Girls Will Be Girls.
24.march.99
Girls are the strangest creatures. I can never say anything definite about them. Are they crazy? For example, one of them called me her brother in the letter. (I appended word "little" to the word "brother" and sent it back). And what is about girls in general, not feminine fatale? You think you can find agreement with them and they let you down. You are interesting in them and they are inert to you. This is so trite I even have no wish to discuss it.
What is made me to sit to the keyboard again is my sister. She is 20 years old. We are antipodes. But we live in the one house so we must to co-exist peacefully. Our conflicts always happen about her exclusive status in the home. Earlier she fought for it pretending to be a kid. Now she has to change her tactics. For example: Morning 9.30AM. I am in the bathroom for three minutes. Sister coming in. "Get out of here, I need bathroom." - Such are her words. "Vicky, when are you going to the Institute?" - I'm trying to make mild inquiry. "At 2 PM." And the same thing used to be with other subjects. She wanted to occupy kitchen, take out my video player (hers was broken-down by her), and so on and so forth.
If you have got the impression that I grumbling about her you would be partly right. I used to ask her often: "Why should I yield to your cranky wishes?" Her answer is always the same:
- "Because I'm very busy."
- "Busy by what?"
- "It's my private business."
Yes, It's always her private affairs but why I must take it into consideration. This is something new to think that your private problems are the universal absolution. And I don't see any sense in her violent activity. Main part of her time she wastes on bathing, making up, shaping, dressing and dieting. After that she goes to night dancing clubs or walking with friends. It seems to me her main aiming is concentrating upon it. Any other problems she solves at odd moments.
I don't see she is eager in studying or getting job. She even is not on seeking for the husband. I think every man (male and female) must make his mind upon something. And her mind seems wholly dedicated for making up. I perfectly realize that beauty of human face depends on his thoughts, his breeding, individuality. No make up will make you agreeable person to others. And she has sufficiently pretty and young face to abandon cosmetics at all. By make up you only can show you make your mind for something.
I don't want to say she is unable to talk with guys kindly, I heard it, but in her usual time she can allow herself to use upon you ordinary style for speaking and behaving. I wonder for many years of my associating with my former acquaintance she had never relaxed and show yourself grumbling, whining, screeching and giving you pain in the neck. It is true it wasn't family life but such permanency in the goodness is very commendable and almost unreal.
I have a rum fancy - if you want to find interesting life's companion you must match him. You can't be drab and be striving for the best of opposite sex in the same time. Your exterior advantages will give you only temporary victory. It is true, men pay attention to good girlish legs but then they look upon your face and then they look into your eyes. The secret of pairs consists mainly on their propinquity. It was many said about love. I don't know. I think there is two states: first - being in love, second - unity of propinquity.
I know general effect when girls are bored with their fellows. I can give you the huge list of examples. There is a custom you can dedicate yourself to one girl. You can present her expensive gifts, pay her all your attention, but there is strong danger she could become bothered with you. I repeat I know shaming amount of cases on this topic. Once I was in the subway train and couldn't help overhearing the next dialog between two girls:
- "How is your new guy?"
- "I left him after while. He became a bother to me. And how is your recent guy, buy the way?"
- "I don't know. As usually."
And they were simple standard girls you will never pay attention in the mob to them. And here is another case: I stood in line for books in the library and listen next dialog between another two girls:
- "Could you catch him, that guy in the last party?"
- "No, I didn't. He is a weird. I wonder what parts of my body I forgot to demonstrate to interest him."
-"Listen, I am ready to believe he has wrong orientation."
The reason of this practice is simple to detect. As a rule to uninteresting girl only uninteresting fellow is going to apply. I don't want to ruminate upon men's psychology but it is possible many of them overestimating value of physical health forgetting about mental. But after some time many of them begin to seek a real girl. There are women who abhor such state of things but they are sure they can get respect from men by law and under compulsion. Such women call themselves feminists and fighters for women rights. But mind you, every one has already used his right to be loved when he was a baby. But if you want to receive a little bit extra - beg for it, don't ask.
One day I already talked about it but now I will use another comparison. If it's to common accordance that girls are like a cats, then let it will be purring ones. And talking about TV serials I don't know have you ever seen "Helen and Garsons" (Helen and Fellows) or not but I am sure you are acquainted with one or another of so-called "youth serials". What do I think about it? What is the worst of this serial? And the worst of these serials is that they are truthful.
