
- "Are you married?" Again she didn't take offence even didn't taken aback in anyway but smiled at me.
- "Yes, I'm married. And did you want to marry me?" I sad only:
- "Yes"
I don't want to reconstruct our all conversation. I was trying to keep more private line and she kept more scientific and friendly-student way. She told me about her thesis a little and about her scientific teacher. But I even didn't pretend it was interesting me. She asked me:
- "What are you going to do?" I sad, (meaning all my life, scientific work, private life, job, profession and so on):
- "I don't know by know. I'm trying different ways but … I don't know." We reached doors. I made clumsy attempt to open it to her. She made her way ahead of me. (All of them make it!) I tried to keep door opened with my left hand behind her back. Door was too heavy so I near touched her from her back. (Must I need anything about such things to make things clear?) I don't thought about anything such like. I had a problem to which I was unlucky in solution. I made another shot, (not in my repertory but I felt I had to make anything to her in addition). I sad:
I felt I hadn't to talk anymore. But deep in my mind I thought about chance of walking with her to the Subway. But I repeat it was a flop. So pay attention, please!
When we were descending from the porch. I stroke against expensive car. So I wanted to tell her something about such cars and people who have its. But suddenly I heard the sound signalling car device. I thought may be I touched this car. Then I half turned my head and saw HER climbing in that car. It was some kind of cross-country vehicle. We all (men) are experts in the cars, so I can say it was a new prestige car about 60.000 dollars!!! By now we all accustomed to such cars, but it was another point. HER car stood right down porch steps!!!! (Sorry for misusing exclamation signs.) You must realize this fact. There was parking place for cars. Not each can took place on this. It's no so easy, you see. (I don't talk about paying I talk about permission). But I don't know who can to venture use a public porch as anchoring for the vehicle. (Inexplicable).
So now you see she can have her stamina all right. She is a lady in full possession of everything. (I don't need to enumerate all, you can do it by yourselves.) Of course I felt a little bit blue after this, (but not in any way yellow -))). But it isn't the point. The point is I feel (present time, mark it), a match to her. I have no scruples no shyness nothing. Would it be her will ……
Appendix: Or 4th case. I meet her in December 98. We had talk about nothing (about my notorious thesis -)))) I felt I can't look in her eyes directly. I'm not the shy guy (sorry for repeating). I only know I can propose her only me. And she had everything. Of course I can try to make impossible try to infatuate her or dazzle her by something but for what? I know I would live with her all my lifetime, (I feel so -)))), if I was needed to her. I know that I will live my own life without her not feeling any regrets (any real regrets which connected with soul, (if there are such thing), not reasoning). We could suit each other (she could suit me -)))). By the way it's strange thing: at present time I have caught a pouches under eyes. I guess it's not so fearful but under this pouches I'm going to have a deep wrinkles. It annoyed me stiff. But she has fresh young features all that time! (Gosh! She is older me!).
My story is ended. But I want to say a couple of words more. I wonder, does she like to drive in such huge car in the city with such traffic in thoroughfare? I like (and drive) only rural roads -)) There I used to 120 km/h and no questions asked! -)) (I'm not a suicidal type to drive more with our drivers). By the way my car is the more huge than her, (but cheaper about in 20 times-)))). So now my arrogance/pride is satisfied. One more fact: she told last time, that many of her students, (Yes, Yes, She is a teacher in the institute. And do you remember I sad, in my country this profession is not prestige? I wonder, why she needed her Scientific Degree and such kind of job with such pots of money?) So she told that her students messed patronymic name. (In our country we must say patronymic names if we want say as ladies and gentlemen). I wanted to say I'll never mess her patronymic because there was another girl about two years ago who had (and has) the same name of her father. (I'll without doubt tell about her lately.) By the way, I didn't mess her father's name but I had messed her own name at first time and she didn't fix me.
Note: Music: When I wrote it down I felt this part chimes to Pills "Avengers Soundtrack." I'm talking about my feelings not on the sept.2nd but my recent feelings concerning this story.