POOLING YOUR RESOURCES

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Ah, springtime. Time to pull the cover off of the pool, gaze into the water and remark, "Ewww. We're gonna swim in that?"

The rewards of a pool are countless hours of summertime fun. Unfortunately, the powers that be have yet to invent a maintenance free pool, something that would make my life much easier.

When we first moved into the house, I was very excited about having a pool. I figured I would head out into the pool area a couple of times a week, throw a few scoops of chlorine in the water, and then enjoy my crystal clear water.

Perhaps, it was this belief that led to a predominantly green pool during my first summer as a pool owner.

During my first year, I spent lots of quality time at the pool supply store. The conversations generally went like this:

ME: I can't get my pool water clear.

POOL SUPPLY PERSON: Let's check the alkalinity.

ME: Al who?

They would sigh deeply, take my water sample, and then hand it back to me, saying, "Sir, it's best to clean the mayonnaise out of the jar before you put the water sample in."

When I finally got them a decent water sample, they would do all kinds of funky stuff to it and then tell me what I needed to do to make the pool clear again. This generally involved lots of chemicals that meant absolutely nothing to me. So far as I knew, they could be sending me out with big containers filled with lemonade and I wouldn't know.

But each time I would come home and throw the stuff — possibly lemonade — in the pool, and the pool would clear up after a while. I would diligently follow their directions, which included lots of brushing down the walls, backwashing the filter, and loudly singing an "Incan Pool Cleaning Spiritual." I am pretty sure they were just messing with me on the last part, but I'm not one to question authority.

One thing that is supposed to also help is the automatic pool cleaner. The kind I have is known as a Polaris, but is more affectionately known in my house as Sybil, thanks to its multiple personalities. When Sybil's most normal personality is at the forefront, she diligently does her job, roaming the depths of the pool picking up debris and storing it in a handy little mesh bag. Unfortunately, Sybil behaves like that about 2 percent of the time. The bulk of her time is spent on Sit on the Bottom and Brood Mode, Sprint in a Straight Line and Then Stop Mode, Wedge Herself by the Ladder Mode and, my personal favorite, Stuck in the Corner Mode.

I have sought professional help for Sybil numerous times. I was hoping for counseling, maybe medication or perhaps even an exorcism. Alas, they opted for more traditional cures. Sometimes, it was quite simple ("You do know it has to be in the pool, right?"). Other times, there were some minor replacements that were needed. Each time, post-treatment, she usually behaved fairly well for a short time. And then she was back to her old tricks.

This year, I was very excited about the prospect of opening the pool, as I was convinced that Sybil's long winter vacation had her rested and ready for the summer months. And I told my wife that I was going to diligently keep up with the pool chemicals and cleaning, guaranteeing crystal clear water for the duration of the summer.

That little pipe dream lasted for about 10 minutes after I uncovered the pool.

When I dropped Sybil in the pool, I watched with anticipation, hoping that she would spring into action and commence to cleaning. And, rather than doing what she was supposed to do, she went to do what she does best: She made a beeline to the corner. I have the cleanest corner of a pool of anyone in the land. Unfortunately, the rest of the pool looks freshly mulched.

So Sybil is now on the sideline, awaiting a trip to the doctor this weekend, and the pool debris is still there. I netted out what I could, but will have to wait until Sybil is better to complete the process.

I am hoping she will finally get a complete cure, as I really want to keep the pool up to the level it deserves.

For one thing, a nice, clear pool removes the desire to have a 20X40 koi pond in your back yard.

I guess I just have to have faith that this time will be the charm, and I will finally get my pool in the working order it deserves. Maybe I need to sing louder.