ACT ONE FADE IN: INT. ANDROID'S DUNGEON - FRIDAY AFTERNOON BART & MILHOUSE stare brightly at some cardboard cartoon stand-ups. Milhouse hides behind one. MILHOUSE (in a deep heroic voice) Release all the hostages, Dr. Nohand, and then we'll talk about that sandwich you asked for. Milhouse RUNS to the back of Dr. Nohand, laughing on his way over. MILHOUSE (Dr. nohand) No deal Spandex Pants! I don't need a sandwich when I've got delicious children to nourish my appetite of unspeakable evil. Milhouse looks out from behind the cardboard. MILHOUSE You know, Bart, it's a lot more fun if you'd join in. Bart looks bored. He shrugs his shoulders, and walks over to one of the display counters. INSIDE DISPLAY CASE - LOOKING UP Bart enters the frame and looks into the case. His eyes widen as he sees something. A soft yellow glow falls on his face. He puts his face to the glass, and his nose gets squished against it. Bart is in awe. BART I can't believe it. Hey Milhouse, come here, quick. You've gotta see this. MILHOUSE (O.S.) What is it Bart? Is it one of those naughty chess boards I keep hearing about? BART Just come here, QUICK! Milhouse RUNS to the case, and enters the frame. He presses his face next to Bart's. Milhouse is in awe as well. MILHOUSE Wow! Is that what I think it is? Bart nods his head "yes." MILHOUSE It's beautiful. Bart nods his head "yes" again. PREVIOUS SHOT - STORE Bart & Milhouse have their backs to the camera. The CBG walks in from the back room. He is eating a doughnut. CBG looks annoyed. CBG Ah ah, there is to be no leaning on, pawing of, or saliva dripping onto the display case, please. Because of my somewhat exaggerated allergies to all known household products, I am motivated to clean the glass BUT once a week. CBG And in light of the fact that I enjoy having you candy-sweetened breaths fogging up the display of my intensely overpriced merchandise, I am going to have to ask you to take your business elsewhere. BART & MILHOUSE Why? CBG sighs. CBG It seems that the 30 seconds I purchased on channel ninety-two has proved to be inadequate. For this entire weekend has been dedicated to the Bettie Page meets Spiderman crossover comic series. Since it deals with Peter Parker's more than obvious obsession with domineering women, it is not for the likes of two ten year- old children. He starts to walk into the back room. CBG Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get Ms. Page ready for her signing session. Bart turns to Milhouse. BART This bites! Come on, Milhouse, let's go to the one place where ostracized kids and giant rats can live in peace, the sewers! I found a condemned drainage pipe we can crawl through. We may need to grease ourselves up with some butter first, though. Bart & Milhouse walk out of the store, but we hold on the scene. CBG can be seen in the back room with a black wig on, and quickly applying lipstick. He is dressing himself as Ms. Page. EXT. ANDROID'S DUNGEON - MOMENTS LATER Bart & Milhouse are standing in the doorway, rubbing sticks of butter on their arms and legs. JASPER & ABE walk up to the store. Jasper is carrying a bouquet of flowers. We follow them as they enter the store. JASPER That Bettie Page is one saucy dame. I hope she likes the flowers. Abe is exasperated. ABE Bah, Spiderman, what a phony. Why I was spinning webs and scaling buildings in my underwear back in the days of the depression. BACK TO BART & MILHOUSE MILHOUSE Bart, if we're going to play in the sewers, I should go to my house and get some food. My mom said that the delivery man doesn't like it when I'm home, so I'm not allowed to be back before supper time. Plus we really should bring something for the rats. Bart smiles. BART Oh yeah, they'll probably want to gnaw on something soft. As they get ready to go, a black stretch limo DRIVES past with some techno music PLAYING, and hundreds of pieces of paper flying around. Bart & Milhouse look at each other, questioning. BART'S P.O.V A giant crowd of young girls is heading straight for them. There is a thick dust cloud surrounding the group. PREVIOUS SHOT Bart & Milhouse have to dive back into the doorway to avoid being trampled by the girls. BART Hey man, smells like a preteen oriented promotional gimmick. A piece of paper flies into Bart's face. He peels it off and takes a look. CU OF PAPER The paper shows a picture of a shirtless teenage boy with big hair. There is a caption at the top that says: HEY GIRLS, WIN A DREAM DATE WITH ME, COREY! PREVIOUS SHOT Milhouse is star struck. BART Dream date indeed. We'll see about that. Bart laughs, and takes a pen out of his pocket. He writes his name on the dotted line. INT. MOE'S BAR - MOMENTS LATER FROM INSIDE LOOKING OUT OPEN DOOR The limo drives by. The crowd of girls is still following close behind. MOE is behind the bar, cleaning a glass. MOE Looks like some hot-shot movie star's comin' through town. Ah, a movie star, that'd be the life. Crackers and cheese eight times a day, no more girls slappin' ya in the face when ya try and talk to 'em. I'm tellin' ya Barn, I could really get used to being treated with respect and all. BARNEY Yeah, but you get over it. Barney brings up a lava lamp from under the counter, opens the top, and CHUGS it's contents. He lets out a triumphant BELCH. IN ANOTHER PART OF BAR CAPTAIN MCALISTER and some SAILORS are at a table drinking beer. Three SAILORS come out of the washroom. Two of them are holding the third up. He's obviously drunk. SAILOR #3 What shall we do with him captain? CPT. MCALISTER Arrgh, soak him in oil 'till he sprouts a flipper. Sailor #1 points to another drunken sailor who's passed out at a table. SAILOR #1 And him? CPT. MCALISTER Shave his belly with a rusty razor. SAILOR #3 With pleasure sir. EXT. PARK - DAY LISA & JANIE are sitting on a bench sharing a copy of TEEN STEAM. Lisa turns the page. LISA Look, it's Zach. His hobbies include conducting experiments in electromagnetism and helping the homeless. Janie points to another boy. JANIE And there's Enrique. He helped fundraise to save the giant Redwoods in California. Lisa turns the page and her expression melts. LISA And the cutest of them all, Bobby T. His favorite party drink is Coca-Cola, and anything non-alcoholic. LISA & JANIE Wow! The limo drives by, and they both look up. The BG is black, and there is BATMAN type music, as a spinning newspaper gets closer to the camera. There is a bold headline at the top. TEEN HEARTTHROB TO COME TO TOWN In the bottom right corner is another, smaller headline. "Dog speaks in Slavic after tongue transplant," says owner. INT. SIMPSON LIVING ROOM - AFTERNOON KENT BROCKMAN is finishing his commentary for the news. KENT With the bank account of a