WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE

WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE?

Let’s face it -- nobody likes to work. Sure, there are some people who really enjoy their jobs, such as a Playboy photographer, but let’s be real -- if you were to give most anyone a huge chunk of cash, enabling them to live comfortably without working, most folks would quit their jobs faster than you can say trust fund.

But the problem is, where in the world do you start? How does a regular schmo like you go from picking up $6 an hour busing tables at the Cracker Barrel to multi-gazillionaire? Simple -- you take my no-hassle seminar, Get Rich And Still Be the Bum You Always Have Been. There are countless ways to become rich, and I am going to outline them for you today, free of charge! Then, each month, you can review a new Mike Gibbons seminar, including Pancreas Surgery Made Easy, Adult Internet Sites for Fun and Profit, and Don’t Get Sucked Into the Veterinary Racket -- Spaying and Neutering in your Garage.\

So, let’s get started. Basically, if you want to be so rich that you can pay someone to chew for you, you need to opt for one of the following paths. There are good things and bad things about each, so choose wisely!

1. Prove that Bill Gates is your father:

Pro: Gates is richer than most civilized countries and could probably purchase Kathy Ireland and make her be your wife.

Con: You would have to have the world’s most famous nerd as your father. Rich? Sure. Beaten up a lot as a kid? You bet. Don’t think you won’t suffer the same fate, cyberson.

2. Become an international drug lord.

Pro: Wealth beyond your imagination, the warm, cozy feeling of knowing you are providing a service to many addicts who would have nowhere to turn for the chemically induced hallucinations.

Con: May be arrested by Don Johnson, and may have a cellmate named Tito who is serving time for making a calzone out of his postman.

3. Convince Congress to do away with the monetary system, and make them switch to using a system of payment based on your own personal thought waves.

Pro: You’re set for life, so long as your brain functions.

Con: People would then have to pay for the groceries with your thoughts, and quite frankly, I know what those thoughts are, and a grocery store is no place for thoughts about Carmen Electra, a case of Old Milwaukee and six pounds of butter.

4. Win the lottery.

Pro: You win the lottery. Duh.

Con: At one point in your life, you were sitting in a bar with your buddies, and, after about a dozen rounds of shots, you made a brilliant comment such as, "You guys -- I love y’all so much. You’re my best friends in the whole wide world! I’m serious -- Frank, Tom, our waiter -- I love you guys. If I ever win the lottery, I’m splitting it with you guys. And that really hot chick over by the popcorn machine." Oh, they will remember.

5. Have a rare disease that ups the value of your vital organs.

Pro: You get to assist humanity while making your millions.

Con: You don’t have your vital organs. I’m just guessing that it’s tough to enjoy your millions sans heart. Just a hunch.

6. Go on a game show.

Pro: Can become a millionaire just by answering some questions.

Con: May be slapped with assault and battery charge after you body slam Regis Philbin, all the while screaming, "YES, REGIS!!! I AM SURE THE ANSWER IS BALTIMORE! STOP ASKING ME, YOU ANNOYING TWIT!!!"

So there you have it. Take one of the six easy steps to financial well being, and you’ll be using hundred dollar bills as appetizers in no time! And, when people ask how you got so rich, you can tell them -- it’s all because of Mike Gibbons and his brilliant seminars! I’m just glad I can help. Hopefully, you will be able to join me for my next one, Blackmailing Public Officials -- How You Can Never Pay Taxes Again. See you then!

Sign up for any of my seminars at mwg1234@yahoo.com.