Fatherhood

By Tim Wood

Published June 15, 1997

Each Father's Day brings an opportunity to write something profound about fatherhood, etc. This year, the initial plan was to write something sad, yet profound about fatherless children.

While that's a subject worth writing about, It just didn't feel right. I lost my father at age 10 and thus have some definite views on life without a father. But there is a time to stop studying the past and get on with building the future.

All my sons know of my father is a photograph. That's all I have of my grandfathers. Fortunately, my sons' other grandfather is alive and well at 80.

I would like to think my grandfathers would want me to look forward in anticipation and not backwards in sadness. They could not have imagined the world in which their granchildren live.

My children - and yours - will work at jobs that have not been created - perhaps not even imagined. Their "upside" is tremendous.

Yet they face enormous challenges. The temptations are greater for them than for any recent generation. Trouble seems to lurk around every corner. If it's not drugs, it's concern about extra-marital sex and sexually transmitted diseases.

Just how in the world are fathers going to prepare their children for that future?

The first step is to be there. Some dads have to travel. Some dads work long hours - admittedly sometimes when they don't really have to. But at least they are around.

Too many fathers are bailing out on their children. Sometimes divorce is the cause. In many cases the father never gets around to marrying the mother of his child and is never a part of the child's life.

If dad is part of his child's life, then the next step is setting a good example. I want my sons to take church seriously. But if I don't take them there- and if I don't participate - there's little chance they will have an interest.

There are far too few fathers in church. If a father sets a good example spiritually, it will do much to ensure the child takes God seriously.

One of a father's toughest tasks is to realize when he's wrong, admit it and change. Sometimes, certain parenting methods just don't work. What worked for my mother does not work for me.

The times are not good for fathers. The role of parents is changing and men are not always adjusting well. I bathe my children, wash dishes and do other things that my father's generation never would have considered doing. Of course, there are many joys that my father's generation missed because of the different roles.

Fatherhood does not provide much immediate feedback - at least not accurate feedback. Often, you can do exactly what you should do as a parent - and the only feedback you will get is a vocal protest by your child.

Indeed, you may never know if your decisions are correct. You hope that your child will turn out well and vindicate your decisions. But children of good parents can go bad, and those fathers are faced with wondering where they went wrong - if indeed they went wrong at all.

And who is to say what determines if a child turns out well? My mother would only tell me to avoid disgracing the family name. So, I went into the newspaper business, which gives numerous people the opportunity to criticize me and disgrace the family name.

I hope my children turn out"well." Perhaps they'll end up with children of their own. Then they can ponder the mysteries of child rearing.

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