THEN AND NOW

Five years seems like a long time. I am guessing that for my wife, it seems like a REALLY long time.

Yes, my five year wedding anniversary is approaching, and I think my wife summed up how far we have come the other day when she turned to me ad lovingly said, “You’ve got spit-up on your shirt.”

Looking back on our five years of marriage, I am amazed at just how different your life can be over that span of time. Don’t get me wrong – I wouldn’t change it for the world. But it is truly stunning to see how much can change in a short period of time. Take these comparisons:

1998: My wife drove a sporty little Mustang.

2003: My wife drives a sport utility vehicle that is filled to the brim with pop-up books, strollers and diaper bags.

1998: If neither my wife nor I went into a room, it would stay clean.

2003: If neither my wife nor I go into a room and retrieve our daughter, she will redecorate it in a fashion known as “Hurricane destruction.”

1998: The biggest problem in going out of town was making sure the vet’s office had boarding space for the dogs.

2003: The biggest problem in going out of town is that the vet’s office will not board children.

1998: I spent a grand total of zero dollars on diapers.

2003: I spend $48 billion a year on diapers, which are apparently crafted out of solid gold, diamonds and plutonium.

1998: My wife and I maintained that respectful privacy of one another.

2003: I have been in the OR when my wife was having surgery, so I have seen more of her than she has. Pretty much no room for surprises at this juncture.

1998: We would routinely go to bars with friends.

2003: I recently stopped into a bar to use the restroom.

1998: I was often heard to say to my dogs, “Hey! Don’t eat that! I don’t even know what it IS!”

2003: I am often heard to say to my children, “Hey! Don’t eat that! I don’t even know what it IS!”

1998: My wife and I would frequently go out to dinner, spending our time discussing world events or pop culture.

2003: My wife and I frequently dine while standing, debating over who will change the baby while the other finishes up as fast as possible.

1998: Total number of lollipop sticks I found stuck to the back of my shirt: zero

2003: Total number of lollipop sticks I found stuck to the back of my shirt: 6,481

1998: Most common thing my wife said as I leave for work: “Have a good day!”

2003: Most common thing my wife says as I leave for work: “NO JUMPING ON THE BED!!!”

1998: Most watched TV shows: “Friends,” “The Simpsons,” “Seinfeld.”

2003: Most watched TV shows: Anything starring an adult in a large animal costume

1998: Movie we went and saw twice in the theater: “There’s Something About Mary”

2003: Movie that caused me almost to break my neck diving over a couch so I could turn it off before our daughter saw it: “There’s Something About Mary”

1998: Said “I do.”

2003: Glad I did.