But returning to my sister. I feel free to judge her on the terms of justice. I.e. her problems are her problems and her unwashed plates and dishes are hers - not mine. Any man of sound judgement must use his influence to prevent any one from his kin from any kind of mischief and to direct to the right way. In my circumstances it will look as the next:
1. Avoiding of washing and scrubbing others plates.
2. Continuous reprimanding of youngest about everything without any indulgence.
But today in the morning I suddenly realized she messed all my good intentions. I guess you remember I talked in one of my previous notes, she had photo of my dog on her desk. I never understood what the inner motives rule girls in their uninteresting lives. She never said to me any kind word. I can't say we have understanding. It is true, we listen the same music. But even in the music we have discordance. I like to listen hard-core and jungle from time to time and she like house, (to which I have no special liking), and Madonna, (whom I don't like at all).
But I must admit there are times when existence in the house of such being as the sister is very profitable. For example when she receiving guest of male sex there are times when they leave in the refrigerator something left from sweets. In this case any kind of sister's diet is loudly welcomed and from all point of views approved. But you must be careful about big girls meeting. Then you can observe some kind of scientific phenomena. Every partaking girl eats nothing considering her separately cause each one has some kind of diet (even the most gaunt of them) but merging them together at the table you become the eye-witness of unknown to any branch of science occurrence. In short - they will not leave you even bones. But sorry I swerved from the main stream of my narration. I'll continue:
As far back as ten years ago I still had influence upon her (my youngest sister). But after that time she became estranged to me. It was my own choice. Only I think there is no choice as a rule in life but this is the theme for thesis for a Doctor's degree, (words of my scientific consultant, which I used as ironical proverb). Do you know what a "street" is? - I don't know. I always shun the street by instinct. I perfectly realized - the questions of sex and questions of job are purely social questions. I.e. to have it you must be an active member of collective ("socium"). I want to discuss this but we are talking about my sister - not me. So about ten years ago I deliberately pushed her aside. She became to meet with girls and boys on the street.
They were manifold, some of them good and many of them - not. But I shut on this my eyes. I felt behind my level to have such company myself. As A.A. Milne, A.Berdyaev and other progressive intelligentsia I had a strong distaste to lavatory jokes. And that is what children (and soldier's) conception of humor is. (But if you want you may try to call it "spicy stories"). But I had no alternative as concerns to her. I saw she had no allergy for such companies and her wish to be with somebody who was on her age was great. Otherwise I would get an exact copy of myself but more young and of opposite sex - a creature with ultimate fastidious requirements and without any wish to face with real life. I know I had propensity to such lonely life from the start but she was the different. Of course I could teach her something and inculcate in her my mental system but it would be too callous to her. And by the way lets try this time another way just for diversity.
And I even envy her sometimes. I never had friends in my flat for long. But she all these last years keeps flock of her girlfriends nearly every evening. I always thought that people on the eve of 20 years become fledged and you can trust them even such thing as latch-key. In this age, (I guessed), people become seeking for their intended and forgot about friends. But with my sister this is the different. If you come in her room, (in her presence), you can easily find one or two additional girls on the age of 20. What makes them to stay with such uninteresting girl as my sister I can't fathom. I can make only one reasonable supposition: all they have intention to render scenes from their favorite youth serial as real personages.
And what a strange thing! When I watch football match you can turn to the other channel easily, (At least it seems to me such thing now), but just try to turn from one of her innumberables serials! I bet she will be going to commit mayhem on your guilty, to the marrow of bones, person.
And what a pest she is! I pushed her aside ten years ago. Owing to this fact and my mental will, she has now plenty of friends (guys and dolls). And I think she could think about her oldest brother someday and his future and to find him some very nice girl. Yes, it's her turn to stretch a hand of help now.
But let us to return in present time to the morning of day 24.march.99. So, the strange and unaccountable things ruffled my mind when I came in her room (in her absence). On the place when photo of my dog had stood there was my own photo with her. And it was one of my best photos, (and she looked worse then I on it). On that photo you can see rich tinges of colors and profound expression upon my face. It is true I bent my head to cut a pie and you are unable to see in that moment my face itself but my hair with rich brown tint and foppish leather vest, (sneaked on the occasion by me from my sister), (I wonder how it was almost fit me), made whole view of me magnificently attractive.
When I looked at it I was taken aback for a while. Probably it was her dress cut, which she discussed with her girlfriends on this photo last evening and afterwards she (on her habit) didn't put it on the place, I don't know. But the fact still lingers to be the fact. And this fact of course hinders promotion into the life my clever principle's system, consisted of items 1. and 2. (see above). So I hope the pic. will be removed in the near future. By the way these girls are always ready in one way or another to amaze you and disarm you from all your impeccable logic.
PS Errr. But talking about stretching a hand with help, she must hurry up, I am getting older faster and faster.