Dialogues
It should be the sequel of Stare but I'm conscious about file size and decided do form it into separate note. If you read Stare you know that my old acquaintance couldn't be called as wholly unique creature. But she differs from others. Her main feature is that I paid attention to her and she paid attention to me.
You already know that my mental process limited generally by thinking of her. Naturally if I thought about her strongly I would make attempts to do something about it. Now I want to give you some examples of my thoughts, (it's a talk with myself so word "you" is purely figurative term):
- Is there any girl about whom I cared?
- Mmmm Yes, that girl I remember.
- Do you want to meet her?
- But what can I propose to her? Youth and energy? - No.
- How about voyage and repose together?
- Good idea but very difficult to fulfil. I already wrote about it in one of my notes. There aren't any guarantees that whole business works smoothly. Even more - I can give guarantees that this thing would failure at all.
- Ok. But you need some reason to meet with she, don't you? Suppose tender feelings?
- How could I feel tender feelings to a girl, which I see once or twice in year? I can feel whole diapason of feelings towards her.
- So it should be a gift to her. Am I right?
- By gosh! Yes, I would present her very expensive gift. She would be pleased and after that ....
- What after that? You already gifted her more than it and what? She can take it but she need good salary, good perspectives and loyalty from your part and you don't want to work, isn't it?
- Errr May be I'm a little bit lazy about seeking for the job but I'm a little bit lazy about seeking less pretentious girl too. I guess precious gift will give me her favor for a time.
- Ok Ok. But are you not a fool in presenting it? Take for example your sister. What is she doing to you? Did she anything to you? On her own will she would never cook you a single meal. Is that true?
- Yes but what the connection with ...
- And what will your old acquaintance make to you? She could be grateful, (by words, by mimics and gestures). But really will it do justice? (And you like justice enormously).
- But wait, you are right. Now I don't want to give her anything.
- Let us see where we are. Do you still want to meet her?
- Yes.
- Under what pretext?
- I guess it would work with catalyst.
- What do you mean?
- Now look. I can imagine that I will present her the most precious thing and when we meet everything will go as smoothly as possible but after that I will be able to forget about my intention to gift anything. - Clever?
- Undoubtedly.
***
Now I feel obliged to explain you whole idea with catalyst, (if you don't know chemistry). Catalyst is the thing, which helps but not changing. (Hey, look at clever thought - ANY THING, (except catalyst), CHANGES WHEN IT HELPS).
Concerning that catalyst I can retell the fable told me by that chemistry teacher, (see my notes). There were two brothers and 11 camels as legacy and they were unable to divide it in righteous way. They asked one sage and he said: "Ok, take my own camel and divide them." When they had done so he claimed: "And now give me back my camel." The same thing happens with catalyst - you just append it and afterwards remove it.
My advice how don't be afraid of very beautiful girl: Try to think that she has a flaw, one tiny not crucial but flaw. If she hasn't it, just imagine it. After that you can make acquaintance easily. When you shot your bolt, (luckily or unluckily, doesn't matter), you can remove this flaw if it was imaginative or forget real one. Cool isn't it?
Remark: Some people advising to think about girls bad - this is malpractice, because in that case you are in danger to abandon your original intention. Anti-aesthetes says: "Think about girls dirty and then force himself do to them dirty things" - This is very bad to listen such things. With my technique you can think about girls good and do them good, (of course you need my catalyst, - our life isn't so fairy some time).
***
- I guess you still want to present her something. May be it would be your notes?
- No, definitely not. We have different tastes. I don't want to be a bore to her.
- Suppose you present her something but just imagine how many girls, real kind girls ready to be a good wives without preconditions will be left without it. Where is the justice?
- Guess you're right but I should seek for them and test them and all it's a little bit trying.
-
Are you lazy? And many people thought you are scared of girls.- Well, I don't see much difference between scare and laziness. I say I scare to work for nothing. I can't work without solid motivation. Some people seek for sense in life. I have many conjectures about it. But to work for one girl and she would be revealed one day as nonentity this is the cause for my laziness and reluctance to begin anew.
- Are there nonentities between girls?
- Yes of course. Every man is apt to think about women as of the most ingratitude creatures. And I think when you are ungrateful to anything you are nonentity. (Rum thing but many girls think that men are pigs and pig is the symbol of ingratitude, but probably they choose only pigs and we choose only bitches?)
- You are angry and do you know what of? You know that there are good girls who aren't nonentities and they even aren't ugly spinsters. You are just crazy that you are too lazy to work to reach something in this world.
- I'm not lazy I'm too fastidious, too finicky about lie. 90% of "work" consists of "L.O.L." I've seen how men doing hundred thousands dollars. They weren't criminals with guns they weren't too clever. It's true without any brain you unable to do anything. But the only thought of continual pretending conveys me the wish to make me scarce. I have such opportunity even now, theoretically it appears as the next. I should, (theoretically), make decomposition for conception of project of managing system of one of Russian monopolies. I.e. there is such thing as Gazprom, one of the largest oil and gas companies in the world. They want to make automatic managing system. For this purpose they invited system integrator IBS, (you can look at them at www.ibs.ru), and one of contractors of them am I. So you see I should create model for project with capital of many hundred millions dollars. Top managers from IBS shook my hand warmly, gave me their visit cards and documentation about Gazprom managing structure. By the way did you hear about problem 2000 in oil companies? I could easily join that project. It's true it should be purely scientific work but smart people deserve respect and then get good jobs. Does it suit me? -No, it doesn't. I know it could be reached through the much sweat and a lot of lies.
- Hey, hey. You can lie. You just afraid that your lying would be futile, and more than it, every one would be laughing at you. YOU ARE AFRAID OF LAUGH. Even with that present you aren't afraid of wasting money you are afraid of inner mocking from her part. You are afraid she would say to herself: "Little fool, you would have a far better investment then in wasting it in other's well-being and happiness." But may you wish to a girl a good with other man?
- You beat me again. I am afraid of evaluation from mob, which I can not respect. I hate to feel myself incongruous. The most incongruous thing is to try to make to somebody good, (especially to a girl), when they don't need it, don't want it, despise it and laugh at it. This is the worst thing in the world, (after treachery, but I haven't friends so you can say this is the worst thing ok). By the way it is she who didn't laughed at me, and it is she who able to give me glimpses of sense in the world. But talking about the worst thing, look at it -
I even can give you one example. When I was in subway and was directing to escalator I discerned in the mob blind man. I was afraid he would stumble on the first steps of escalator so I hastened to help him. I considered him as 100% blind because he had black glasses and incessantly prodded by his stick ahead himself. So naturally I tried to take him by the elbow and give him right way. What was my amazement and chagrin when he imperviously pushed me off and began easily jump from one step to other to the top of escalator. If I was able to reach him and if there wasn't that silly mob I would break him neck with much pleasure.
PS - You want to say you counted beautiful girls as one sort of cripples? ;-)