What can I do for you?
17.jan.99
Pretext:
I don't like what Sheryl Crow sings. I liked to the solid degree this song, (and may be "Home"). By the way U2 sad their good thing which they really respects is "Lemon". I heard "Lemon" and "What I can do for you?" only once and have no records.
[I hate MTV. They pretence without knowing. May be it's only Russian MTV, and funny business of one notorious showbiz man. I felt scruples about MTV. They never show real good old videos they never show real good dance music. I was really pleasured to the tick when I've heard in Favorite of Beavis and Butthead song with words "Too scare to live, too quick to die". (I recorded this song but the name of it unfortunately missed). But the point was the next. There are "Music Fiction" on MTV and there they once sad: "weightlessness is absence of gravity force" It was the limit. One of the main
<Hey! Special message! The president of Azerbaydjan has caught cold with indications of bronchitis. By the way have you read my article about "bronchitis theme"? >
So one of the main miracles of being is gravity force. This is one thing that fascinating me. (By the way I was in the Physical Institute. (The best in our country.) There I was kicked by young (female) teacher of physics and had special appraisal from (male) Professor. (By the way he is a some kind of celebrity. -))).]
I guess fascination of life is the same thing. (I don't like MS Word. It underlines my creativity. It wants to underline everything green waves. I append already word "thing" after "the same". Now it's enough. I'll ignore MS Words insinuations.) So I repeat fascination of life is the same thing. The gist is in the intangibility and elusiveness. (And one more bad moment, my computer translator has very pure stock of words and other dictionary is only English-Russian. So I'm torturing when I want to say word but don't remember the spelling). (Funny business, when I'm typing on the key board people from neighbor flats tap on the wall. I wonder, is I typing too loud?)
Body:
So what I can do for you?
I know physics (not bad. But I don't like tasks. -)) May be not good) But I can do some conclusions from physics basic principles. So I can work (I think) as a teacher or may be in the Nuclear Station or in the Scientific Institute.
I know hardware a little bit. I can, (could) compound computer from the nil. (I compounded them). I can test and refurbish computers. (Not as special master, but I can decide problems). I bought many computers (about ten different modifications) to the different companies. I can work in some computer company. (In the institute I projected processor of my own).
I know software a little bit. (We studied a lot of in the Institute). I have working experience with languages of 4 level. (But we used to the Assembler also). I worked with many and many different programs and databases. My scope includes work with very small company with low budget and with the very vast company with huge budget.
I am familiar with some kind of nets, (LAN and Internet). (Also it may be very expensive and multi-level net or it may be null-modem). (But I'm not a network administrator although I can easily perform his work).
I had skills in computer design. I made high rez. ads to the magazines. I can easily use many graphic programs. As matter of fact when I'm designing I use about 6 different programs simultaneously. I have experience with 3D programs.
I worked and studied Office programs. I made marketing researches concerning Office, WorkFlow and DocFlow applications for financial corporation. Also I have practical experience in this area.
I can perform analytic work concerning different areas. I made marketing researches concerning modern hardware, software, network solutions, automatic managing systems. Also I made financial analytic work and forecasting.
I have experience as literature critic and have appraisal from specialists. I made essays generally about Russian classics. Now I study English classics and creative works in the Internet.
I have skills in philosophy. I had my proceedings and notes about different topics also I have essay. My works was evaluated by specialists highly.
I study English many years and can work as translator from English to Russian and translate technical, physics, computer, management and belles-lettres texts.
I have experience in area of psychology. I worked with computer and other tests, also made sociological forecasting with appraisal of specialists.
I'm studying management and project management more than two years in the post-graduate course in one the leading State University and have scientific contacts with Academics.
I can work as secretary and typist. My typing speed (after year presence in chats) is pretty well, (many people in chat was even amazing, how I could manage to keep private intimate and incessant correspondence in chat with more than 4 man (girls) at the same time).
5.april.99
Today I can say - I have some English essays, written by me, also I feel strong itching to write lyrics. (Rum, isn't it?)
Today I completed WebPage, (not this one, another - commercial one). I satisfied with it. It has clever links, targets, Frames and it's optimized by me so it flies like a bullet. I guess I can name myself as a wizard webmaster, (comparing with other, known to me "samples").
I had, (officially), flat, car, ground.
What I haven't:
I haven't knack to get things. I.e. I haven't anything.
Epilogue:
I guess the same thing is with a girls. They don't care about anything what you have or what you are. You must have winner spirit. You must will to live, and not "simply" live but live in the society on their rules. Girls like men with will and wishes. I know by know You can have something only if you desperately wont this thing. I don't want to retell Volter. It's a simple thing. -)) -> By the way when somebody asked Chehov: "What is life?" He answered: "You ask me what is life. What is carrot? Carrot is the carrot. That's all."
And I had one more very strong experience. Our TV likes to show massacres deaths and so on. Once I have seen suicide in the TV. There were one guy, (gangster). He turned on camera, took revolver, sad "I have everything what I dreamed about. So I feel hollowness and as a waif". And then he shot himself. It was recorded in real time from the distance about three meters. It was shock to me. It was as you waked up after bad dream. - You feel fearful and happy at the same time. Probably after this moment I recognized I wouldn't respect and owe and make pippin out of anything or anybody. And if you don't worship something you never reach this.
Do you want I prove one offensive idea? -))
Theorem: Cowboys are mentally Russian people.
Reasoning: Mind you I mean not real Cowboys, but gunmen and bounty hunters, and even only their images in the spaghetti Westerns and Magnifiest Seven. So it's easy. As scientists talk this is evident. They (Cowboys) are very good boys. And they are able to do everything. They can work wonders. But they had nothing. They have no propriety. And the main thing they haven't wives, children, girl-friends, Friends, people, which they can respect. They have no home and THEIR PERSECTIVES ARE NILL.
(This was not exact quotation from Magnifiest Seven, by the way). So we can call them as waifs and quits. Mind you they are not goners or losers. (Goner or Loser may be bankrupt or divorced). But these people had their own way of life, their own codex. "These people had something inside them, something, connected with death."( - quote from "Once Upon A Time").
So, what about Russian? Again mind you I don't talk about Russian people or something other plain things. I talk about problem which raised in the Russian literature. I'll say only one phrase: The favorite theme in the Russian classics is the theme of "unnecessary man". So that's all.
PS - I like philology
I like philology very much. (I may be dedicate one chapter to this). So Nitshe liked it. For example some Russian guy may say "your reasoning is profanation". And he would mean that I made an ass of you and of myself i.e. "pretence without knowing". (I shouldn't reread my notes. Otherwise I never stop them. So now rereading I guess Whole Our life is Profanation i.e. "Pretence Without Knowing"). And in English profanity is words against God. Mind you I didn't say anything against him in English. And another, why I use "ass". Because P.G. Wodehouse used it word. And if some slang misused this word why I can think of it? And I wonder almost every word in modern English stands for "homosexual". Formerly I tried to avoid such words but then I tired of this tricky business. Why? If in English Classics word "blue" stands for sad I must avoid this word? And do you know that "blue" is woman-scientist? I even couldn't imagine this. So about cowboys, I like to think that word "cow" stands for "intimidate" and "scare". It's more romantic. Otherwise we must call them "BovineBoys". (I guess I must have separate chapter about them too). I have many and many words to discuss and it will be separate chapter I guess. (I remind myself Winnie-the-Pooh researches I wonder.)
PPS When I write, what I think, I feel lack of style. Sorry. So I do either fiction either thoughts aloud. (Of course I'll try to keep on fiction).