You may think that this is a strange way to greet you, but you are a Member of ROSCOE'S HOOGLY Congregation - the MASS of PEGUNKINS, and as a PEGUNKIN your name is written down in the BOOK of BLIPSKY. We are members of the same household...the household of ELUCELOM. Have YOU talked to ROSCOE today? Well I have and the book of Peddidle says," Be Ye Blipsky and Taken In for the LORD ROSCOE is the LORD ROSCOE"! Now isn't THAT a lot of MISHIGAS! Yes my friend, you can depend on ROSCOE and the Little Lord Joozis. Praise the great god MOTA and POOPY PANDA and the spirit of ASHLOZMO!
I am enjoying my visit with YOU. I would love to sit with your for hours and talk with you about how wonderful Our Little Lord Joozis is. It's like a visit from My Great Aunt Migillicutty, but we are very busy here getting our boiler room set up and mailing out out new ROSCOE's VOICE magazine and our JEEZ fer JOOZIS news litter. May ROSCOE Bless you with Poopsies!
If you send a free will offering of $10 cash to our office I will be happy to send you a TAPE of OUR ROSCONIAN SERVICE, so you can be HERE with all of us at ROSCOE's TEMPLE. I have already begun to watch for your letter! We also have good supply of HOOGLY TRACTS to send you upon you free will offering. We also have a reproductions of pictures of ROSCOE and OREO the RABBIT. As our latest offerings we have a VIDEO TAPE of ROSCOE for $25. Imagine - your OWN video tape of ROSCOE. Help MOTA fill the QUOTA!
As you know I occasionally mail out some of the 37 PURPLE ROPES that I wear on my body as SPECIAL PIOUS ADORNMENTS and RIGHTIOUS REFLECTIONS of MOTA. Why don't you send a piece of cloth to me and then I will pray over it and send it to our special SANITARY LANDFILL. For a free will donation of $5, I will send you a special certificate of CO2 reduction to PROTECT the EARTH. Mother ELUCELOM be praised!And remember your SISTER HABLIVILASH has your name on her SPECIAL PRAYER LIST.
I pray that the spirit of ASHLOZMO will lead you to true and abiding faith in MOTA and LORD ROSCOE and in POOPY PANDA and The Little Lord Joozis and his mother ELUCELOM and I firmly believe that you will be carried up to Heaven by a Herd of Lovable Hamsters.