teen-aged Michael Jackson, and the good looks of a modern-day Donny Osmand, teen idol Corey Masterson is well on his way to becoming as big as sliced bread. KENT His popularity among women both young and old, continues to skyrocket straight towards the cosmos. Although still remains quite grounded with bakers and bread distributors, who vow to do whatever it takes to keep their product at the top. THE COUCH HOMER & Lisa are watching Kent's report. Lisa looks extremely happy. LISA Oh, I know it's extremely unhealthy to idolize such a one dimensional character, who symbolizes the superficial ideals of our society and it's obsession with looks, but he's just soooo cute. Homer looks sympathetic. HOMER Lisa, I think it's time your daddy told you the story of Beauty And The Beast. Lisa rolls her eyes. LISA Dad, I know the story of Beauty And The Beast. HOMER Ah ah ah, it's about this very beautiful woman---I think her name was Sue---who decides to go to this traveling freak show that's come to her town. There, she meets this really stinky, ugly, half- man half gorrilla creature---he's the beast---and . . . Something on TV catches Homer's eye. TV ANNOUNCER (O.S.) Coming up next, watch some guy bunjy jump from the Golden Gate Bridge while riding his BMX bike, naked and on fire. On Fox's "Drunken Bets Taken Seriously." Homer keeps his eyes to the TV. HOMER . . . and then the prince kissed her, she woke up, and they all lived happily ever after. I hope you learned a valuable lesson today honey. LISA I---I guess so. TWO WEEKS LATER Another spinning newspaper. COREY MASTERSON TO ARRIVE AT NOON Again there is another, smaller headline at the bottom. 22 killed in ax slaying. Police blame the victims. INT. SIMPSON HOUSE - LISA'S ROOM - MORNING Lisa is sitting in her room, alone. She looks depressed. Suddenly, COREY BURSTS into her room riding a motorcycle. He's shirtless, of course. He stands up on his bike, and does a back flip off just before it CRASHES through her window. He lands on his knees in front of her, quickly checks his hair in her mirror, and giver her a smile. He speaks in a deep, manly voice. COREY Lisa, my love, I must have you. Although I'm twice your age, and I haven't even heard a single word that's come out of your beautiful mouth, I know in my heart that we were truly meant to be. Together, we can rule this town as husband and wife. GIRLS (O.S.) He's here, he's here! It's Corey. Lisa is rudely pulled out of her fantasy. She RUNS to her window. LISA'S P.O.V There is a big crowd of girls gathered. Corey's limo turns the corner onto Evergreen Terr. Everyone is silent. The tinted windows are all rolled up, Corey is nowhere to be found. Then, a window ROLLS down, and an arm, (not necessarily Corey's) pokes out, and gives three waves, then disappears. EXT. EVERGREEN TERR. - CONTINUOUS The crowd goes nuts. They're all SANPPING pictures, SCREAMING and fainting. The limo SPEEDS up, and turns the corner. Corey never shows his face. INT. SIMPSON LIVING ROOM - EVENING Bart & Homer sit on the couch, watching TV. Homer is drinking a Duff. Bart sulks at the other end of the couch, not paying attention. THE TV ANNOUNCER We now return to the 1986 classic "Death Carries A Can Of Beer." Starring Mexican singing sensation El Fernando, Gary Cole- man, and The A-Team's John "Hannibal" Smith, George Peppard, as Police Chief Douglas Duggler. BEHIND TV - ANGLE ON BART & HOMER Bart MOANS. BART Oh, why do we have to watch this sham of a movie? It's clearly a pathetic duplication of McBain's number one blockbuster "Take A Look At Your Lungs." Homer SIPS his beer. HOMER Quiet boy, I can't hear the machine gun. Bart rolls his eyes, and sinks deeper into the couch. THE TV The scene shows EL FERNANDO and his son PEDRO in the room of a motel. El Fernando has a can of beer in his hand. EL FERNANDO Pedro, have you been drinking my beer again? Pedro looks at the floor. PEDRO No! EL FERNANDO Now don't lie to me son. We're on the run from the Fuzz, and that's all the beer I have left from that liquor store we knocked off. Now we've talked about this before, and nothing seems to have worked. There's only one thing that I can think of left to do, and that's for me to buy you your own case of beer. Then maybe you'll learn to take better care of something that's yours. PREVIOUS SHOT HOMER (SOTTO) Oh, I wish my dad had given me more beer when I was a kid. All he gave me was his stupid genes, and they don't even fit anymore. Lisa & MARGE enter the living room. Lisa is excited. LISA Quick dad, turn it to channel five. They're about to draw the name in the "Win A Date With Corey" contest. Oh, I've been waiting for this moment all my life. Bart brightens up. BART That's right, I almost forgot. Lisa fumes. LISA Bart, you didn't enter this contest, did you? Bart smiles. BART I sure did! (with a mocking tone) Oooh, Corey's such a dream package. Imagine if I won a date with him. ENTER DAYDREAM Bart imagines his date with the teen idol. They sit at a table with candles and violins PLAYING. Bart is wearing a long blond wig, red lipstick, and big black eyelashes. Corey POURS him a glass of wine, and takes his hand. He looks deep into Bart's eyes. COREY Bartina, you're the heppist chick this Berg's ever known. What say we jam into my limo, and leave this world behind? He flashes a big, white-toothed smile. Bart BATS his eyelashes. BARTINA I'm all yours sugar. COREY Boss! END DAYDREAM Bart LAUGHS hysterically. LISA Mom, That's not fair! Marge walks to the TV, and changes the channel. MARGE Lisa, I think everyone gets a chance to enter. ON TV - PAN IN TROY MCLURE is standing in front of a big drum, holding a microphone. TROY Hi, I'm actor Troy Mclure. You might remember me from such public contest drawings as "Spend A Week With Jimmy Mule," and "Ten Fabulous Days Underwater." TROY Tonight, I'm coming to you live from the newly renovated Springfield Detox center, where teen heartthrob Corey Masterson has made a stop-over while on tour to promote his new fragrance "Stable Boy Sweat." As part of his philosophy of nurturing the unrealistic hopes of young girls across the country, Corey has agreed to take one lucky girl on an all-expense paid fantasy date at Springfield's own celebrity eatery "Planet Hype." Who will be the winner? Only the big drum knows for sure. COREY himself steps up to make the draw. He slowly puts his arm into the drum, flashing a painted smile. There's a long drum ROLL, and everyone is silent. PREVIOUS SHOT Lisa calls out to Corey in her mind. LISA Open your mind Corey . . . open your mind . . . open your mind. THE TV Corey pulls his arm out, and UNFOLDS the paper. INT. JANIE'S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS Janie is sitting in front of her TV. She has her fingers crossed. JANIE Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease! INT. MILHOUSE'S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS Milhouse is doing the exact same thing. MILHOUSE Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease! INT. RALPH'S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS RALPH is sitting on his couch, watching another show all together. RALPH'S TV (V.O.) Kids . . . can . . . rock . . . and . . . roll! INT. KRUSTY'S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS KRUSTY & SIDE SHOW MEL are watching the draw as well. Krusty is really mad. KRUSTY That Corey Schmuck is gonna ruin my Saturday morning audience. Mel, see if you can get someone to work him over. Let's see that Pretty Boy try and go on a date when he's in a full body cast. INT. SIMPSON HOUSE - CONTINUOUS Lisa still has her eyes closed. CU OF LISA'S FACE A single drop of sweat rolls down the side of her face. THE TV Corey CLEARS his throat, and reads the name of the winner blankly. COREY The winner is . . . Lisa Simpson. PREVIOUS SHOT Lisa hears her name, and it ECHOES in her mind. She passes out. Bart HITS his fist on the side of the couch. BART Damn that blasted drum! INT. JANIE'S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS Janie shakes her fists at her TV. INT. MILHOUSE'S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS Milhouse is also upset that he didn't win. In fact, he's CRYING. INT. RALPH'S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS Ralph is still watching his other show. RALPH'S TV . . . and I'm P.J Styles. THE TV TROY (LAUGHING) Congratulations little girl. But the fun doesn't stop here. According to state by-law #115, and to avoid any preteen riots which may occur, contest rules require there to be a (chuckles) consolation prize. Since Corey's already left for his motor lodge, the fabulous Troy will do the honors. Troy rolls up his sleeve, and pulls out another name. He looks into the camera. TROY Bart Simpson, you're Saturday will be spent at the Springfield Coliseum, where you and one parent will be attending Reverend Connie S. Tupperman's Rockin' Religious Rendezvous, and Super Scripture Breakdown. A man comes up to troy, and WHISPERS in his ear. TROY Oh, and I've just been informed, they'll be giving away free fish for the first five thousand in the door. So don't forget your filet knife. PREVIOUS SHOT Homer perks up when he hears about the fish. HOMER Woohoo! No more hanging out at the docks for me! Bart GROANS, and hangs his head. MARGE Doesn't it seem a little strange that our children are always winning these types of contests all the time? (with a suspicious tone in her voice) You know, sometimes it feels like our family is being documented. Marge looks into the camera and frowns. HOMER What are you talking about Marge? I didn't win anything. I never win anything. MARGE Well honey, you might have had a chance to win this date with Corey, but you forgot to mail in your entry forms. Marge points to a large pile of forms on the TV tray. CU OF TV TRAY All of the forms have Homer's name written on them. Homer SLAPS his hand to his forehead. HOMER (annoyed grunt) Lisa is still off in her own world. LISA Oh yes, Corey, yes. I do. END ACT ONE - ACT TWO FADE IN: INT. SIMPSON HOUSE - KITCHEN - MORNING We enter the scene as MARGE is in mid conversation with HOMER. MARGE . . . and the other day I saw her at the Supermarket, and she told me all about how her new boyfriend has lost all his will to work. She said that all he does is sit around the house reading Playdude and eating corn all day. It's so sad. Homer looks lustful. HOMER Ummm, cornography! Marge ignores him. MARGE So Lisa, do you have you thought about what you'll wear tonight? LISA pulls a saucy number from under the table. LISA I think I'll go with the low-cut, strapless look. Marge frowns. MARGE Well honey, maybe you should dress a little more age appropriate. I know, why don't you try on the outfit I wore when I was in the 4H club? A thought bubble appears over Lisa's head as she imagines herself wearing a pair of blue overalls, a straw hat, and a piece of hay sticking out of her mouth. LISA Um, I don't think so mom. MARGE I won first prize in the hog slopping contest. Homer looks up from his breakfast. HOMER Ummm, hog slo . . . Marge cuts him off. MARGE Oh Homer, once a week is enough. By the way, don't you have to go find Bart? You two have that little rally to go to in . . . ah, five hours? Homer perks up. HOMER Oooh, that's right, I better get in gear. Homer gets up and RUNS out of the door. He has neglected to put on his pants though. BEAT HOMER (O.S.) Marge, where are my . . . MARGE Just a minute Homer. We stay with Lisa as Marge gets up to get Homer some pants. The camera moves in past her while she stares off into nothing, and up towards the clock hanging on the wall. The time is 1:00 pm. MONTAGE - TO "ALL I HAVE TO DO IS DREAM YOU" INT. SIMPSON HOUSE - LISA'S ROOM - CONTINUOUS CUT #1: Lisa and Marge are in her room trying on some dresses. Lisa walks out of the closet sporting her first dress with a grin. It's pretty revealing, and Marge shakes her head "no." Lisa walks away dejected. CUT #2: Marge holds up a dress in a protective plastic. Lisa goes into the closet and tries it on. She comes out a second later wearing a white cat suit with red trim. It looks like it came straight out of the 80's. She's wearing matching elbow-length white gloves and a red hat. Marge likes it, but Lisa is not impressed. We move in past the two and up to Lisa's Happy Little Elves clock. The time is now 3:00. CUT #3: Lisa & Marge have agreed on an appropriate dress; a black cocktail dress with a red bow in her hair. Marge is fixing the bow and brushing Lisa's hair. Lisa is staring at something O.S. We tighten on her face while she daydreams. Then we switch to Lisa's P.O.V to discover her looking at her Corey poster. The camera begins to tighten on this as the music fades away. The clock is now at 5:00, the date is at 6:00. Lisa is excited. LISA Oh this is all so magical. This must've been what it felt like for Anne Boleyn when she heard she was to be married to King Henry VIII. Marge looks worried. MARGE Remember honey, this is just a fantasy date. Fantasies are fine and dandy on lazy Saturdays when all the chores have been done, but if they start becoming a regular routine, they could end up running off and leaving your husban---oh---I--- ah----what I'm trying to say is to just enjoy yourself and not to take it too seriously. Okay? A Car horn HONKS O.S. The limo has come to pick up Lisa for her date, but it seems to be a little