Leg-warmers are back. I've had this verified by a number of people since. And I'm scared. Doesn't anyone remember how crap they looked the first time around? I have a theory. We didn't mind when flares and platforms came back in fashion - our parents may have cringed at the thought of how they looked in a crocheted top with embroidered flares, but for fuck's sake - they were our parents! Of course they would have looked bad.
But now - it's the return of a fashion demon that we actually experienced. I know that I have already vowed never to don a pair of leg warmers again. I'm still in therapy due to suppressed trauma caused from wearing blue knitted leg-warmers with little Scottie dogs when I was seven.
Oh my God - the memories, I can't stop them returning... I can recall the white leather fringe boots. The denim skirt, with matching jacket. Help me, please, sweet Jesus stop it - I can't bear it any longer. The Punky Brewster socks... That polka-dotted balloon skirt with green braces that held it up. Where will the madness end?
And the nightmare can only get worse. We can still expect the resurgences of various other horrors. Shoulder pads. Power-dressing. Denim. Bedazzlers. Pleats. Acid or Stone wash stretch jeans (at least the bogans will be applauding that one). Then, the final horror - if you remember what followed the decadence of the 80's. Grunge. Lots of people wearing flannel. Lots of skanky unwashed hair. Lots of suicidal musicians from wet and dreary cities. Don't say you weren't warned.
Fashion is a terrifying beast. It feeds on your insecurities, and always ends up convincing you that fingerless lace gloves and a bandanna around your head are the epitome of haute coteur. You fell for it the first time, try to avoid falling for it again.
© 1999 The Archangel Cameo
