BEHOLD THE GARAJ MAHAL

I don't think I'm overstating things when I say that my garage is now just a notch below the Taj Mahal. In fact, I'd say it is the Garaj Mahal.

You see, my garage, once a haven for massive piles of stuff, is now devoid of bicycles, coolers, grills and the like, as I have finally completed construction of my shed.

If you recall from a while back, my shed was in the disassembled phase for a considerable amount of time. My wife had decreed that a shed was necessary in order to alleviate the ever-growing pile of things in our garage. I caved and bought a shed. A few weeks later, she said that merely buying the shed was not the panacea. Constructing it would help as well.

I enlisted the help of a friend of mine to construct the shed. He was there not only to help with the larger, two-man parts, but also to tend to smaller details, such as reading directions.

After about a day of construction, I had what could definitely be considered a shed. The missing parts that some might consider vital were the roof and doors. I decided that I could handle the roof myself, and just slap it on when I had a few minutes of free time.

So fast forward about three weeks, and I was slowly getting the roof put on, spending a few hours here and a few hours there. My daughter helped with the final stage of assemble. Her job was to assist me in the following manner: I would stand on the ladder, and she would wander off to pet the dog, nuts, bolts and washers in hand. I am fairly sure this is why children are not allowed on construction sites.

Once the roof and doors were installed, I began putting a few items in, just for a test run. My wife, always a buzzkill when it comes to projects such as this, reminded me that I was supposed to put an actual floor in, rather than just set things on the dirt.

So I got some plywood, and then, using a circular saw and precision measurements, I skillfully cut pieces into an exact fit. Ha! Are you kidding me? Do you think I could type this column if I had cut the wood myself? No, because I would have cut both hands off. Saws are like kryptonite to me. Home improvement stores cut wood for you for a reason: They want you to come back with the ability to write checks.

So once the floors were in place, I was ready to start unloading stuff. I went out in to the garage and surveyed the task before me. I realized that the reason I could never get my garage clean is that it was filled with large, seldom-used items. This stuff took up a lot of garage space. Thus, I had in essence shrunk my garage, thereby limiting the primary function of a garage, which is to accommodate stuff that has no home otherwise.

In about an hour, I had moved these items into my shed. When I told my wife that the shed was populated, we had this conversation:

HER: Did you just cram it all in there? Or can you actually get to things in the shed?

ME: I see you're familiar with my work.

In fact, I had anticipated this reaction, and had taken great strides to maintain a sense of order in the shed. It was so well done, I rank the achievement up there with my children and my portrait of Bear Bryant on my list of things I am most proud of.

Once the big items were moved, I was able to tidy up the garage in quick order. Before I knew it, I discovered that the garage, previously unbeknownst to me, had a floor. An actual floor.

Once I completed the cleaning, I brought my wife to see the fruits of my labor. She was pleased, if for no other reason that she would no longer need a sherpa to guide her from her car into the house. Now that I have both the garage and the shed in order, my wife and I have vowed to maintain the cleanliness that it so richly deserves. I anticipate that lasting about a week, at which point I guess I will shop for a new shed. Check with me in a few years, and my back yard will probably look like a storage shed clearing house.

Kidding, of course. We have a newfound dedication to our orderly garage and clean shed. It will take hard work and lots of sweat equity, but I feel confident that, with the right approach and a little bit of luck, I can, in time, learn to return a rake to its proper place.