early. EXT. SIMPSON HOUSE - MOMENTS LATER Marge & Lisa are standing in the doorway. LISA Okay mom, I'll try not to get my hopes up too much, but I did want to mention to you that my horoscope, although quite cryptically, said something about there being change in my life. Even though the school cafeteria did switch to using real catsup yesterday, I'm sure I'm allowed two changes within the same week. They hug. MARGE You just have a good time. With the limo horn still BLARING, Lisa quickly runs to the car and is greeted by a long-faced, grey- haired LIMO DRIVER. He opens the door for her, and she gets in. INT. LIMO - MOMENTS LATER Lisa discovers she is alone in the back seat. The tinted window into the front is up. She knocks on it. The glass ROLLS down. LISA Um, excuse me sir, but where's Corey? He looks around. LIMO DRIVER You know little girl, that's a darn good question. As far as I can recall, master Corey was in the very spot you're sitting in right now. A lovely Asian executive in each arm, and a hot banana split resting comfortably on his groin. If he ain't back there, you might want to check the cracks of the seat cushions, that's where all my pocket change has been disappearing to lately. I'll go check under the hood for him, I've heard they'll sometimes crawl in there looking for warmth, and wedge themselves under the engine block. Lisa LAUGHS nervously. LISA I don't think that's necessary, I'm sure he'll be waiting for me at the restaurant. So, how long exactly have you been driving for Corey? He scratches his head. LIMO DRIVER Well, as far as this old noggin goes back, I'd have to say since the day his mother and I brought the little scamp home from the hospital. LISA You're Corey's father? LIMO DRIVER Yeah, I guess I am. Well, off we go. Lisa LAUGHS nervously again as the limo pulls away. INT. NOISELAND ARCADE - CONTINUOUS BART & MILHOUSE are playing a two-man video game called SUPER AMPUTEE BROS. Bart's player is using his prosthetic leg to beat a gang member who's wearing a leather jacket, and swinging a chain. Milhouse's guy is busy with an orderly who's wearing a white coat. They are fighting in the parking lot of a hospital. During the game, an old lady tries to walk by the screen, and Bart's player knocks her to the pavement. Bart HITS buttons furiously. BART Quick Milhouse, grab her Handy Walker man. Grab it now! MILHOUSE I can't, Bart! I lost my other arm when I was fighting with the insane administra- tor! THE VIDEO GAME Milhouse's player is attacked from behind by two hospital men. He FALLS to the ground, immobile. PREVIOUS SHOT MILHOUSE Oh no, I've been sedated! I can't move! BART Hang in there Milhouse, I'm coming to get you. Milhouse is dejected. MILHOUSE There's no point, it's game over. Game over man. MILHOUSE What are we gonna do now, huh? What are we gonna do? Milhouse walks out of the frame and we follow him as he turns a corner. The scene is exactly like Terminator 2. MILHOUSE'S P.O.V He spots Homer at the entrance of the arcade showing SHERRY & TERRY a picture of Bart. HOMER Have you seen this boy? Sherry & Terry shake their heads "no." Milhouse runs back to Bart. MILHOUSE Hey Bart, you dad's scoping for you dude. Check it out. Bart looks over his shoulder and sees Homer talking with RALPH. Ralph is pointing in his direction. HOMER'S P.O.V RALPH My dog's tail is this long. PREVIOUS SHOT Bart gets up and makes a run for it. Start dramatic Terminator 2 chase music. INT. SERVICE CORRIDOR - MOMENTS LATER Bart emerges from a door in the middle of the long white hallway. He does a double take and starts RUNNING. The scene switches to SLOW MOTION as Bart sees Homer turn the corner in front of him. Homer has a blank, glazed-over look on his face. Bart SLIDES to a stop, and starts RUNNING in the other direction to a set of doors marked EXIT. He glances behind him to see if Homer's still there, and BUMPS into someone. BART'S P.O.V - PANNING UP He's surprised to see Homer standing in front of him. Somehow he's managed to be at the other end of the hallway. Again, Homer looks like he's staring through Bart. He has that non-blinking, spacy look. Homer blinks and comes back to normal. HOMER Oh, there you are. (he pauses) Okay boy, it's time to meet your maker . . . E.C.U OF HOMER'S EYES HOMER (V.O.) and go get some fish! PREVIOUS SHOT Homer puts his arm around his son as they start walking down the hall towards another set of closed doors. There is a bright light emanating from behind the doors, casting their shadows down the hall. Angelic music is PLAYING. PREVIOUS SHOT - ARCADE TIGHT ON BART - WALKING BART I guess you're right dad. Maybe it's time I started owning up to my respons- ibilities. You know, acting like more of an adult. We PULL back from the tight shot to find Bart walking out of the arcade by himself. Bart's angry. BART Hey! The camera SWINGS back into the arcade to reveal Homer playing a video game. Homer LAUGHS. EXT. SPRINGFIELD COLISEUM - NIGHT Homer & Bart arrive at the rally. They walk past a line of CHARACTERS hawking their merchandise. GUY #1 Locusts, I got locusts here! Straight out of the Old Testament, and by the jar- full. Let 'em loose in your neighborhood just like Moses in the book of Exodus. GUY #2 Genuine Sodom salt pillar. Formerly the wife of a guy named Lot. One hundred bucks solid, or five bucks per chunky bag! GUY #3 Bibles, get yer red hot bibles! Only three hundred million left in print! Homer RUNS up to the vendor. HOMER I'll take three please. He walks away from the booth and starts to FLIP through one of them. HOMER Wait a minute, these aren't bibles, they're TV guides. He turns back to the booth, but th guy is long gone. INT. SPRINGFIELD COLISEUM - MOMENTS LATER Bart & Homer find their seats. The whole place is packed. Bart looks desperate. He pleads with Homer. BART Come on, Homer, let's get out of here, this is bullweavel. I can feel evil's seductive grip loosening. HOMER Just hold on boy! As soon as this thing's over, we'll go steal some blankets from homeless people. BART Now you're talking! NED (O.S.) Well if God didn't give little duckies webbed feet, if it isn't Homer Simpson and son. HOMER'S P.O.V Flanders is standing in the aisle with ROD & TODD. ROD & TODD Praise the Lord! PREVIOUS SHOT Homer frowns. HOMER Hey Flanders, come to kiss God's butt some more eh? NED Well sir, there's nothing wrong with scrubbing the Lord's back with the extra soft loofah sponge, if you know what I mean. But the truth is, the boys and I just can't get enough of Reverend Tupperman and his Incredible Israelite Acrobatics team. Why we've been to every one of his shows in this state, even that one that got broken up by those rowdy Promise Keepers. HOMER