NEED A PENNY

NEED A PENNY? TAKE A HIKE.

What happened to good old-fashioned civility? What happened to helping out your fellow human? I’ll tell you what happened – it’s deader than Elvis.

I base this on the actions of one single individual, and I feel that is more than enough proof that the entire human race is going downhill faster than Tom Arnold in a truck with no brakes.

It all started when I was helping a friend move. Right there, you can see that I was doing my part to be civil. I agreed to help her move and I asked for nothing in return. Granted, I did “accidentally” put her DVD in my car, but I figure it will be weeks before she realizes it’s not packed in any boxes.

So I went with her to pick up the moving van. She had to fill out roughly 68,000 pieces of paperwork, so I had some time to kill. Renting a moving van is more difficult than buying a house. The receipt alone was – I kid you not – over a foot long.
She had to initial it and sign it and do a face imprint on it and goodness knows what else. I got bored and started playing with some of the big dollies they had standing around in the office. I started getting questionable looks from another staffer, and I knew that I was just a few minutes away from hearing, “Sir, please do not play on our equipment.” And let’s face it, I’ve heard that enough in my life.

I decided that I would be of more service if I went outside and looked for something to play with. Unfortunately, there was nothing but moving trucks outside, and I was pretty sure they would frown upon my playing with those. But I did notice that there was a fast food restaurant next door. It was fairly early in the morning, and I was almost done with my coffee, so I figured I’d go get a refill.

My coffee mug is one of those silver travel mugs. When you go into most any convenience store, they let you fill it up pretty cheaply. I guess it’s the convenience store’s way of a tip of the cap to commuters. I naturally assumed that fast food establishments would be the same way.

I strolled up to the counter, my usual chipper self. I held up my mug and asked the woman behind the counter how much it would cost to fill up my mug. This was like asking her the capital of Micronesia. She stared at me blankly and then turned to her co-worker. She kinda held her hands up and shook her head, apparently unable to string together the words for the sentence, “How much should I charge him?”

Sadly, co-worker #2 spoke her primitive sign language and said, “Just charge him for a small.”

Co-worker #1 turned back to the register, pressed a button and said, “74 cents.”

I reached for my wallet, and then realized that I had a pocketful of change. I dug deep inside and pulled the contents. I glanced at my hand and saw what was surely enough change. A couple of quarters. That’s 50 cents. Two dimes. We’re up to 70. A penny. One more. And another…and that was it.

“Oh,” I said, halfway offering my hand over to the woman, “I’ve only got 73 cents.”

She stared back at me. Maybe she didn’t hear me. I repeated myself: “I said, ‘I’ve got 73 cents.’”

“74 cents,” she said.

Now let me say that I was not looking for a hand-out. I was not expecting her to pay for my coffee. But there used to be a time when you were a measly penny short and the clerk would say, “Don’t worry about it” and you’d be on your way with your discounted 73-cent cup of coffee. But not here, nosiree. This was a fixed price, no negotiation transaction. I couldn’t help but think of the number of times people had probably left pennies on the counter after transactions, and this person probably scooped them all up and moved them into her secret penny stash, which she’ll probably use to retire on in a few years, although she will be stopping the inevitable goodwill that is created by the “Need a Penny, Take a Penny” karma that, up until this point in time, had helped the world go round.

Reluctantly, I gave her a $5 bill out of my wallet, and then proceeded to complain for the next 17 hours about having 99 cents in my pocket. And, to top it all off, the coffee was only lukewarm.

I have always made a point to leave pennies on counters wherever I go. I thought I was helping people out. But apparently, that common nicety is no longer trendy. I guess from now on I’ll just keep my pennies. Maybe I’ll save them up and buy something nice with it. Maybe I’ll get my friend a new DVD player.