20.febr.99
Today (19.feb.) I have lost my access again. I failed to stop in time. This caused some troubles that guy who owned login. He should be change password. From now I decided to abandon my attempts to use his access. I have another possibility but they have very bad connection, i.e. when I use their login I have very bad connection with their provider. You can tell my lines are destined to be dally-off and you will be right. I feel uncomfortable about it.
I made such fuss about getting new access and sending cheerful letters all through the world. So I feel a little bit miserable. But I have compensation when I think that I must feel more miserable in thinking that I have no job have no girl and will have not youth and my "groovy"-ness soon.
I like to make foolish decisions for example "I can have my own Internet only when I have my own job" or "I can have my own girl when I have my own job". So, you can continue this list. But I have some suspicion. First, probably I will never make money on my own. Second: when I was younger I told myself: "when I will have my own flat I will leave here with my own dog". And now I have my flat but I haven't dog and I don't want to have dog in present circumstances and in my present state of mind.
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Many days I was tempted to place on this page photo of some girl, now I want to show photo of my dog, which was with me when I was young. I know when I can ask for scanning this photo and I know what signature I will give to it. My sister has many friends but every time wants a dog. I prohibit it. There are many reasons against a new dog in our home and on of them is I wouldn't let her have this dog, I would make it mine.
I guess such lapse in Internet relations will be good to me. I will make new material. I will get used to pay for something.