Yeah, well I guess you don't need to be here. After all, you're not the one who's been rootin' through the church garbage bins after every service. He averts his eyes and LAUGHS nervously. HOMER That's one mystery we won't be solving any time soon. The lights in the arena dim. Flanders and sons quickly takes their seats. An ANNOUNCER starts talking in a deep, impressive voice. ANNOUNCER In the beginning, the Earth was without form, and covered in darkness. And then God said "Let there be light!" There is a barrage of cheesy LASERS and lights. Two giant pillars of fire SHOOT into the air at each side of the stage. Classical music starts PLAYING. It's Beethoven's 9th, choral section. The red curtain at the front of the stage parts like the red sea, and out comes the Rev. all pumped. He's wearing flashy pants, a Hawaiian shirt, a big golden cross on a chain, and sunglasses. The audience goes nuts. The whole thing is like a rock concert. Bart starts to pay attention. HOMER Bore---ing! BART I don't know dad, maybe we should give this thing half a chance. Homer BLOWS a raspberry. HOMER Well you can, but as the bible says, and I quote "he who has many fish is mightily blessed." So you see son, a higher power is at work here. Homer RUNS off to get his fish. EXT. PLANET HYPE - NIGHT Lisa and the limo arrive outside Planet Hype. There is a huge crowd of fans and paparazzi waiting to see Corey. Everyone is SCREAMING. The driver gets out and OPENS Lisa's door. Flash bulbs SNAP like crazy. Lisa steps out, grinning from ear to ear. C.U OF LISA'S FACE LISA'S MIND I'm a stranger in a strange land. PREVIOUS SHOT A moment passes before the crowd notices that Lisa's alone. The CHEERING and PICTURES suddenly die down. Someone in the mob says "hey, where's Corey?" Another person states "what a rip-off." There is silence. Lisa looks uncomfortable. Then a GUY with his hat on backwards and a camera around his neck comes RUNNING up. GUY Hey everyone, look across the street. Alan Thicke is kissing a llama! Everyone RUNS off, all excited. Lisa is left standing by herself. She walks into the restaurant. INT. PLANET HYPE - MOMENTS LATER She walks up to the snooty maitre'd. LISA Um, I'm Lisa Simpson, the contest winner. Is Corey here? MAITRE'D Ah yes. Mr. Corey had some business to take care of, so he should be along shortly. In the mean time, feel free to gaze vapidly at our intriguing, yet useless collection of Hollywood memorabilia, most of which was stolen by our network of obsessed fans. Lisa forgets her troubles for the moment, and starts to walk around. There are a bunch of display cases along the walls with various treasures in them. OTTO then comes out of the bathroom, wiping his hands on his pants. OTTO Yo, Lisa. Boy, you look pretty classy tonight. Who died, the President? LISA Not that I know of. I'm sort of on a date type thing. What are you doing here? OTTO Well, the bank foreclosed on my bachelor pad again, so the owner here said I could sleep in the food prep. kitchen if I got rid of their rat problem. How could I say no! Just then, a rat SQUEAKS from somewhere on the ground. Otto tenses. Then, a big grey blob SCURRIES across the floor, and Otto dives for it. The rat gets away. OTTO Clever girl. He gets up off the floor. OTTO Come on Lisa, lets' take a tour. They come to a case with a toilet in it. Otto bends down and reads the little plaque. OTTO Hey man, this was the toilet that Elvis died on. OTTO It says here that Pricilla put up quite a fight to keep it. LISA Wow! Next, they come to a case with a bathtub. LISA Ohh, it's Errol Flynn's bathtub. She takes a closer look. LISA But it seems to be missing a piece. OTTO For all we know, some cabby in New York could have it. Next they come to a case with a mummy. Lisa & Otto look confused. Lisa stops one of the EMPLOYEES. LISA Excuse me, sir, is this Boris Karloff's costume from his mummy movie? EMPLOYEE Actually, that's the mummified corpse of Ramses II. LISA What's it doing here? EMPLOYEE Unfortunately, there was a shipping mix-up with the Sprinfield Natural History Museum. INT. SPRINGFIELD NATURAL HISTORY MUSEUM Two SUITED MEN are standing before a display of three mummies, and a wax figure of Teen Wolf. One of men SIGHS. SUITED MAN It's just not the same. INT. SPRINGFIELD COLISEUM - LATER REV. TUPPERMAN is in the middle of a speech. REV. TUPPERMAN You know, there have been a lot of people in the past who said we'd outgrow the need for religion. They said that by the 21st century, monkey operated robots would eliminate the need for spiritual guidance. Ladies and gentleman, these naysayers said the very same thing about another so-called "fad," and that something goes by the name of Rock n' Roll! BART Amen! REV. TUPPERMAN Now many people today think of conformity, flavorless wafers, and total obedience when they hear the word religion. COLLECTIVE AUDIENCE Yes! Yes! Tell us what to do! REV. TUPPERMAN But if you actually take time to read the bible, you'll discover that the most important figures were rebels, free- thinkers who refused to submit to authority. Except for the authority of God, which they obeyed unquestioningly, even if it meant sacrificing their own children. The audience CHEERS. ROD Will you sacrifice us daddy? NED We'll see son, we'll see. INT. PLANET HYPE - LATER Lisa is sitting at her table with a sour look on her face. Finally, COREY come up to the table and sits down. He is all out of breath. In the presence of the subject of her crush, Lisa forgets all of her misfortune. Corey looks her over, unimpressed. COREY You must be . . . ah . . . He takes out a card and reads it. COREY Lisa. Lisa begins to blush. LISA Yeah, that's me. What happened to you? COREY Oh, I just had to sneak through the bathroom window to avoid all those crazy people out in the front. LISA You mean the photographers? COREY No, the police investigators. So what's the deal with you anyway? I suppose you want a free bottle of that poison crap of a cologne they've got me hawking. Or maybe an autographed picture with 'your best friend' on it, huh? A waiter walks by and Corey turns his attention to him. COREY Hey puffy pants, bring me and the chick here a couple of bloody Texas heifer pies, a bald eagle omelet, and a big pinch of Gumless Joe's chewing tobacco. Lisa has a sick look on her face. LISA Actually, I---I'm a . . . COREY I'm not finished yet! He turns back to the waiter. COREY And be quick about it buddy, I've been waiting here for two minutes already. As the waiter walks away, Corey gives him a hard BOOT to the shins, while laughing like an idiotic child. the waiter keeps his composure and goes off limping. Lisa groans and sinks into her seat. INT. PLANET HYPE - LATER