(full title) something you never realized you didn't want to know.

i stepped out of the house this morning with a bad feeling in my stomach, like when you know you're about to die. today i had to speak to a man who sat in a comfortable chair and fired slow questions at me as though i had learned english just this week. to divert his attention from myself i told him a story about a past girlfriend of mine who was raped and whose father used to hit her when he was angry. he asked me how this had made me feel, when she had told me. i said it made me feel like threatening someone with a kitchen knife, then grabbing them by the throat and slamming the pantry door on their head a few times. he wasn't shocked, but i didn't expect him to be. nothing shocks this guy. he told me i suffered from a case of anger mismanagement. i told him thanks, wrote him his check for this month and left.

after that i thought about calling you up but i didn't think i would be able to handle it if you sounded anything but happy to hear from me. i enjoy setting all my bridges ablaze and standing on the bank to watch them go up in smoke. but marci, do you know i still think about you? i still have a picture of you somewhere around this house. you look gorgeous in it, but then you usually did. it's the one where you're in the leopard print dress, and you have your hair up? oh nevermind. i wish iwas strong enough to call you, but my spine is weak from repeatedly being shattered when i was younger. i'm sorry, this is a pointless story that has nothing to do with you anymore. i'm just like you; that's what i'm trying to convey...my life is as boring as yours.