AS TIME GOES BY

Three years ago today, I said the dumbest thing ever to come out of my mouth.

And that’s no small feat.

You see, three years ago, I turned to my wife and said, “I have GOT to go home and get some sleep.”

Not a wise thing to say to someone who had spent the previous day or so giving birth.

Allie was born at about 2:30 a.m., and I have to admit, I was pretty tuckered out. Needless to say, there are certain things I should keep to myself.

Since that time, we have watched our daughter grow from an infant to a toddler to a little girl to her current state, a highly charged energy matter that can consume Gummi bears in blender-like speed and can act out every line of “Beauty and the Beast” and somehow work in the ABC song to it.

Life with a 3-year-old is an interesting time indeed. Allie has turned into her own person, with her own thoughts and feelings and, most importantly, her own rules.

For example, we have some basic ground rules in the house, such as no jumping on the bed, no throwing toys, no placing your baby brother in the dog food bin, etc. Allie, however, picks and chooses her rules to follow. For example, the “no jumping on the bed rule” is most definitely not one she agreed to in the Parent-Daughter Treaty of Aug. 6, 2000.

She will hop up on the bed and begin jumping around, right in front of us. “What are you doing?” we will ask, often in unison. It is at this point I am reminded of the classic Calvin & Hobbes cartoon in which Calvin is busily hammering nails into the coffee table when his mother asks the very same question. I am waiting for my daughter to say, “Is this some sort of trick question?”

Generally, her response to the question is, “I’m having fun!!!!!” It is really hard to argue with that logic, and I sometimes get caught up in the excitement. And then I hit my head on the ceiling fan, which is not fun.

The most fearful part of the third milestone was, understandably, the birthday party. It is required by federal law that you must celebrate a child’s third birthday with a themed party and invite any available child within a 70-mile radius.

My wife decided to have the party at a local ice cream establishment, which was a good idea, since it ensured that the management of said parlor, rather than yours truly, would have the unenviable task of scraping Dora the Explorer cake off of every exposed section of their establishment.

Actually, I have to admit that the partygoers were quite well behaved. I had convinced myself that this would be comparable to inserting myself into a cage of rabid monkeys. I guess I always try to assume the worst, which makes reality a pleasant surprise. Truth be told, the only bad child at the entire party was, unfortunately, me. I was the only one to get in trouble for making someone cry, something I managed by inadvertently elevating a game of peek-a-boo to frightening levels. (Despite repeated apologies and attempts at reconciliation, one guest remained in his mother’s lap for the duration of the fete.)

Following the party, Allie was very excited to learn that she was going to have another birthday party in a few days, this time at her grandmother’s house.

I am somewhat concerned that we have set a dangerous precedent in which she thinks that every few days she is entitled to a birthday party.

One thing that is somewhat unsettling is how fast it seems she has reached the three-year mark. I could start telling you how much I remember those first few months, when she was a helpless little bundle of joy. But I have a 5-month-old, and he has diapers, so I can move on from that with relative ease.

No, what I recall is the recurring thought that, “At least she won’t start dating for another 15 or 16 years.” Now that clock has ticked down to 12 or 13 years. Why, before I know it, it will be time for me to deck myself out in face paint and a loin cloth and sit in a tree and shout nonsense at teenage boys who come near my home.

But hopefully I won’t spend too much time fretting about how fast kids grow up. I hope to enjoy the time. I hope to treasure every moment. I hope to finally get that sleep.