Corey is eating his meat pie, while at the same time putting a big wad of tobacco into his mouth. He SWALLOWS the food, and SPITS his juice under the table. Lisa is watching all of this while she's stirring her fork around her pie. She tries again to bring up some conversation. LISA I like that suit you're wearing. It must've been pretty expensive. COREY Not likely, I got this little number for free. Yeah, my Uncle owns a factory down in Mexico. he says that by having starving children work in there for pennies a day, he can afford to give me one of these babies every week. Pretty sweet eh! Lisa has given up on her perfect date. She sinks even further into her seat. INT. PLANET HYPE - LATER Corey is sitting with his shirt done open and his feet up on the table. His pager starts BEEPING. He checks it, and gets up in a hurry. COREY Sorry kid, but I gotta split. It seems my stock options in baby seal skins just took a nose-dive 'cause of some bleeding heart protesters. You know how it is. Say, you wouldn't mind grabbing the check there dollface? Lisa is silent. COREY Well, I had a pretty good time I guess. Be sure to check out my article in Perfect Boys magazine coming out next month. See ya! Corey gets up and exits the frame. The waiter comes back and gives Lisa the check. INT. PLANET HYPE KITCHEN - MOMENTS LATER Lisa is now washing dishes in the back room to pay for all the food. She is fuming. INT. SPRINGFIELD COLISEUM - LATER The Rev. is now going through the crowds of people. REV. TUPPERMAN I see a lot of sick people here tonight. People with cancer. We CUT TO a C.U of Dr. Nick. REV. TUPPERMAN Heart disease. We CUT TO a C.U of CBG. He's eating three hotdogs at once. REV. TUPPERMAN People in wheelchairs. We CUT TO a C.U of Cpt. Lance Murdock. REV. TUPPERMAN Troubled marriages. We CUT TO a C.U of Jacques & Princess Kashmir. They both look at each other with contempt. REV. TUPPERMAN People who need help opening a can of tuna. We CUT TO a C.U of Ralph. He fumbles with a can opener before DROPPING it to the ground. He starts CRYING. REV. TUPPERMAN My children, I feel your pain, and I'm here to help. HANS MOLEMAN stands up and waves his hands. HANS Can you help me with the terrible pain in my head? The Rev. puts his hand to Hans' forehead, and pushes him violently. Hans falls down he stairs and lands on his face at the bottom. HANS No, now it's much worse. C.U OF BART'S FACE BART I have seen the light. INT. SIMPSON HOUSE - LATER Marge is busying herself some cleaning. Bart, now home from the rally, is sitting on the couch watching TV. Lisa comes through the door with an enraged look on her face. Marge smiles. MARGE How did your little date go honey? LISA I quit life. Marge goes up to Lisa and hugs her. MARGE I'm sorry it didn't go the way you thought it would. LISA Oh mom, it was horrible, he was . . . She sniffs the air. LISA What's that smell? Is something burning? MARGE Oh no, your father is just smoking some fish in the garage. INT. SIMPSON GARAGE - CONTINUOUS Homer is standing in the middle of the smoke filled garage, holding up a fish and blowing cigar smoke at it. He's having trouble standing. HOMER I feel light headed. Homer passes out, and HITS the floor. END ACT TWO - ACT THREE FADE IN: INT. SIMPSON HOUSE - KITCHEN - MORNING The family is gathered at the table awaiting breakfast. BART is already dressed in his church clothes for once, with his new outlook on religion. LISA is still wearing the outfit she had on from the night before, too disillusioned to have bothered changing. MARGE is sitting down at the table with a smile on her face. HOMER is the one making breakfast this morning. He PLACES plates full of hot buttered pancakes in front of Bart, Marge, and his own place at the table. Marge frowns. MARGE It seems that the person who needs a special breakfast the most has been neglected. Didn't you make any pancakes for Lisa, Homer? LISA That's okay mom, I wasn't planning on eating anymore anyway. Marge looks sympathetic. She takes a bite of her food and makes a funny face. MARGE These pancakes taste a little funny. Did you forget an ingredient? Maybe baking powder or something? Homer looks sly. HOMER Oh really? What do they taste like? MARGE Well, they taste a little . . . fishy to tell you the truth. Homer smiles. HOMER That's because of all the fish I put in 'em! Bart & Marge SPIT out their food. Lisa looks relieved. LISA At least I don't have to suffer at the hands of this culinary experimentation. HOMER Oh don't worry honey, I know that you don't eat meat, so I made something special for you too. Homer PUTS a huge plate of scrambles eggs in front of her. Lisa is not impressed. LISA Dad, eggs are meat too. Where do you think they come from? HOMER From those little white cartons you get a the supermarket, duh! Bart interrupts. BART Although I'll probably be regretting this a week from now, I did want to mention that it's almost time to get to church. HOMER Aww, do we have to? Bart gets angry. BART Don't you take that tone with me, mister. Now, go upstairs and suit up, or you'll feel the sting of my badminton racket! Homer hangs his head. HOMER Yes sir. Homer & Marge go upstairs to get dressed. Bart walks over to Lisa and puts his arm around her. BART Gee, I really hate to see my little sister down in the dumps like this. Is there anything I can do to cheer you up? Lisa is suspicious. LISA What did you flush down the toilet this time Bart? Bart looks stunned. BART I'm horrified that you would think the worst of your own flesh and blood. BEAT BART But just to be on the safe side, you might not want to look in your dollhouse for a while. I think I've got just the thing to cheer you up. He grabs her by the hand, and brings her into the living room. INT. SIMPSON LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS Bart walks up to the TV and TURNS it on. The Itchy & Scratchy Theme is PLAYING. He RUNS back, and FLOPS onto the couch. THE TV The I & S title appears on the screen. Today's episode is "Shopping Maul." Scratchy walks through the local shopping mall, WHISTLING a happy tune. He walks into one of those specialty knife shops called "Sharp Things." Itchy, who is waiting for him in the store, THROWS a handful of lawn darts at him, but Scratchy bends down to pick up a quarter, and the darts FLY past him. Scratchy then heads on to the next store, a pet shop. He gets a gold fish in a little bag, and brings it up to the counter. Itchy is at the till. When Scratchy hands him the money, Itchy SLAMS his hand in the register. Scratchy SCREAMS. With Scratchy's hand still stuck, Itchy RUNS over to the fish display and gets a fish bowl with the label PIRANHAS written on it. He brings it back