I dug out the laptop this afternoon, deciding it was time for me to get some use out of it since I no longer have any use for it at work.  I used to sit out on the back screened in patio in the mornings after work, pecking out the day's entry...

Sorry, I just spotted two rabbits hopping around in the yard; one is small enough to fit in the palm of my hand.  They appear to be having a grand 'ole time playing on this wonderful spring evening.

...Okay, I'm back.  Where was I?  Oh yeah, I used to sit out here on the patio in the mornings, back in the day, back when I was happily married.  It was the only time I ever had to myself, the wife and Little One would sleep until around 9 or 10, giving me plenty of time to write in peace, and to unwind from work.

These days the patio was lookin' a mess, cluttered with stuff needing to go to the garage or the trash, totally unacceptable for writing without feely guilty about its appearance.  So I tore into it late this afternoon, after I tried repeatedly to get some sleep.  I return to work tonight, so a nap was definitely needed.  Not to be though; it will be a long night on my first night back, not that it wouldn't have been anyway.  Anyhow, I spent an hour spiffin' it up and I must say it looks damn good.  I can now sit out here guilt free!

To back up to earlier today - x (formerly the wife) returned from Vegas and picked up Little One early this afternoon.  In a way I was glad to turn her over, but I am already missing her constant shenanigans, and her telling me a million times a day that she loves me.  We had a great time these last five days, and am happy that I could take vacation to watch her.

Now the tricky shit - When x came in the house, and after hugging and kissing L/One, x approached me as I sat in my computer chair and gave me a hug and said I looked good.  What the hell?  I had hoped her trip with the boy toy would be miserable, and by that gesture I immediately assumed it was.  I chuckled to myself but let it go, not wanting to stir any shit.

L/One rambled, telling mommy some of the things we did in her absence, and as she was finishing up her lunch x motioned for me to go into the kitchen.  Good, she was going to tell me she married the idiot!  Nope, she gave me a monster hug and started in telling me she misses me and thinks about me every day.  I freaked, not knowing what to do.  I told her that I think of her a lot too, but most of my thoughts aren't pleasant ones.

After x loaded up L/One and took off, my mind was spinning (probably part of the reason for NOT getting any sleep).  I've always stated that I would NEVER take her back, not under any circumstances, but now I'm not so sure about that.  I'll break this into the good and bad about being divorced:

The GOOD:

• I can come and go as I please, no whining and manipulation from anyone
• I don't have to endure the constant yakking that a woman, not just her, can spit out of her head
• I know where every dime goes; I'm in complete charge of the finances
• NO mother-in-law; NO in-laws at all to put up with.  And believe me, my in-laws are a bunch of losers!
• No whining from her about not liking my parents (I rarely, if ever, whined about her family)
• No honey-do list.  Sure, the house still needs painting, exterior and interior, and there's other projects too, but I can do them whenever I want

• I MISS MY FAMILY!!!
• I MISS seeing my daughter grow up on a daily basis!
• I miss the structure, the routine of being a family unit
• Home cooked food, I REALLY miss that shit
• I miss the smell of her, just the smell of that woman drove me nuts
• SEX, 'nuff said

Life truly is a freak show!

Good Night!