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Drink plenty of fluids.
I have found the most effective way to do this is in a nicely air conditioned sports bar,
one that is showing a baseball game. |
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Remember that water
restrictions are meant for others, not you. When your community recommends cutting back on
watering, they are by no means trying to brown your yard. Feel free to continue watering
at will, although it should only be done between 2 and 4 a.m. |
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A trip to the pool can
provide great relief from the heat. Don’t have a pool? No problem! Summertime is when
people vacation. Many of those people have pools. I’ll let you do the math. |
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Power brown-outs are
nature’s way of telling you that your home is not cool enough. Should you witness a
power surge, turn the air down even more. 50 degrees is an achievable indoor goal. |
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When someone complains
about the heat, it is perfectly legal to beat him with a shovel. If he says it is not the
heat but the humidity, you can use that shovel to help dispose of the body. Same goes for
anyone offering the greeting "Hot enough for ya?" |
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Wear light, loose
clothing. You will still be miserably hot, but you will have the added bonus of looking
like a walking tent. |
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Sunglasses are an
important part of the hot summer months. Not only do they protect you from dangerous UV
(meaning "ultra violent," which shows you how dangerous they are) rays, but also
allows people to stare at one another without being noticed. This is especially important
as Spandex Roller Girl laps past you at the track again. |
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Be quick to point out to
others what the temperature can be under varying conditions. Winter has the wind-chill,
summer has the "in the shade" temp. Feel free to make up your own. Say things
like, "Sure, it’s 102 out, but it’s only 72 if you’re buried eight
feet deep in the sand." |
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Running is never, ever a
good idea (so far as Dr. Mike is concerned) but I think we can all agree that many people
should not be running in the middle of a summer day. These are the people who look like
they are a jog step away from collapsing. Their faces are bright red, they’re huffing
and puffing, and they have developed more of a shuffle than a run. Please – go into
the air conditioning and drink about 17 gallons of water. You’re making me want to
collapse. |
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Don’t leave your
pets in a car with the windows rolled up. And don’t act surprised to come out and see
the window shattered. And don’t get mad if it turns out it was not technically a dog
but a stuffed animal that sorta resembled a dog. Heat can make people overreact. |
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Sunscreen is your
friend. Remember, a sunburn does not just hurt you. Sunburn is one of the few things that
can make other people cringe looking at it. It’s not fair to sit in the sun for 17
straight hours, until you develop a nice firetruck-red tone, and then subject others to
the inevitable cringing that comes with seeing your seared skin. Also, keep the peeling to
yourself. That’s just nasty. |
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When at the beach, avoid
wearing Speedo bathing suits. While this may not technically have anything to do with the
heat, I think we can all agree that the image of Grandpa in a thong is not one we want to
sit down to dinner with. |