to the till and overturns it on Scratchy's head. It's a perfect fit. He SCREAMS again as the fish eat away the flesh of his face, leaving only a skull. Itchy then RUNS over to an animal cage with the label STARVING BEARS on it. He FLICKS the latch and points over to the poor cat, who is removing the fish bowl from his head. Scratchy SCREAMS one last time as the bears come CHARGING straight at him. While the bears are TEARING Scratchy's limbs from his body, Itchy walks to the door with a smile on his face, turns the OPEN sign to CLOSED, and walks out. THE END. PREVIOUS SHOT Bart bursts out in LAUGHTER. Lisa is not impressed. LISA Are we meant to believe that they're selling starving bears in a neighborhood pet store? Bart wipes a tear from his eye. BART Lisa, I'm surprised, you should know better than that. It's a cartoon, it's not supposed to be believable. Now let's get to church before we miss all the good opening hymns. INT. SPRINGFIELD CHURCH - MORNING The town has gathered for the Sunday service. REVEREND LOVEJOY is at the pulpit. He looks upset. REV. LOVEJOY Now some of you Christians might have been to see that Reverend Tupperman and his flashy spectacle of high explosives and expert knife throwers. Well let me just say, the Lord does not work in flashy ways. Sure there might have been a lot of floods, plagues and resurrections to go about, but they were only minor keys on the huge, theological tuba that is the bible. ANGLE ON - CROWD EVERYONE looks bored. REV. LOVEJOY I'm sure you are all familiar with the Ten Commandments which Moses brought down from atop the great mountain for the Israelites to live by, but many of you might not be acquainted with the over two hundred other laws God wished his children to obey, many of which deal with the proper way to raise goats. So today I will be going over some of those laws taken from the books of Leviticus, Deuteronomy, and Sirach, maybe with a couple of psalms thrown into the mix. He OPENS his bible, and CLEARS his throat. REV. LOVEJOY If anyone has a sore on his skin or a boil an inflammation which could develop into a dreaded skin-disease, he shall be brought to the Aaronite priest, and if the hairs have turned white and the sore appears to be deeper than the surrounding skin, he shall pronounce the person to be unclean. but if the hairs are not white . . . ANGLE ON - CROWD Everyone is sinking into their seats. TIME CUT: REV. LOVEJOY . . . he shall pronounce the person ritually clean. If the whole skin has turned white, he is ritually clean. But from the moment an open sore appears, he is unclean. However, if the sore should heal . . . ANGLE ON - CROWD Everyone is nearly asleep by now. Rev. Lovejoy TURNS a page. TIME CUT: REV. LOVEJOY . . . donkey or cow has fallen down, don't ignore it: help him get the animal to its feet again. Women are not to wear men's clothing, and men are not to wear women's clothing, the Lord, your God hates people who do such things. If you happen to find a bird's nest . . . ANGLE ON - CROWD - PAN IN TO BART Bart is frowning. the service is just as boring as all the others. In the BG, Rev. Lovejoy can still be heard preaching. BART This isn't the way it's supposed to go. I give religion a chance---find out it's half decent---and then I come out of the whole thing better off than when I started--- end of story! BART'S P.O.V The Rev. then MELTS into a blob on the floor, and reforms as MCBAIN, action star supreme. He is carrying a machine- gun in each had, and two bandoleers of ammo crisscross his bare chest. He is also wearing camouflage war paint on his face. MCBAIN Da violence you crave so much is not to be found in da trenches of organized religion. Only da crooked mind of a traveling evangelist can reveal da truth behind what it is you seek. Connie Tupper MCBAIN man is not afraid to give you what you want. He will tell you all about da wars, da stonings, da apocalyptic prophecies, da fun! He COCKS one of his guns with his teeth. MCBAIN Go now, before it's too late. I'll cover you. The pipe organ then TRANSFORMS into MARTIN LUTHER. There is a white light shinning down on him from above. MARTIN LUTHER Don't listen to him, Bart. You have a chance to really structure your life, and start getting it back on the right track. You must . . . His words are cut off as his body becomes RIDDLED with bullets. He SLUMPS to the floor in a pool of blood. McBain gives Bart the goofy "T2" smile. BART You said it McBain! I'm outta here. Bart JUMPS up and points to Rev. Lovejoy. BART You're nothing but a corrupt agent of an apostate, quasi-secular commercialized religionism! Everyone GASPS. HOMER (O.S.) Give 'em hell boy! Bart heads for the door, but pauses. He turns back. BART And by the way, your "No bathroom" rule really makes me sick. EXT. SIMPSON BACK YARD - DAY Lisa has gathered up all of her Corey posters and teen magazines and put them into the barbecue. She LIGHTS a match and holds it above the pile for a second. LISA From Hell's hand, I set fire to thee. She drops the match, and the whole thing goes up in a PUFF of flame. INT. SPRINGFIELD COLISEUM - DAY Bart arrives at the coliseum. Everyone is packing up and getting ready to head out to the next town. He goes up to a GUY who's standing by a big piece of equipment with 'THE BIG UNIT" stenciled on it. BART Excuse me sir, do you know where Rev. Tupperman is? SURLEY MOVER Sure kid, I saw him in the parkin' lot bringin' a run over squirrel back from the dead. BART Really? SURLEY MOVER Ah what do I care? Bart walks away annoyed. He finds his way to a darkened hallway, and walks down it. He comes across the Rev's dressing room. Instead of a gold star on the door, there is a gold crucifix. Above it is the Rev's name, and a quote that says "Knock and it shall open." The door is already open a crack, so when Bart KNOCKS, it swings open. BART'S P.O.V - PANNING THE ROOM Inside the dressing room, there is all sorts of religious paraphernalia. Included are: an autographed picture of God, bottled holy water, a punching bag with the picture of the Pope on it, and the REV. himself on an exercise contraption called THE SKYWALKER. He is watching some other evangelist on TV, stealing from his act. He reads out loud as he write on a note pad. REV. TUPPERMAN Thou . . . shalt . . . not . . . steal. He LAUGHS. REV. TUPPERMAN Amen to that! BART Hey man, I want to come with you. The Rev. dose not even look in his direction. REV. TUPPERMAN Kid, if you can teach me a couple of yo-yo tricks, mix a mean Manhattan, and wow a crowd with a couple of pirouettes and battmen tends, then you're free to come along. Bart smiles. BART You can count on me. INT. SIMPSON HOUSE - LISA'S ROOM - MOMENTS LATER Lisa is sitting in her room violently stabbing Bart's talking KRUSTY doll with a knife. The doll is slowly dying. KRUSTY Hey hey, careful kid, I got alimony to pay! The phrase repeats, then DIES out. Marge walks by, and comes into her room, alarmed. MARGE Lisa, what on earth are you doing? LISA Oh, not much, just butchering them most convenient symbol I could find of the loathsomely soiled and aesthetically bankrupt wash-cloth that is the male species. Marge walks up, and sits down beside her. MARGE That's sweet, dear, but you shouldn't throw out all your eggs just because a few of them go rancid. I mean, look at your father . . . Lisa interrupts her. LISA I am looking at him. LISA'S P.O.V Out Lisa's window, Homer can be seen walking up to the trash can in his underwear. He scratches his ass, and begins DUMPING out the can onto the lawn. Homer MUMBLES to himself as he digs through the trash. He picks up a bottle of spray cheese, and SQUIRTS it into his mouth. HOMER Oh, that's the stuff. PREVIOUS SHOT Marge looks to Lisa and smiles. MARGE You enjoy your stabbing honey. Marge walks out. INT. TOURING BUS - LATER The Rev., Bart, and his ENTOURAGE are now on the road, heading to the next town. There is a little bobbing figure of J.C. on the dashboard. They are all sitting at a table, most of them playing cards. Rev. Tupperman himself is sitting reading a newspaper and getting his hair cut. They're all ignoring Bart. BART Wow, this is so exciting! I have so much to learn . . . He looks at his watch. BART . . . and so little time. Rev. Tupperman, who is God, and what do you think his bowling score might be? Tupperman looks up from his paper, and gives bart a look like he's crazy. REV. TUPPERMAN Listen kid, I think you've gotten a little confused since you've come aboard this bus, it probably has something to do with the Freon leaking from the air conditioner over there, but the religious groove only happens when I'm on stage. To tell you the truth, I'm not too sure I believe all the much in God to begin with. REV. TUPPERMAN I mean "I AM that I AM," common, what kinda response is that? And frankly, you've been nothing but a disappointment to all of us. Your yo-yo tricks would shame even a toddler, your Manhattans need more than a little work, and your dnacing style is clearly plagiarized from contemporaries such as Marthat Graham, Doris Humphrey, and Mary Wigman. Enough said. One of the GUYS from the front comes to the back of the bus with a glass bottle in his hand. GUY Hey Connie, more Pace Thick n' Chunky. REV. TUPPERMAN Better make a pit stop. EXT. RECKLESS DRIVER'S REST STOP - MOMENTS LATER Half of the cars in the parking lot are improperly parked. The tour bus itself is parked lengthwise, taking up more than ten parking spaces. Bart wanders off, not wanting to go back on to the bus when it leaves. He walks up a hillside and sits down on a rock. He looks up to the sky, and SIGHS. BART Well this is it big guy, here I am. I never really understood religion that well before all this happened, and now I can say that I'm even more confused than I was when I got mixed up in this crazy business. Look, I'll level with ya, I'm kind of disillusioned right now, and I was hoping that maybe you could tell me what I should do here? Whether I should head back home, or stay here? So if you could give me a sign, I'd sure appreciate it. Bart waits for a moment. Then, something catches his eye O.F. He GASPS and looks over to see what's going on. BART'S P.O.V He sees a magnificent burning bush. Bart's in awe. BART Gee, I had my doubts, but this is irrefutable proof. What else could it be? Someone COUGHS BART Wow, God coughs! He then looks down, and sees an old BUM leaning up against the bush with a cigarette in his hand. He's trying to put out his clothes, which have also caught on fire. BUM Wouldn't ya know, this girl's always catchin' fire, 'specially this time of year. Must be a dry heat. Bart is really angry. BART Oh man! I can't take much more of this constant disappointment. Some miracle better happen fast, or I turn heathen! BUM What's the trouble son? BART Nothing a loser who lives under a bush could help me with. BUM You'd be surprised just what this loser knows. Why, I used to be a wee little nip just like y'self, all pie-eyed and full of yeast. I used to live in a wondrous time, a time when frozen chicken dinners were something to really get excited about, when there was a television program about a talking horse, and when America was still kickin' some commie ass! We expected it to last forever, we did. Now, gone like the sands in the hour glass, so are the days of our lives. You just think about it. Bart is utterly confused. He starts to back away. BART Uh, yeah, I will. Bart thinks to himself. BART This is too weird, I'm going home. EXT. FREEWAY - MOMENTS LATER Bart is now hitch-hiking back into Springfield. Several cars PASS him before CHIEF WIGGUM finally PULLS to the side of the road. LOU is riding shotgun. CHIEF WIGGUM Hey Bart, what are you doing hitch-hiking? You know how dangerous it can be. I better give you ride just to know you're in safe hands. You might be in for a cramped ride though, me and Lou here just picked up a bunch of wanted murderers trying to cross the state line. Ha, they've done all the damage they're gonna do. Isn't that right Dr. Hook? Bart looks into the back seat where Dr, Hook and his friends are sitting. They all give Bart a big smile and wave. Bart GULPS. INT. SIMPSON HOUSE - LISA'S ROOM - NIGHT Lisa is sitting on her bed, looking up at the ceiling. Bart walks in, and sits down on her bed. He's made it home safe and sound. BART Still pretty ticked off, huh sis? Well you know what really ticks me off? How I've found most people in this world are just like a stereo made from Taiwan: it may look all great and exciting, but when it comes time to crank out the tunes, you find the most important pieces missing, or melted in some instances. Lisa perks up a little. LISA Yeah Bart, I think I know what you're talking about. those flashy characters you meet along the road of life pander to our sense of fantasy and idealism without us appreciating the value of what we have around us. BART That's what I said. LISA You know, that makes me feel a little better. She hugs him. Just then, Homer walks by Lisa's room, all excited. He comes in carrying something. HOMER Hey kids, check out this way cool stereo I just got. He turns it on its side and reads something. HOMER Oooh, made in Taiwan, I sure got my money's worth. FADE TO CREDITS: HOMER (V.O.) Wha . . ? Hey, this tape deck is just a sticker. Homer PEELS the sticker off. HOMER (V.O.) Oooh, but the sticker is made in Mexico. END ACT THREE -